captains log # 0158658
how pittiful am i. i have created all others to shun me when i allways seek to be accepted. yeah i know im a bad kid and everything but it's nights like this that when i sit here is the fake leather chare and wait for someone on my 150+ buddly list people worth talking to to come on. and even when u want to say hi to some people u haven't talk to in a while you get shit on for stuff and u remember why u haven't talked to them for soo long. i can't wait to go to college, cuz i'll have a roomate and a brand new beguining. a place where if your truely smart you'll learn from your presious mistakes and make better experiences for you self with people who know nothinjg about you. so far im 3 for 3 with colleges and that makes me pretty happy, buti still need to fill a void now. and every day that void get greater and greater. i don't know how to even stop it, what should i do. appologies to those i ahve hurt, drop all my gruges and take up a moral life. well that's what the bible says and that's about the only way i haven't lived my life. so if tommarro i say sorry julia for the bad things i've said and to tony i say hey man i think i over reacted and i was being imature have a good life! whose to say i can't do that ? that would be the "adult thing to do" but who'se to say that's the adult thing. my dad still runs around and proclaims that julia is a hoe. (don't think that jsut cuz i use these two as my examples that these are the only hurtles i have to over come) i have built up a wall of lies and maybe it's time i break them down and come free. :( oh well it's sooo easy to think like this now but as soon as im around other people the Rick in me comes out. i show compasion only in moderation to be useful. when will i got to be Richard Thomas Laccetti again, the kid who cried at his grandfathers funeral even though he promised him self that he wouldn't. and when can i stop being the self absorbed shit that lies, cheats, and pretends that he doesn't want ne thing from his parents, i have lived that lie so much that i have nothing real to fall back on. pitty me for being empty. oh well no one else cares and i know why cuz we are all the same, every one is like me, we jsut have to step besides ourselves to see it.