Dysfunctional Family is Dysfunctional
One more post.
Of my immediate family, my siblings and I are the only ones still living.
My brother (full sibling) was given up for adoption. Even if I were to find him, he is severely low-functioning autistic. Communication would be impossible. I, who cared for him in lieu of my parents, was used as the reason to give him away. Long story short, I couldn't meet him, either.
I also have a maternal half-sister. Today is her birthday, which is what brought this post on. We fell out of contact near the end of my drug days. I had more pertinent things to worry about--like not getting killed (I met some bad people by accident--def not your average stoners).
Working through my trauma on coming out here and relearning to form cohesive sentences, I finally found her on-line in 2008 (New Years' Eve, actually). We emailed each other almost daily for a few months.
Then it stopped.
Then it got weird. Now see, because she wasn't my father's, she was my mother's little buddy.
So she denied all the times my mother beat the shit outta me in front of her.
Then she only called me when she wanted advice/needed something.
I sent her constant birthday and Xmas presents, even when I was in the shelter.
I once got something from her--a b-day card w/3$ inside.
I did also get many e-mails with gorgeous words about the meaning of being sisters.
And tons of calls whenever she needed money.
Or whenever she wanted to rub in my face how awesome her dead end life is.
Of course, I offered her many times to come here with me to CA, go to college, and make a future for herself, with me helping her with the basics of living (shelter, food, safety).
She never listened, but called often for me to send her money/things.
Her present this day last year was a smart-phone.
My b-day present last year was being ignored while in a crisis with a violent room-mate, only to reach her a week later. Her reason for ignoring me? Her car broke down. (Who knew your car was running your new phone, huh?) Of course, she promised me the loan and I never saw it instead of honestly telling me no.
Around that time, I asked her for help for the first time in the then two years since I found her. I asked her for a loan of 250$. She asked me for money here and there many times, and I just gave it to her, even when I was homeless--at least some if not all she was asking for. I felt horrible the one time I had to halve what she asked for. I shouldn't've. It was way over 3$
So today being her birthday and all, even if I'm not contacting her, I'm still thinking about this. I've given her many chances, but I'm done with her. I'm really just laying in the road here, and she's the car. I was thinking of rippin' her a new asshole if she texts/calls me, but my partner says considering my blood pressure and all to just ignore it. She's prob right; I don't see the doctor till next week.
But srsly, who gets used and gold-dug by their own sister?
Of my immediate family, my siblings and I are the only ones still living.
My brother (full sibling) was given up for adoption. Even if I were to find him, he is severely low-functioning autistic. Communication would be impossible. I, who cared for him in lieu of my parents, was used as the reason to give him away. Long story short, I couldn't meet him, either.
I also have a maternal half-sister. Today is her birthday, which is what brought this post on. We fell out of contact near the end of my drug days. I had more pertinent things to worry about--like not getting killed (I met some bad people by accident--def not your average stoners).
Working through my trauma on coming out here and relearning to form cohesive sentences, I finally found her on-line in 2008 (New Years' Eve, actually). We emailed each other almost daily for a few months.
Then it stopped.
Then it got weird. Now see, because she wasn't my father's, she was my mother's little buddy.
So she denied all the times my mother beat the shit outta me in front of her.
Then she only called me when she wanted advice/needed something.
I sent her constant birthday and Xmas presents, even when I was in the shelter.
I once got something from her--a b-day card w/3$ inside.
I did also get many e-mails with gorgeous words about the meaning of being sisters.
And tons of calls whenever she needed money.
Or whenever she wanted to rub in my face how awesome her dead end life is.
Of course, I offered her many times to come here with me to CA, go to college, and make a future for herself, with me helping her with the basics of living (shelter, food, safety).
She never listened, but called often for me to send her money/things.
Her present this day last year was a smart-phone.
My b-day present last year was being ignored while in a crisis with a violent room-mate, only to reach her a week later. Her reason for ignoring me? Her car broke down. (Who knew your car was running your new phone, huh?) Of course, she promised me the loan and I never saw it instead of honestly telling me no.
Around that time, I asked her for help for the first time in the then two years since I found her. I asked her for a loan of 250$. She asked me for money here and there many times, and I just gave it to her, even when I was homeless--at least some if not all she was asking for. I felt horrible the one time I had to halve what she asked for. I shouldn't've. It was way over 3$
So today being her birthday and all, even if I'm not contacting her, I'm still thinking about this. I've given her many chances, but I'm done with her. I'm really just laying in the road here, and she's the car. I was thinking of rippin' her a new asshole if she texts/calls me, but my partner says considering my blood pressure and all to just ignore it. She's prob right; I don't see the doctor till next week.
But srsly, who gets used and gold-dug by their own sister?