(no subject)
This is an awesomely bad fan fic that my friend Ashley and I wrote for our friend Amanda. Her 17th birthday just happened to be on July 31st so we had to do this.
If you're going to read this...please know it's a joke. It's meant to make fun of all those horrid fan fics that you find over at babb_chronicles. So yes.
If you read this and you aren't Ashley or Amanda...then you get cookies.
Title: "POWA OF LURVE"
Authors: Ashley (stillshecries) & Caitlin (rictusempra__)
Gift for: birthday present for the fabulous Amanda (batbogeys)
Rating: Um...PG-13? I wish it was NC-17 though. There's really nothing bad about this. Other than the fact that it's horrific on purpose.
Character(s) & Pairing(s): Harry/???; Amanda/???, Caitlin/???, Ashley/???, Ron/Hermione (duh)
Word Count:5,337
Warnings: This is purposely retarded. Just so you know. There was absolutely no plot when we started. We each wrote a little, sent it to the other and so on and so forth. You'll definitely be able to tell when we switched. Ashley enjoys exclamation marks and other fun things. I was a little boring. Anyway, it is meant to be a joke and not taken seriously. There are quite a few pop culture references. So if you lurve Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, K.Fed, P. Diddy, the OC, Pirates of the Caribbean and...other stuff. Eh, who cares if you love it. We made fun of it.
Once upon a time in New York City there lived a very very very pretty 16 year old girl named Amanda. She had fair skin and long black hair and bright green eyes. She was 5'9" and 100 pounds and her boobs were real big too (a/n: but she wasn't like a stick. She didn't throw up her food or nothing. She just had a really fat metabolism. So don't comment and gripe about it.) She was perfect. In fact many modeling agencies had come to her to beg her to model for them. Amanda turned them down though because she was too good for that. She lived with her parents in a penthouse sweet in Manhattan. They had a ton of money (a/n: like...billions. Just like Paris Hilton. OMG she is so cool!)
Even though she was like super pretty and cool Amanda was a very sad girl because she was adopted. Though her fake parents were very rich they ignored her a lot. They only cared about there work (a/n: don't ask me what they do because I don't know. Some job that makes a lotta money, ok? Like working for P. Diddy or something.) Amanda spent most of her time alone but she got to go shopping with her fake parent's credit cards. She totally had the best wardrobe ever. Everything was Louee Vatawn and Guchi and other expensive brands like that. But like I said she was not happy. She had tried to look for her real parents but no one could find them. Plus the kids at school thought she was kinda weird because weird things happened around her a lot. Like one time she was so mad at this one kid that all she she did was glare at him and he ended up with his head stuck in the toilet.
But anyway Amanda's 17th birthday was coming up on July 31 and she wasn't even looking forward to it. She knew she would only get money from her parents and a birthday cake from her maids. So when her birthday rolled around and she woke up she was surprised to see her parents sitting at the kitchen table.
"Amanda" her fake mom said. "We have something to tell you. We did not adopted you. A man named Albus Dumbledore gave you to us 16 years ago. He told us we had to keep you in America to keep you safe. But once you turned 17 we could not protect you anymore because then you would be of legal age."
Amanda stared at her fake parents for a second and then asked the most obvious question. "But isn't 18 the legal age?"
"Not in the wizarding world," her fake dad said.
"The what?" Amanda said.
"The wizarding world. Amanda you are a witch," said her fake mom.
"What did you just call me?!"
"A witch dear. You can do magic you see. In fact you are very good at it even if you don't realize it. You are better than most witches and wizards your age who have gone to Hogwarts their hole lives."
"Hogwarts?" asked Amanda.
"Yes that's the school magic kids go to. It's in Great Britain and is a boarding school."
"Ok. But who are my real parents? And what did you have to keep me safe from?"
So then Amanda's fake parents told her all about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and her real parents Lily and James Potter (a/n: you already know that story) They also told her she was an only child. (a/n: I know this isn't true but Amanda's fake parents didn't know. So don't be confused. You'll see! LOL.)
"Oh, ok. So what does that all mean?"
"It means you have to go to Hogwarts for your final year of school because it is the safest place for you to go now," said her fake dad.
"Really? That sounds fun! When do I go?" asked Amanda. She was starting to get all excited.
"On September 1st but first we ahve to get you all your magic stuff. You have to go to Horizant Alley."
"Horizant Alley? Do they have a Tiffany's?"
*****
"Sooooo, like why are your fake parents sending you to a freak school? You totally can't be an indian giver with like, kids," said Ashley, one of Amanda's BFF's (4 srsly!) while she flipped through the latest gossip mags (a/n: sooooo addicting!!! lolz) and snapping her delicious pink bubblegum loudly.
"That was sooooo deep, Ashley!" squealed Caitlin, Amanda's other BFF. She was laying on Amanda's bed looking up at the ceiling, waving Amanda's brand new wand around becuz it was green and sparkly! And that just meant it HAD to be awesome.
"OH EM GEE ASHLEY! ARE YOU SAYING I AM A FREAK TO?!" roared Amanda. She didn't usually speak in caps (a/n: family habit I guess!!!!!!!!!), but why was one of her BFFAEAEAEAEAE!!!! calling ehr a freak?! She was just special!!!
Ashley rolled her eyes dramatically and twirled her perfect blonde hair around her finger. "Oh em gee Amanda, no!!!!!111! I am just like, DEVESTATED that you are like leaving!!1' she said. Ashley then burst into tears. Caitlin did too. And then so did Amanda. Because BFF's did ~~crazie~~ things like that together.
"C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c (a/n: Caitlin stutters a lot lolz!!) c-an we go to the magick school to!!!!" said Caitlin. Tears were running down her cheeks like a freaking waterfall! Even tho Amanda looked like the emo goth grrl with her black hair and whatnot, it was really Caitlin, but nto because she was a prep too sorta. BEcause Ashley was a preppy so they all were too kinda.
Amanda's piercing green eyes looked deep in deep thought. She was rly concentrating it seemed.
"Wellllllllll," Caitlin said this after Amanda thought for a really long time, like two minutes, and titled her head in thought now. "Maybe you can use magic and make us like I don't know, tiny people and we can hide in your luggage!!"
"WHY ARE YOU SO SMART!?" Amanda sobbed in relief that she had such smart lil friens. Now they could be together!!!!!!!!
................or could they?!
*****
Over across the sea, Harry & Co. were getting ready for their final year at Hogwarts. Which was going to be hard cuz Voldiemort was after Harry cuz he blows.
******
So on September 1st, Amanda shrunk her friends down with her wand and put them in her little Louee Vatawn purse. Her big purse had her cute little chiwawa puppy named Poofu, of course (a/n: lol! isn't that so cute?!!!)! But yeah, both Caitlin and Ashley's parents were almost as rich as Amanda's so they didn't even care that they were going to get shrinked and go off to school in a foreign land.
Amanda's parents took her to that one train station that the Hogwarts Express leaves from (a/n: I forget the name and I totally don't want to look it up. lolz.) They said good bye and wished her luck and then that was it. Amanda was parentless. But she had her BFFs! Once they got on the train, Amanda unshrunk them. Oh and she just knew how to do these spells because like I said earlier she was way advanced for not having any training. So yeah Amanda, Ashley and Caitlin ran off to find a compartment.
They were about to go in one when a blond haired boy blocked their way.
"Hey! That's our compartment!" said Amanda looking mean.
"Yeah? Well, it's ours now," the boy smirked to himself before turning to look at Amanda. "Oh...um...nevermind. You can have it..." he stuttered once he checked her out. He thougth she was hot! He'd never seen anyone with eyes like that. Or had he? They were as green as lime jello. And her hair was long and silky and black as night. She was gorgeous! Plus she had a really good body!
Amanda had noticed how cute the boy was too. So did Caitlin and AShley because they were giggling behind Amanda's back and nudging her forward.
"Well, I guess we can share it," she said trying to look cool and not show that she had been checking him out.
"No that's quite all right," said a girl with a face like a pug. "Come along Draco."
Amanda, Ashley and Caitlin all gave her a dirty look as she walked away.
"Sorry, that's Pansy," the boy named Draco said. "I like to call her Hitler though. She tries to control everything I do. I'm not aloud to do anything I want and I can't make new friends. She's crazy."
The girls laughed and Amanda reached out to shake his hand. "I'm Amanda Fookmedanrad. And these are my BFFs Caitlin Rupiepoopie and Ashley...well, she doesn't have a last name like Madonna or Cheyenne or The Rock or The Artist Formerly Known as Prince."
"Hi. I'm Draco Malfoy. Slytherin, of course. What house are you ine? I've never seen you before."
"Oh we're new here. Starting our 7th year actually. Maybe we'll see you around?" said Amanda still trying to act cool.
"really? That is so cool. I hope you get in Slytherin!" Draco said. "Oh ok I will see you around then."
Amanda, Ashley and Caitlin all waved to him as he walked away then got in their compartment thingy and giggled about how cute he was all the way to Hogwarts.
*****
Once the choo-choo (a/n: isn't that word just cuter?!!!!) stopped, some big harry man came by and opened the door as Amanda, Ashley, and Caitlin stepped out. The big harry man was really big and tall and he looked like Chewbacca or something.
"Yer a wizard, Harry!" said the big harry man as Amanda walked by.
"Um like duh, she has magical powers. And she is Amanda Fookmedanrad. Cut your greasy hair, mofo," snapped Caitlin as Ashley accompanied her BFF by doing finger snaps (a/n: lolz u no wut I mean!1!1!) and sticking her perfect nose in the air.
"Who er yous?" the big harry man grunted, picking his nose for something. He looked rly confused.
"Ya you are freaky looking Bigfoot. She is Amanda Fookmedanrad, aka best wizard-witch or whateva eva! That's wut her fake parents said the old Alboos said or whateva! So whateva!" Ashley held a hand up to the big harry man's face or well, whatever she was looking at since Chewbacca was like 267 feet tall (a/n: lolz not really but idk how tall Hagrid is!111!~")
Amanda looked up at the big harry guy with her jello eyes and the Chewbacca dude's eyes got all watery. "Ye got yer dingy cut off Harry!"
"For the LAST TIME!!!!" There was a crowd of peoples forming now as Caitlin drew out her wand that was made of construction paper and pink glitter and stars and hearts because Ashley was very good with crafts since she was perfect at everything and anyway Caitlin pointed the wand at the big harry man and.............
NOTHING HAPPENED!
"Ya Ashley you floozy whore this don't work!" Caitlin sobbed, throwing the wand on the ground. Amanda timidly walked over to the wand and pointed it at the big harry man and with a yell that probs would have caused an earthquake, he was tossed into the lake where some slimy octopus or fish or whatever pulled him into the deep dark depths and as he gurgled his last breath a lot of people cheered Amanda for her bravery.
Ashley continued looking thru her gossip mag (a/n: why read magick books or whatever!! she's not scene!!!) and rolled her eyez. "Ya Caitlin obvs you aren't magick or whateva like Manders."
"Ya well you're wand just sux"
"Whateva!" Ashley pouted like she practiced in a mirror for 13 hours a day and Caitlin giggled like a banshee. How could she be mad at her BFF?!
Amanda sighed with happiness because she was happy that her BFFs were BFFs again and the smelly big Chewbacca was floating in the lake with the fish or octopus or whatever!!!
"OMG" said Caitlin after a minute. "That big guy totally got eaten by that cracken thing! You know...he's in Davy Jone's locker or something!"
Ashley looked confused for a minute. "Davey Jones? You mean like that guy from that old 70's band The Monkees?"
"No! The sea guy, silly!"
They laughed all the way up to the castle and made cool jokes about jars of dirt. (a/n: Orlando Bloom is sooooo hot! Savvy?! lol OMG and don't forget Johnny Depp!)
*****
When the girls got to the castle they were totally upset that they had to stand in line with a bunch of 11 year olds.
"WTF? We are not 11!" Ashley complained.
"No but you are transfers students and you must be sorted like everyone else," said this old woman named McGoogles (a/n: I know that's not her name, but it's easier to spell than the real one! lol)
So they went into the Great Hall with the little kids and waited while they were sorted. The Sorting Hat sang a really long song for them and all that good stuff. Then McGoogles explained to everyone that for the first time in years they had some transfers students. She said that the Sorting Hat would sing another song just for them. And it went a little something like this: (its to the tune of HIt Me Baby One more time. OMG I love Brit. Except she totally needs to dump K.Fed! And get rid of all those kids. lol j/k)
Oh transfer student, how were we supposed to know?
That you should go to school here
Oh transfer student we will not let you go
Cuz you belong right her now
Show me what house you want to be in
Let me tell you what your choices are now, oh here we go
Ravenclaw is for the smart (not dumb)
Gryffindor is for the brave (not the wimps)
If you're in Slytherin you're mean but cool
Hufflepuff takes the rest, so make up your mind right now!
Everyone applauded when it was over and then Ashley went first (because she didn't have a last name, you know?). It took him a second but the hat yelled out SLYTHERIN! Ashley luaghed out loud and ran to join the table full of hott Slytherins.
Caitlin went up next (a/n: I know she should have been last sinc eher last name starts with an R, but Amanda has to be last cuz she is the main character!) She was sorted into Slytherin too!
And then it was Amanda's turn. When she went up everyone began to whisper and even the old man sitting up front leaned foward to look at her closer. Amanda just figured it was because she was super cute. Anyway the hat told her she was in Slytherin too and the Slythering table went crazy wild.
They all ate dinner and stuff and Amanda and her friends got to talking with Draco and his friends Vincent and Gregory (you know...Crabbe and Goyle! don't worry...they became way hott over the summer nad lost a lot of weight!). The old man sitting up front turned out to be Albus Dumbledore. That was the guy who gave her to her fake parents! Amanda didn't feel like telling her new friends about her horrible childhood so she just kept her mouth shut.
After dinner was over they all started to walk out of the hall. somehow Amanda and her friends got seperated from the rest of the Slytherins and ended up being some of the last people in there. Amanda was just leaving when she bumped into a very tall red haired boy.
"Excuse me," he said.
"It's ok," said Ashley, smiling at him.
"I'm Ron and this is Hermione," he said. Ron was wearing ripped jeans and a pink polo shirt with his collar popped. Hermione had very curly hair and was wearing lots of black eyeliner, a black mini skirt and a Good Charlotte t-shirt.
"I"m Amanda and this is Caitlin and Ashley."
"OH, here's our friend Harry now," said Ron and he stepped aside so that Amanda got a good look at him.
It was like looking in the mirror or something. Except Harry was a guy of course and had short hair and glasses. Amanda wore glasses only at night because she had contacts. The two stared at each other for a long long time and they ddin't even blink!
"Uh," said Caitlin. "You two look a like!"
"Why yes, yes they do," said another voice.
Amanda finally pulled her gaze away from Harry to see that Albus Dumbledore was the one speaking.
"Come with me Amanda nad Harry. I've got some things to tell you..."
*****
"WHAT DO U MEAN I HAVE A SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Harry, full of capslock rage. How dare he be told this now!!! Didn't anyone know that Voldiemort was going to BBQ him!??!?!!?!? ALIVE EVEN!?
"OMG YOU TALK IN CAPS TOO!!!!!" Amanda said, tears brimming in her jello eyez. She was just soooooo hapee that like, she had FAMILY!!111 And not just a fake one bnut a REAL one!!111!!! And it was a twin bro! She always wished she had a twin! So they could share ~*~*~*~*secrets!*~*~*~*~ and other family stuff!
Harry remained quiet b/c he rly didn't know what to say b/c for the first time he was speechless with Dumbly (a/n: yeah Harry decided to call him that b/c it takes too much effort to say dumbledore and to type it too lolz) and his words of truth or whateva so Harry just was quiet.
Dumbly's eyez twinkled with sparklez and Harry growed more annoyed with the old fogey. Why would Dumbly keep this secret so long from him?! Especially all of the darma he went threw! Serious dyieng and someone that killed Hagger too!! And Ron was acting like a playa preppy and Hermione was like freak goth now so he had NOBODY NOBODY at ALL. Except maybe Ginny becuz she like became soooooooo hott this summer!! Her boobies grew like ten sizes and she was like a supamodel. And she had a good personality to. (a/n: cuz that's what's important!!!111)
"Say something Harry!" Dumbly said twinkling eyes and smile and all.
"I HAVE A SLYTERHIN SISTER!!" he said suddenly, sobbing. It was the first time he cried in hours. He had been crying a lot recently. Becaue he was in capslocks rage for a long time.
Amanda rested her hand on Harry's head. "It's ok Harry. I'm still getting used to it to. I just was told I am a strong magickal person than anyone ever was and it's so strange and my BFFS have no powers but Ashley is delusional and she makes fake wands becase she is perfect and doesn't even need a last name like Madonna and The Rock and Caitlin tried to be magickal but she has failed and I have NOIONE!!" Amanda now cried and swept her bangs to the side, revealing a nifty, neato cloud scar.
Harry's jaw opened and he swept his bangs to the side. "you have a scar to?! mine;s a lightening bolt! so we must be related cuz clouds and bolts go together like pepperoni and cheese!!"
Amanda smiled sparkly at her new brother. "You mean maccaronie!"
"No I meant pepperoni and cheese. I'm the saver of the world so I know what I'm talking about."
*****
“Oh em gee, Manda! You have a twin. And he is way hott!” giggled Ashley.
“Ew, don’t say that. He is my brother and stuff,” scolded Amanda.
“So lemme get this straight and stuff (a/n: not like Lance Bass! HAHAHAHAH! Get it? Straight!). Your real name is Amanda Potter and your parents died because some guy named Moldyshorts hated them?” said Caitlin looking very very very confused…well she always looked confused, but this time she really was.
“Not Moldyshorts! Voldemort! Voldemort killed our parents and like now theres this huge war going on. And only Harry and me can end it. We gots to kill him with the power of lurve. Or that’s what Dumbly says.”
“Well that should be easy!” said Ashley grinning like a madman.
*****
Even though Amanda just learned that she was The Girl Who Lived she still ahd to go to classes. It turned out she was super good at everything. Even better than Hermione! Hermione didn’t mind though because she liked Amanda a lot and thought she was super cool.
Caitlin and Ashley weren’t so good in everything but they had Amanda to help them so it didn’t matter. They spent most of their time checking out all the hot boys in their uniforms! (a/n: omg…boys in ties and stuff are SO HOTT!!!)
It turned out that everyone found out that Amanda was Harrys twin and she became omg so popular right away. Everyone wanted to see her scar and hear about her life in NYC. They were all really impressed. And all that good stuff.
Pansy AKA Hitler got real real jealous because Amanda was getting all the attention and stuff. So one day when Amanda was talking to Draco (omg he totally was crushing on her!) Pansy walked up to Amanda and her friends and was like “Look you stupid fug! You get away from my boyfriend. He is mine and no one elses. Especially not yours!” Her voice was so obnoxious and at first Amanda, Draco, Caitlin and Ashley only stared at her.
“EXCUSE ME?!” said Caitlin. She was ready to throw down hardcore.
“No…I am not your boyfriend you crazy whore,” said Draco sticking his tongue out at her.
“What!?” Pansy screamed as hse pulled out her wand and aimed it at Amanda. “TripsandFallsus!” she yelled.
But Amanda was way faster than Hitler and she yelled out “Workacornerus Skankwhoreus!”
Pansy didn’t know what the heck hit her but she fell back and landed on her butt and her face turned even uglier than it was!!! (a/n: I know, right!? LOLOLOL.)
Amanda and her friends gave each other high fives and then Draco did something unexpected. He pulled Amanda to him and gave her a big kiss right on the lips! Amanda thought that someone had lit up fireworks because all she saw was different colored sparkses! When he finall pulled away, she almost fell over her body had turned to mush!
“Amanda Potter will you be my girlfriend?” asked Draco.
“OMG YES SHE WILL!” shouted Ashley and Caitlin all at once.
Amanda laughed and shook her head real fast. “Of course I will!!!”
Draco jumped up in the air then and yelled out “Woot!”
And then Vincent and Gregory (Crabbe and Goyle who are way hott now) asked Caitlin and Ashley to be their girlfriends and they said yes too! It was perfect!
So Amanda and Caitlin and Ashley all walked back to their dorms all perky and stuff when they bumped into a red headed girl who looked a little like that Ron boy they had met the first day.
“Hi. I’m Ginny Weasley and I have a crush on your brother,” she said.
*****
So Amanda, along with Caitlin and Ashley helped Ginny sexify herself up even more than she already was (a/n: and her personality b/c that's what counts again!!!!!) and worked on getting Ginny to approach Harry b/c all she could do now was walk up to him and then she would break out into Wake Me up before u go-go (a/n: great song!!!!!!!!!) and did the jitterbug and idk it was so ~*~*~*~*crazy*~*~*~*~.
"ok here is the dope wand I made" said Ashley handing Ginny a sparkly green wand that probs matched Harry's eyez. "tell him u made it for him and he will fall in luv~*~*~ w/ you!!!!!"
Caitlin threw some pink glitter on Ginny and Amanda cleared her throat, ready to perform wandless magick on Ginny to woo (a/n: funny word lolz) her new brother. Amanda moved her hands in a wave motion and some sliver cloud overcame Ginny and her eyez glowed flousresent before she was normal looking again.
So Amanda took Ginny to the Gryff common room b/c she could go in b/c she was Harry's sister and yelled really loudly for Harry. She was feeling capslocky again so everyone undertood the Potter twinz. "HARRY BROTHER POTTER GET DOWN HEAR NOW U SNAPHEAD!!!!!!!!"
Harry came bumbling down the stairs, his green eyez glowing like a glostick. "Voldiemort sent me a message." he said gravely his voice hollow and low (a/n: idk pretend it's deep and weird sounding lol~~~~~~)
"Ya well look at Ginny first she's sooooooo hott!" said Amanda, glaring at her twin. It was soooooo weird looking at another you. but with short hair and no boobies and he probs had a dingy too unless it was cut off like taht CHewbacca dude said.
Harry turned to look at Ginny and his eyes bulged more than his pants did. She was Soooooooooooooooooo HOTT!!! but he liked her personaility more b/c she was spicy and latina and oh wait----spicy and um gingery like the spice girl Ginger Spice. Yeah. So Harry grinned like a crazy loon and grabbed GInny and smooched her big and wet!! There was lots of tonuge and lips and Amanda rolled her eyez and said "um Harry, your eyez are still like glo-stick glowing."
Harry sighed and stopped smooching GInny. "DAMN YOU KLOVES!!!!!!!!!" he shook his fist.
"eeeeeeeeeeeey?" Amanda said, her head tilting in confusion.
"ok Fonz." said Harry in a jocking way. Amanda watched Happy Days probs. But oh well. That was not the issue. "Kloves is Voldiemorts real name. Tom Riddle was a joke. He said so in the message." And then Harry pulled out a message from his pants:
Boi~~~~~~~
u no u want it lolz. im waiting outside 4 u hottie~~~~~~
bring ur hottie sis too and maybe we can cyber later
peace and luv
kloves voldiemort
ps. popozao~**~**~*~
Amanda rolled her eyeballs. "He is so weird."
*****
So Amanda went to prepare for the battle to vanquish Voldiemort but ran into Dracey first.
"Don't fight Voldiemort!!! He touched me in bad places!!!!!!!!" Draco cried (a/n: crying is sooooooo hott now)
Amanda was soooooo shocked b/c Draco was special and did not deserve to be treated like one of Michael Jackson's playboys!!!!!! So she layed a hand on Draco's thigh (a/n: omg I WISH I COULD RLY DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!) and then Draco touched her in a bad place but it felt so nice and then they lost there virility together and Draco cried b/c it was beautiful and he was sooooo in touch with his feminie side now.
*****
It had taken Harry and Dumbly years upon years to figure out how to kill Voldiemort. But once Amanda arrived she had all the answers!
“Are you sure it will work?” asked Harry.
“Of course I am! Turst me. I’ve seen it on TV!” said Amand with an excited squeal.
“That Muggle contraptshun. Does it tell the future?” asked Dubmly.
“No silly! It tells the truth. About everything!”
“Well, ok.” Said Dumbly. “I guess you and your friends can go off by yourselfs and track him down. I hope it works out. If not…well it was nice knowing you!” Dumbly grinned back at them with that freaky twinkle in his eyes and then left.
“Let’s do this Harry! I’ve got to catch the OC at 8 tnoight!”
*****
So Amanda and Harry got Caitlin, Ashley, Draco, Ginny, Hot!Crabbe, Hot!Goyle, Ron, Hermione and headed off to Voldeimorts lare.
It wasn’t hard to find because Amanda just knew. I mean she had like psycho powers and stuff and she could find anything if she wanted. So she found Voledmorsts hideout. It was a cave far far away and was dark and scary. The walls were covered in drawings of snakes and stuff!
Amanda lead Haryr and her friends all into the cave she held out her wand and felt very brave. Because she was and she was smart and pretty and she had her best friends with her and lost her virlity to Draco and dammit…she was perfect! And she could defeat this Voldemort guy no problem.
“VOLDIEMORE!” she yelled at the top of your lungs. “WE KNOW YOU”RE HERE AND WE’RE GOING TO OPEN A CAN OF WHOPP ASS ON YOU! WE ARE GOING TO TAKE YOU DOWN MOTHER F*CKER!” (a/n: I know she cursed but omg she had to be intimdating!)
All the sudden a very ugly man with red eyes a ppeared. He had a snake around his neck (a/n: like Britney on the VMAs that one time. Rembmer? That was so cool!) and he was laughing all crazy like.
“Who the heck are you?” he said.
“I am Amanda Potter. I am Harry’s twin! You killed our parents. Prepare to die!”
Without another word Amanda and Harry linked arms and all their friends stood behind them and did the same.
“CELINE DION!” they all yelled as loud as they could.
And just as Amanda had expected she and Harry’s scars opened up and a rainbow color light shot out of their foreheads and went straight to Voldemorts heart! It was totally like Carebears, you know?
They stayed like that for what seemed like forever and a day and then finally Volidemore blew into smithereens.
“OMG!” said Harry. “WE DID IT! WE KILLED HIM!” He laughed out loud and pulled his twin sister into a big ole hug.
“WITH THE POWER OF LOOOOOVE!” sang Amanda. She giggled too and jumpe dup and down with her new brother.
“WE WIN AT LIFE!!!1!!1!!!!one!1” yelled everyone else.
*****
Everyone was like soooooooooo hapee that the Potter twinz took out Voldiemort and wondered what took so long for Dumbly to get Amanda to HArry. She was like his hero or something. The Hero ahd a Hero and it was just like...confusing and whateva else.
Everyone threw a big partay for the lil friens and their was a celebration like no other!!!!! Just imagine like the partays Puffy (a/n: or P Diddy or whateva his name is!!!!!!!) had with Cristal and bling bling and ya it was a hot join up thurrrrrrrrr!
At the party Amanda was dancing dirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty with Draco when he fell to the ground with injury.
"OMG DRACO!!!!!" she cried, capslock coming out again. Her one twu wuv couldn't die now!!!!!!!!! Tears of glass slipped down her eyez.
But Draco grinned wildly and pulled a box out of his butt pocket. Amanda wondered why one cheek was small but figured she grabbed to much after the *~*~*~*~real~*~*~*~ celebration.
"JK Amanda, jk. I wanteds to know if you would marry me!!!!!!!!!" he exclaimed, his eyes glassy and misty and crying.
Amanda gasped b/c she was soooo surprised but just KNEW they were soulmates and she jumped up and down like crazy. "Yes Draco omg let's go get hitched, y'all!" she exclaimed.
McG (a/n: McGoogles was cool but to long to type and McG is ghetto now) started to do a rap song with her specaial guest, K-Fed (a/n: yeah I know he wasn't around back then but he's teh best rapper, k) and it was a hott joint in the hood. Now everyone was making out and slobbering their people. Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione, Ashley and Hot!Crabbe, Caitlin and Hot!Goyle and DUmbly with McG AND K-Fed. Yeah It was hott. And duh Amanda with Draco!!!!!!!
And so the next day, all of the couples decided to get married b/c they took a soulmate test on the internets and they had higher than 34%, which was average, so that just had to mean they would all last and u know what?!
........................................
.......................................
(a/n: lots of suspense lolz)
THEY ALL DID!!! Becuz nobody likes bad endings and everyone married and hapee is what everyone wants! So whateva!11
*****
El Fin!
If you're going to read this...please know it's a joke. It's meant to make fun of all those horrid fan fics that you find over at babb_chronicles. So yes.
If you read this and you aren't Ashley or Amanda...then you get cookies.
Title: "POWA OF LURVE"
Authors: Ashley (stillshecries) & Caitlin (rictusempra__)
Gift for: birthday present for the fabulous Amanda (batbogeys)
Rating: Um...PG-13? I wish it was NC-17 though. There's really nothing bad about this. Other than the fact that it's horrific on purpose.
Character(s) & Pairing(s): Harry/???; Amanda/???, Caitlin/???, Ashley/???, Ron/Hermione (duh)
Word Count:5,337
Warnings: This is purposely retarded. Just so you know. There was absolutely no plot when we started. We each wrote a little, sent it to the other and so on and so forth. You'll definitely be able to tell when we switched. Ashley enjoys exclamation marks and other fun things. I was a little boring. Anyway, it is meant to be a joke and not taken seriously. There are quite a few pop culture references. So if you lurve Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, K.Fed, P. Diddy, the OC, Pirates of the Caribbean and...other stuff. Eh, who cares if you love it. We made fun of it.
Once upon a time in New York City there lived a very very very pretty 16 year old girl named Amanda. She had fair skin and long black hair and bright green eyes. She was 5'9" and 100 pounds and her boobs were real big too (a/n: but she wasn't like a stick. She didn't throw up her food or nothing. She just had a really fat metabolism. So don't comment and gripe about it.) She was perfect. In fact many modeling agencies had come to her to beg her to model for them. Amanda turned them down though because she was too good for that. She lived with her parents in a penthouse sweet in Manhattan. They had a ton of money (a/n: like...billions. Just like Paris Hilton. OMG she is so cool!)
Even though she was like super pretty and cool Amanda was a very sad girl because she was adopted. Though her fake parents were very rich they ignored her a lot. They only cared about there work (a/n: don't ask me what they do because I don't know. Some job that makes a lotta money, ok? Like working for P. Diddy or something.) Amanda spent most of her time alone but she got to go shopping with her fake parent's credit cards. She totally had the best wardrobe ever. Everything was Louee Vatawn and Guchi and other expensive brands like that. But like I said she was not happy. She had tried to look for her real parents but no one could find them. Plus the kids at school thought she was kinda weird because weird things happened around her a lot. Like one time she was so mad at this one kid that all she she did was glare at him and he ended up with his head stuck in the toilet.
But anyway Amanda's 17th birthday was coming up on July 31 and she wasn't even looking forward to it. She knew she would only get money from her parents and a birthday cake from her maids. So when her birthday rolled around and she woke up she was surprised to see her parents sitting at the kitchen table.
"Amanda" her fake mom said. "We have something to tell you. We did not adopted you. A man named Albus Dumbledore gave you to us 16 years ago. He told us we had to keep you in America to keep you safe. But once you turned 17 we could not protect you anymore because then you would be of legal age."
Amanda stared at her fake parents for a second and then asked the most obvious question. "But isn't 18 the legal age?"
"Not in the wizarding world," her fake dad said.
"The what?" Amanda said.
"The wizarding world. Amanda you are a witch," said her fake mom.
"What did you just call me?!"
"A witch dear. You can do magic you see. In fact you are very good at it even if you don't realize it. You are better than most witches and wizards your age who have gone to Hogwarts their hole lives."
"Hogwarts?" asked Amanda.
"Yes that's the school magic kids go to. It's in Great Britain and is a boarding school."
"Ok. But who are my real parents? And what did you have to keep me safe from?"
So then Amanda's fake parents told her all about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and her real parents Lily and James Potter (a/n: you already know that story) They also told her she was an only child. (a/n: I know this isn't true but Amanda's fake parents didn't know. So don't be confused. You'll see! LOL.)
"Oh, ok. So what does that all mean?"
"It means you have to go to Hogwarts for your final year of school because it is the safest place for you to go now," said her fake dad.
"Really? That sounds fun! When do I go?" asked Amanda. She was starting to get all excited.
"On September 1st but first we ahve to get you all your magic stuff. You have to go to Horizant Alley."
"Horizant Alley? Do they have a Tiffany's?"
*****
"Sooooo, like why are your fake parents sending you to a freak school? You totally can't be an indian giver with like, kids," said Ashley, one of Amanda's BFF's (4 srsly!) while she flipped through the latest gossip mags (a/n: sooooo addicting!!! lolz) and snapping her delicious pink bubblegum loudly.
"That was sooooo deep, Ashley!" squealed Caitlin, Amanda's other BFF. She was laying on Amanda's bed looking up at the ceiling, waving Amanda's brand new wand around becuz it was green and sparkly! And that just meant it HAD to be awesome.
"OH EM GEE ASHLEY! ARE YOU SAYING I AM A FREAK TO?!" roared Amanda. She didn't usually speak in caps (a/n: family habit I guess!!!!!!!!!), but why was one of her BFFAEAEAEAEAE!!!! calling ehr a freak?! She was just special!!!
Ashley rolled her eyes dramatically and twirled her perfect blonde hair around her finger. "Oh em gee Amanda, no!!!!!111! I am just like, DEVESTATED that you are like leaving!!1' she said. Ashley then burst into tears. Caitlin did too. And then so did Amanda. Because BFF's did ~~crazie~~ things like that together.
"C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c (a/n: Caitlin stutters a lot lolz!!) c-an we go to the magick school to!!!!" said Caitlin. Tears were running down her cheeks like a freaking waterfall! Even tho Amanda looked like the emo goth grrl with her black hair and whatnot, it was really Caitlin, but nto because she was a prep too sorta. BEcause Ashley was a preppy so they all were too kinda.
Amanda's piercing green eyes looked deep in deep thought. She was rly concentrating it seemed.
"Wellllllllll," Caitlin said this after Amanda thought for a really long time, like two minutes, and titled her head in thought now. "Maybe you can use magic and make us like I don't know, tiny people and we can hide in your luggage!!"
"WHY ARE YOU SO SMART!?" Amanda sobbed in relief that she had such smart lil friens. Now they could be together!!!!!!!!
................or could they?!
*****
Over across the sea, Harry & Co. were getting ready for their final year at Hogwarts. Which was going to be hard cuz Voldiemort was after Harry cuz he blows.
******
So on September 1st, Amanda shrunk her friends down with her wand and put them in her little Louee Vatawn purse. Her big purse had her cute little chiwawa puppy named Poofu, of course (a/n: lol! isn't that so cute?!!!)! But yeah, both Caitlin and Ashley's parents were almost as rich as Amanda's so they didn't even care that they were going to get shrinked and go off to school in a foreign land.
Amanda's parents took her to that one train station that the Hogwarts Express leaves from (a/n: I forget the name and I totally don't want to look it up. lolz.) They said good bye and wished her luck and then that was it. Amanda was parentless. But she had her BFFs! Once they got on the train, Amanda unshrunk them. Oh and she just knew how to do these spells because like I said earlier she was way advanced for not having any training. So yeah Amanda, Ashley and Caitlin ran off to find a compartment.
They were about to go in one when a blond haired boy blocked their way.
"Hey! That's our compartment!" said Amanda looking mean.
"Yeah? Well, it's ours now," the boy smirked to himself before turning to look at Amanda. "Oh...um...nevermind. You can have it..." he stuttered once he checked her out. He thougth she was hot! He'd never seen anyone with eyes like that. Or had he? They were as green as lime jello. And her hair was long and silky and black as night. She was gorgeous! Plus she had a really good body!
Amanda had noticed how cute the boy was too. So did Caitlin and AShley because they were giggling behind Amanda's back and nudging her forward.
"Well, I guess we can share it," she said trying to look cool and not show that she had been checking him out.
"No that's quite all right," said a girl with a face like a pug. "Come along Draco."
Amanda, Ashley and Caitlin all gave her a dirty look as she walked away.
"Sorry, that's Pansy," the boy named Draco said. "I like to call her Hitler though. She tries to control everything I do. I'm not aloud to do anything I want and I can't make new friends. She's crazy."
The girls laughed and Amanda reached out to shake his hand. "I'm Amanda Fookmedanrad. And these are my BFFs Caitlin Rupiepoopie and Ashley...well, she doesn't have a last name like Madonna or Cheyenne or The Rock or The Artist Formerly Known as Prince."
"Hi. I'm Draco Malfoy. Slytherin, of course. What house are you ine? I've never seen you before."
"Oh we're new here. Starting our 7th year actually. Maybe we'll see you around?" said Amanda still trying to act cool.
"really? That is so cool. I hope you get in Slytherin!" Draco said. "Oh ok I will see you around then."
Amanda, Ashley and Caitlin all waved to him as he walked away then got in their compartment thingy and giggled about how cute he was all the way to Hogwarts.
*****
Once the choo-choo (a/n: isn't that word just cuter?!!!!) stopped, some big harry man came by and opened the door as Amanda, Ashley, and Caitlin stepped out. The big harry man was really big and tall and he looked like Chewbacca or something.
"Yer a wizard, Harry!" said the big harry man as Amanda walked by.
"Um like duh, she has magical powers. And she is Amanda Fookmedanrad. Cut your greasy hair, mofo," snapped Caitlin as Ashley accompanied her BFF by doing finger snaps (a/n: lolz u no wut I mean!1!1!) and sticking her perfect nose in the air.
"Who er yous?" the big harry man grunted, picking his nose for something. He looked rly confused.
"Ya you are freaky looking Bigfoot. She is Amanda Fookmedanrad, aka best wizard-witch or whateva eva! That's wut her fake parents said the old Alboos said or whateva! So whateva!" Ashley held a hand up to the big harry man's face or well, whatever she was looking at since Chewbacca was like 267 feet tall (a/n: lolz not really but idk how tall Hagrid is!111!~")
Amanda looked up at the big harry guy with her jello eyes and the Chewbacca dude's eyes got all watery. "Ye got yer dingy cut off Harry!"
"For the LAST TIME!!!!" There was a crowd of peoples forming now as Caitlin drew out her wand that was made of construction paper and pink glitter and stars and hearts because Ashley was very good with crafts since she was perfect at everything and anyway Caitlin pointed the wand at the big harry man and.............
NOTHING HAPPENED!
"Ya Ashley you floozy whore this don't work!" Caitlin sobbed, throwing the wand on the ground. Amanda timidly walked over to the wand and pointed it at the big harry man and with a yell that probs would have caused an earthquake, he was tossed into the lake where some slimy octopus or fish or whatever pulled him into the deep dark depths and as he gurgled his last breath a lot of people cheered Amanda for her bravery.
Ashley continued looking thru her gossip mag (a/n: why read magick books or whatever!! she's not scene!!!) and rolled her eyez. "Ya Caitlin obvs you aren't magick or whateva like Manders."
"Ya well you're wand just sux"
"Whateva!" Ashley pouted like she practiced in a mirror for 13 hours a day and Caitlin giggled like a banshee. How could she be mad at her BFF?!
Amanda sighed with happiness because she was happy that her BFFs were BFFs again and the smelly big Chewbacca was floating in the lake with the fish or octopus or whatever!!!
"OMG" said Caitlin after a minute. "That big guy totally got eaten by that cracken thing! You know...he's in Davy Jone's locker or something!"
Ashley looked confused for a minute. "Davey Jones? You mean like that guy from that old 70's band The Monkees?"
"No! The sea guy, silly!"
They laughed all the way up to the castle and made cool jokes about jars of dirt. (a/n: Orlando Bloom is sooooo hot! Savvy?! lol OMG and don't forget Johnny Depp!)
*****
When the girls got to the castle they were totally upset that they had to stand in line with a bunch of 11 year olds.
"WTF? We are not 11!" Ashley complained.
"No but you are transfers students and you must be sorted like everyone else," said this old woman named McGoogles (a/n: I know that's not her name, but it's easier to spell than the real one! lol)
So they went into the Great Hall with the little kids and waited while they were sorted. The Sorting Hat sang a really long song for them and all that good stuff. Then McGoogles explained to everyone that for the first time in years they had some transfers students. She said that the Sorting Hat would sing another song just for them. And it went a little something like this: (its to the tune of HIt Me Baby One more time. OMG I love Brit. Except she totally needs to dump K.Fed! And get rid of all those kids. lol j/k)
Oh transfer student, how were we supposed to know?
That you should go to school here
Oh transfer student we will not let you go
Cuz you belong right her now
Show me what house you want to be in
Let me tell you what your choices are now, oh here we go
Ravenclaw is for the smart (not dumb)
Gryffindor is for the brave (not the wimps)
If you're in Slytherin you're mean but cool
Hufflepuff takes the rest, so make up your mind right now!
Everyone applauded when it was over and then Ashley went first (because she didn't have a last name, you know?). It took him a second but the hat yelled out SLYTHERIN! Ashley luaghed out loud and ran to join the table full of hott Slytherins.
Caitlin went up next (a/n: I know she should have been last sinc eher last name starts with an R, but Amanda has to be last cuz she is the main character!) She was sorted into Slytherin too!
And then it was Amanda's turn. When she went up everyone began to whisper and even the old man sitting up front leaned foward to look at her closer. Amanda just figured it was because she was super cute. Anyway the hat told her she was in Slytherin too and the Slythering table went crazy wild.
They all ate dinner and stuff and Amanda and her friends got to talking with Draco and his friends Vincent and Gregory (you know...Crabbe and Goyle! don't worry...they became way hott over the summer nad lost a lot of weight!). The old man sitting up front turned out to be Albus Dumbledore. That was the guy who gave her to her fake parents! Amanda didn't feel like telling her new friends about her horrible childhood so she just kept her mouth shut.
After dinner was over they all started to walk out of the hall. somehow Amanda and her friends got seperated from the rest of the Slytherins and ended up being some of the last people in there. Amanda was just leaving when she bumped into a very tall red haired boy.
"Excuse me," he said.
"It's ok," said Ashley, smiling at him.
"I'm Ron and this is Hermione," he said. Ron was wearing ripped jeans and a pink polo shirt with his collar popped. Hermione had very curly hair and was wearing lots of black eyeliner, a black mini skirt and a Good Charlotte t-shirt.
"I"m Amanda and this is Caitlin and Ashley."
"OH, here's our friend Harry now," said Ron and he stepped aside so that Amanda got a good look at him.
It was like looking in the mirror or something. Except Harry was a guy of course and had short hair and glasses. Amanda wore glasses only at night because she had contacts. The two stared at each other for a long long time and they ddin't even blink!
"Uh," said Caitlin. "You two look a like!"
"Why yes, yes they do," said another voice.
Amanda finally pulled her gaze away from Harry to see that Albus Dumbledore was the one speaking.
"Come with me Amanda nad Harry. I've got some things to tell you..."
*****
"WHAT DO U MEAN I HAVE A SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Harry, full of capslock rage. How dare he be told this now!!! Didn't anyone know that Voldiemort was going to BBQ him!??!?!!?!? ALIVE EVEN!?
"OMG YOU TALK IN CAPS TOO!!!!!" Amanda said, tears brimming in her jello eyez. She was just soooooo hapee that like, she had FAMILY!!111 And not just a fake one bnut a REAL one!!111!!! And it was a twin bro! She always wished she had a twin! So they could share ~*~*~*~*secrets!*~*~*~*~ and other family stuff!
Harry remained quiet b/c he rly didn't know what to say b/c for the first time he was speechless with Dumbly (a/n: yeah Harry decided to call him that b/c it takes too much effort to say dumbledore and to type it too lolz) and his words of truth or whateva so Harry just was quiet.
Dumbly's eyez twinkled with sparklez and Harry growed more annoyed with the old fogey. Why would Dumbly keep this secret so long from him?! Especially all of the darma he went threw! Serious dyieng and someone that killed Hagger too!! And Ron was acting like a playa preppy and Hermione was like freak goth now so he had NOBODY NOBODY at ALL. Except maybe Ginny becuz she like became soooooooo hott this summer!! Her boobies grew like ten sizes and she was like a supamodel. And she had a good personality to. (a/n: cuz that's what's important!!!111)
"Say something Harry!" Dumbly said twinkling eyes and smile and all.
"I HAVE A SLYTERHIN SISTER!!" he said suddenly, sobbing. It was the first time he cried in hours. He had been crying a lot recently. Becaue he was in capslocks rage for a long time.
Amanda rested her hand on Harry's head. "It's ok Harry. I'm still getting used to it to. I just was told I am a strong magickal person than anyone ever was and it's so strange and my BFFS have no powers but Ashley is delusional and she makes fake wands becase she is perfect and doesn't even need a last name like Madonna and The Rock and Caitlin tried to be magickal but she has failed and I have NOIONE!!" Amanda now cried and swept her bangs to the side, revealing a nifty, neato cloud scar.
Harry's jaw opened and he swept his bangs to the side. "you have a scar to?! mine;s a lightening bolt! so we must be related cuz clouds and bolts go together like pepperoni and cheese!!"
Amanda smiled sparkly at her new brother. "You mean maccaronie!"
"No I meant pepperoni and cheese. I'm the saver of the world so I know what I'm talking about."
*****
“Oh em gee, Manda! You have a twin. And he is way hott!” giggled Ashley.
“Ew, don’t say that. He is my brother and stuff,” scolded Amanda.
“So lemme get this straight and stuff (a/n: not like Lance Bass! HAHAHAHAH! Get it? Straight!). Your real name is Amanda Potter and your parents died because some guy named Moldyshorts hated them?” said Caitlin looking very very very confused…well she always looked confused, but this time she really was.
“Not Moldyshorts! Voldemort! Voldemort killed our parents and like now theres this huge war going on. And only Harry and me can end it. We gots to kill him with the power of lurve. Or that’s what Dumbly says.”
“Well that should be easy!” said Ashley grinning like a madman.
*****
Even though Amanda just learned that she was The Girl Who Lived she still ahd to go to classes. It turned out she was super good at everything. Even better than Hermione! Hermione didn’t mind though because she liked Amanda a lot and thought she was super cool.
Caitlin and Ashley weren’t so good in everything but they had Amanda to help them so it didn’t matter. They spent most of their time checking out all the hot boys in their uniforms! (a/n: omg…boys in ties and stuff are SO HOTT!!!)
It turned out that everyone found out that Amanda was Harrys twin and she became omg so popular right away. Everyone wanted to see her scar and hear about her life in NYC. They were all really impressed. And all that good stuff.
Pansy AKA Hitler got real real jealous because Amanda was getting all the attention and stuff. So one day when Amanda was talking to Draco (omg he totally was crushing on her!) Pansy walked up to Amanda and her friends and was like “Look you stupid fug! You get away from my boyfriend. He is mine and no one elses. Especially not yours!” Her voice was so obnoxious and at first Amanda, Draco, Caitlin and Ashley only stared at her.
“EXCUSE ME?!” said Caitlin. She was ready to throw down hardcore.
“No…I am not your boyfriend you crazy whore,” said Draco sticking his tongue out at her.
“What!?” Pansy screamed as hse pulled out her wand and aimed it at Amanda. “TripsandFallsus!” she yelled.
But Amanda was way faster than Hitler and she yelled out “Workacornerus Skankwhoreus!”
Pansy didn’t know what the heck hit her but she fell back and landed on her butt and her face turned even uglier than it was!!! (a/n: I know, right!? LOLOLOL.)
Amanda and her friends gave each other high fives and then Draco did something unexpected. He pulled Amanda to him and gave her a big kiss right on the lips! Amanda thought that someone had lit up fireworks because all she saw was different colored sparkses! When he finall pulled away, she almost fell over her body had turned to mush!
“Amanda Potter will you be my girlfriend?” asked Draco.
“OMG YES SHE WILL!” shouted Ashley and Caitlin all at once.
Amanda laughed and shook her head real fast. “Of course I will!!!”
Draco jumped up in the air then and yelled out “Woot!”
And then Vincent and Gregory (Crabbe and Goyle who are way hott now) asked Caitlin and Ashley to be their girlfriends and they said yes too! It was perfect!
So Amanda and Caitlin and Ashley all walked back to their dorms all perky and stuff when they bumped into a red headed girl who looked a little like that Ron boy they had met the first day.
“Hi. I’m Ginny Weasley and I have a crush on your brother,” she said.
*****
So Amanda, along with Caitlin and Ashley helped Ginny sexify herself up even more than she already was (a/n: and her personality b/c that's what counts again!!!!!) and worked on getting Ginny to approach Harry b/c all she could do now was walk up to him and then she would break out into Wake Me up before u go-go (a/n: great song!!!!!!!!!) and did the jitterbug and idk it was so ~*~*~*~*crazy*~*~*~*~.
"ok here is the dope wand I made" said Ashley handing Ginny a sparkly green wand that probs matched Harry's eyez. "tell him u made it for him and he will fall in luv~*~*~ w/ you!!!!!"
Caitlin threw some pink glitter on Ginny and Amanda cleared her throat, ready to perform wandless magick on Ginny to woo (a/n: funny word lolz) her new brother. Amanda moved her hands in a wave motion and some sliver cloud overcame Ginny and her eyez glowed flousresent before she was normal looking again.
So Amanda took Ginny to the Gryff common room b/c she could go in b/c she was Harry's sister and yelled really loudly for Harry. She was feeling capslocky again so everyone undertood the Potter twinz. "HARRY BROTHER POTTER GET DOWN HEAR NOW U SNAPHEAD!!!!!!!!"
Harry came bumbling down the stairs, his green eyez glowing like a glostick. "Voldiemort sent me a message." he said gravely his voice hollow and low (a/n: idk pretend it's deep and weird sounding lol~~~~~~)
"Ya well look at Ginny first she's sooooooo hott!" said Amanda, glaring at her twin. It was soooooo weird looking at another you. but with short hair and no boobies and he probs had a dingy too unless it was cut off like taht CHewbacca dude said.
Harry turned to look at Ginny and his eyes bulged more than his pants did. She was Soooooooooooooooooo HOTT!!! but he liked her personaility more b/c she was spicy and latina and oh wait----spicy and um gingery like the spice girl Ginger Spice. Yeah. So Harry grinned like a crazy loon and grabbed GInny and smooched her big and wet!! There was lots of tonuge and lips and Amanda rolled her eyez and said "um Harry, your eyez are still like glo-stick glowing."
Harry sighed and stopped smooching GInny. "DAMN YOU KLOVES!!!!!!!!!" he shook his fist.
"eeeeeeeeeeeey?" Amanda said, her head tilting in confusion.
"ok Fonz." said Harry in a jocking way. Amanda watched Happy Days probs. But oh well. That was not the issue. "Kloves is Voldiemorts real name. Tom Riddle was a joke. He said so in the message." And then Harry pulled out a message from his pants:
Boi~~~~~~~
u no u want it lolz. im waiting outside 4 u hottie~~~~~~
bring ur hottie sis too and maybe we can cyber later
peace and luv
kloves voldiemort
ps. popozao~**~**~*~
Amanda rolled her eyeballs. "He is so weird."
*****
So Amanda went to prepare for the battle to vanquish Voldiemort but ran into Dracey first.
"Don't fight Voldiemort!!! He touched me in bad places!!!!!!!!" Draco cried (a/n: crying is sooooooo hott now)
Amanda was soooooo shocked b/c Draco was special and did not deserve to be treated like one of Michael Jackson's playboys!!!!!! So she layed a hand on Draco's thigh (a/n: omg I WISH I COULD RLY DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!) and then Draco touched her in a bad place but it felt so nice and then they lost there virility together and Draco cried b/c it was beautiful and he was sooooo in touch with his feminie side now.
*****
It had taken Harry and Dumbly years upon years to figure out how to kill Voldiemort. But once Amanda arrived she had all the answers!
“Are you sure it will work?” asked Harry.
“Of course I am! Turst me. I’ve seen it on TV!” said Amand with an excited squeal.
“That Muggle contraptshun. Does it tell the future?” asked Dubmly.
“No silly! It tells the truth. About everything!”
“Well, ok.” Said Dumbly. “I guess you and your friends can go off by yourselfs and track him down. I hope it works out. If not…well it was nice knowing you!” Dumbly grinned back at them with that freaky twinkle in his eyes and then left.
“Let’s do this Harry! I’ve got to catch the OC at 8 tnoight!”
*****
So Amanda and Harry got Caitlin, Ashley, Draco, Ginny, Hot!Crabbe, Hot!Goyle, Ron, Hermione and headed off to Voldeimorts lare.
It wasn’t hard to find because Amanda just knew. I mean she had like psycho powers and stuff and she could find anything if she wanted. So she found Voledmorsts hideout. It was a cave far far away and was dark and scary. The walls were covered in drawings of snakes and stuff!
Amanda lead Haryr and her friends all into the cave she held out her wand and felt very brave. Because she was and she was smart and pretty and she had her best friends with her and lost her virlity to Draco and dammit…she was perfect! And she could defeat this Voldemort guy no problem.
“VOLDIEMORE!” she yelled at the top of your lungs. “WE KNOW YOU”RE HERE AND WE’RE GOING TO OPEN A CAN OF WHOPP ASS ON YOU! WE ARE GOING TO TAKE YOU DOWN MOTHER F*CKER!” (a/n: I know she cursed but omg she had to be intimdating!)
All the sudden a very ugly man with red eyes a ppeared. He had a snake around his neck (a/n: like Britney on the VMAs that one time. Rembmer? That was so cool!) and he was laughing all crazy like.
“Who the heck are you?” he said.
“I am Amanda Potter. I am Harry’s twin! You killed our parents. Prepare to die!”
Without another word Amanda and Harry linked arms and all their friends stood behind them and did the same.
“CELINE DION!” they all yelled as loud as they could.
And just as Amanda had expected she and Harry’s scars opened up and a rainbow color light shot out of their foreheads and went straight to Voldemorts heart! It was totally like Carebears, you know?
They stayed like that for what seemed like forever and a day and then finally Volidemore blew into smithereens.
“OMG!” said Harry. “WE DID IT! WE KILLED HIM!” He laughed out loud and pulled his twin sister into a big ole hug.
“WITH THE POWER OF LOOOOOVE!” sang Amanda. She giggled too and jumpe dup and down with her new brother.
“WE WIN AT LIFE!!!1!!1!!!!one!1” yelled everyone else.
*****
Everyone was like soooooooooo hapee that the Potter twinz took out Voldiemort and wondered what took so long for Dumbly to get Amanda to HArry. She was like his hero or something. The Hero ahd a Hero and it was just like...confusing and whateva else.
Everyone threw a big partay for the lil friens and their was a celebration like no other!!!!! Just imagine like the partays Puffy (a/n: or P Diddy or whateva his name is!!!!!!!) had with Cristal and bling bling and ya it was a hot join up thurrrrrrrrr!
At the party Amanda was dancing dirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty with Draco when he fell to the ground with injury.
"OMG DRACO!!!!!" she cried, capslock coming out again. Her one twu wuv couldn't die now!!!!!!!!! Tears of glass slipped down her eyez.
But Draco grinned wildly and pulled a box out of his butt pocket. Amanda wondered why one cheek was small but figured she grabbed to much after the *~*~*~*~real~*~*~*~ celebration.
"JK Amanda, jk. I wanteds to know if you would marry me!!!!!!!!!" he exclaimed, his eyes glassy and misty and crying.
Amanda gasped b/c she was soooo surprised but just KNEW they were soulmates and she jumped up and down like crazy. "Yes Draco omg let's go get hitched, y'all!" she exclaimed.
McG (a/n: McGoogles was cool but to long to type and McG is ghetto now) started to do a rap song with her specaial guest, K-Fed (a/n: yeah I know he wasn't around back then but he's teh best rapper, k) and it was a hott joint in the hood. Now everyone was making out and slobbering their people. Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione, Ashley and Hot!Crabbe, Caitlin and Hot!Goyle and DUmbly with McG AND K-Fed. Yeah It was hott. And duh Amanda with Draco!!!!!!!
And so the next day, all of the couples decided to get married b/c they took a soulmate test on the internets and they had higher than 34%, which was average, so that just had to mean they would all last and u know what?!
........................................
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(a/n: lots of suspense lolz)
THEY ALL DID!!! Becuz nobody likes bad endings and everyone married and hapee is what everyone wants! So whateva!11
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El Fin!