One Year Later...
Despite the title this isn't about the past...it's more about what's going on with me now and the way I'm looking at things now. Yes it's been one year since the bottom dropped out and now....I can't exactly explain it. I'm sort of in the same position but then again I'm not. I'm still single while seemingly everyone else is pairing off like the Doomsday Clock's gonna hit midnight tomorrow, I've actually made some progress with the apartment hunt (no bullshit) but it will at least be the start of fall before I can actually move and my opinion on the L word has changed but I still won't use it.
Six months ago all of this would've been ammo for me to do a rant that would make Lewis Black sound like the voice of reason. Right now all of them are serious concerns to me, they still eat at me but those feelings don't rule me as much these days. It's like they're not their the huge, all consuming shadow that's trying to drag my soul down...but I'd give somebody else's right nut (I like keeping mine) to put all of this to an end.
There are a few things still nagging me though...the fact that I STILL haven't gotten a decent night's sleep yet, the bouts of being lonely still get to me and sometimes I let my anger and trust issues get in the way of my common sense at times. Then there's that not-so-easy feeling of being "left behind" while all of my other friends are making the best out of the same situations that seem to be crushing me at the moment. Then again we all have our demons we'd give anything to slay or at least deport to New Jersey.
As for where I stand now...I'm just trying to make something better out of this mess. The only goal I have is to be able to be proud of my life a little more, be a better friends (not to mention stay in touch with a few more of them), get all of the problems I've got solved and out of my way and just to be a better person than I was the day before. I just hope I'm making some serious progress...
Six months ago all of this would've been ammo for me to do a rant that would make Lewis Black sound like the voice of reason. Right now all of them are serious concerns to me, they still eat at me but those feelings don't rule me as much these days. It's like they're not their the huge, all consuming shadow that's trying to drag my soul down...but I'd give somebody else's right nut (I like keeping mine) to put all of this to an end.
There are a few things still nagging me though...the fact that I STILL haven't gotten a decent night's sleep yet, the bouts of being lonely still get to me and sometimes I let my anger and trust issues get in the way of my common sense at times. Then there's that not-so-easy feeling of being "left behind" while all of my other friends are making the best out of the same situations that seem to be crushing me at the moment. Then again we all have our demons we'd give anything to slay or at least deport to New Jersey.
As for where I stand now...I'm just trying to make something better out of this mess. The only goal I have is to be able to be proud of my life a little more, be a better friends (not to mention stay in touch with a few more of them), get all of the problems I've got solved and out of my way and just to be a better person than I was the day before. I just hope I'm making some serious progress...