I should've hired The Wolf for this job...continued.
Soul: This is the absolute problem area. My trust issues, disasterous relationships, my choice of women (you're right, you told me so)...all of that has messed with me. Add the more recent mess and...well I would've taken getting cracked in the face over this. After just letting this eat away at me I've gotten sick of the whole damn thing. So I've had to come to some serious conclusions after nearly a year of that heaping slice of bullshit.
Finding a better class of woman...that has to be done. For entirely too long I thought I was out of the league of anyone I ever dated for whatever reason. In the past I thought since it took so long for them to want to be with me I thought something was off with me. After thinking back I realized that I wasn't as screwed up as I thought. Besides if it took some of my ex-gfs that fast to leave me behind instead of sticking it out and being with me then forget them. I just want to find someone that just gets me, won't take off at the first sign of trouble and blame me for everything from their own issues to the war in Iraq. As for mistakes, we all make them. I still make them but they aren't as big as they used to be. I'm just sick and tired of my mistakes going back to something their ex-boyfriend, idiot relative or God knows who else did what to them coming back to bite me. If that's how they found closure in their lives they have more issues then me. Call me crazy but I'd rather be dealt with for my merits and my mistakes alone. Where to find said women is another journey in itself...
Protecting myself a little more; that's a given. For as long as I can remember I've put myself out there while looking like an idiot while they gave a whole lot of nothing in return. In some cases, when I was younger, I fell a little too fast for the wrong person (yeah, you were right I had horrible taste in women). I'm not going to close myself off completely but the burden of proof shouldn't be on me completely. I don't think it's too much to ask that I get some kind of sign that they share the same feelings as me. Besides, on a selfish note, I'm tired of looking like a l***-struck dillhole that gets burned in the end while they live happily ever after.
Trust issues...don't get me started. Being let down by people that say they care about me so much has left me with too many questions. I know some of those situations would've happened no matter what and some things were out of my hands. The ones that could've been curved before things went bad eat me up more than anything. That's what broke me and made me stop using the L word to anyone within the past year. How can I even use that word towards anyone when it seemingly gives them a license to torch me when things go wrong? I know more than anything that's what has made me bitter and resentful these days. I know I was a young fool back then and I don't want to grow up to be an old fool.
So, in between the two blogs I've posted, the mind and body I can handle. I'm doing what I can and it seems to be enough. Eventually I know those efforts will pay off. The soul however is another story...I've been trying to get past all of these issues on my own with little success. I don't want to be a wandering embodiment of what lies and heartbreak can do to a person for the rest of my life. I've had enough but I feel like I've gone as far as I can go on my own. I know what has to be done, I just know I need some help with this. I know what I want out of my life, I know I deserved better from the beginning. Now I have to find a way to get there...hopefully this time I can get some kind of help I need. As hard as it is, after all I've been through, it's time to put some of my faith in others if I'm going to get through this.
Finding a better class of woman...that has to be done. For entirely too long I thought I was out of the league of anyone I ever dated for whatever reason. In the past I thought since it took so long for them to want to be with me I thought something was off with me. After thinking back I realized that I wasn't as screwed up as I thought. Besides if it took some of my ex-gfs that fast to leave me behind instead of sticking it out and being with me then forget them. I just want to find someone that just gets me, won't take off at the first sign of trouble and blame me for everything from their own issues to the war in Iraq. As for mistakes, we all make them. I still make them but they aren't as big as they used to be. I'm just sick and tired of my mistakes going back to something their ex-boyfriend, idiot relative or God knows who else did what to them coming back to bite me. If that's how they found closure in their lives they have more issues then me. Call me crazy but I'd rather be dealt with for my merits and my mistakes alone. Where to find said women is another journey in itself...
Protecting myself a little more; that's a given. For as long as I can remember I've put myself out there while looking like an idiot while they gave a whole lot of nothing in return. In some cases, when I was younger, I fell a little too fast for the wrong person (yeah, you were right I had horrible taste in women). I'm not going to close myself off completely but the burden of proof shouldn't be on me completely. I don't think it's too much to ask that I get some kind of sign that they share the same feelings as me. Besides, on a selfish note, I'm tired of looking like a l***-struck dillhole that gets burned in the end while they live happily ever after.
Trust issues...don't get me started. Being let down by people that say they care about me so much has left me with too many questions. I know some of those situations would've happened no matter what and some things were out of my hands. The ones that could've been curved before things went bad eat me up more than anything. That's what broke me and made me stop using the L word to anyone within the past year. How can I even use that word towards anyone when it seemingly gives them a license to torch me when things go wrong? I know more than anything that's what has made me bitter and resentful these days. I know I was a young fool back then and I don't want to grow up to be an old fool.
So, in between the two blogs I've posted, the mind and body I can handle. I'm doing what I can and it seems to be enough. Eventually I know those efforts will pay off. The soul however is another story...I've been trying to get past all of these issues on my own with little success. I don't want to be a wandering embodiment of what lies and heartbreak can do to a person for the rest of my life. I've had enough but I feel like I've gone as far as I can go on my own. I know what has to be done, I just know I need some help with this. I know what I want out of my life, I know I deserved better from the beginning. Now I have to find a way to get there...hopefully this time I can get some kind of help I need. As hard as it is, after all I've been through, it's time to put some of my faith in others if I'm going to get through this.