Love's lingering promise after the demise (repost from today)
It's not insight or rocket science it's not even chemistry that started the last seven months. It was a blur of romantic banter and a promise of absolute secrecy combined with the knowledge that what we had was fleeting and never supposed to happen in the first place. I fell in love with a situation. Through smoke and pint glasses we'd smirk into a dizzying game of lust. There was danger in our determination we were two falling stars, falling parallel to each other. We were one late night glance for one confused stargazer. All that was promised was secrecy and companionship. It was nothing but a game to determine the lesser of two evils. We were two amorous anarchists prone to loving too little too late. Everything she said I'd heard before, men fell for her too easily and she would not fall victim to my affection. She had left a man already, she could live her life without a man.
She gave herself away with champagne lips in a church parking lot. Her disclaimer was convincing until my fingers threaded into her hair. I pulled over as quickly as I could. The windows were steaming as our hearts pounded above the low music that sank into the background. The shifter was the only thing that kept us apart. Back at the club people waited and wondered. I'd only offered her a lift home, promised her nothing asked for nothing that night. What we found was the trouble we craved, the passion to distract us from sleepless nights we'd drown out in alcohol. The game was played out like two car salesmen trying to sell each other the same broken down car. We knew all the tricks. We said all the right things.
We'd see each other late at night. we'd meet at her place or mine. Hiding in plain sight was our favorite game. We would flirt with our eyes and tease in passing. Gossip flared like summer fires. Friends became jealous foes. All of this endeared us to the other. Time passed quickly. The end was near as clouds on the horizon thundering towards us. I could smell her on my sheets and taste her on my lips. Thoughts of seperation became anticipation. Sex was no longer a chemical act but a mental disarming. Struggle and worry melted as we escape into each other. Her body lay warm and inviting as she would rest her head on my chest and sink into my arms.
2 years of loving someone else became escaping into me, loving me, wanting me. She could disarm me with a smile, torture me with a smirk, tease me with clinging cotton and promise without a word herself to me like a causal gift between friends.
I fought to end it and all of my fighting drove me deeper in. She fought to keep me and it was a dance poignant in its intricacy. Reciprocal frustration became love. The reasons to go on were all reasons to end it. For two people totally in control of their emotions neither one of us knew what to do. We were plagued by indecision and we ended due to its dwarfing and painful emotional resonance. For all that we did we never made a decision. She never talked about things. I just closed my eyes and pressed my lips to hers. Our kisses we promises we couldn't keep. Fleeting, doomed, romance the most difficult and honest love. A covenant of heartache is all we share in the end now 2,000 miles apart our promises unfolding in our wake.
She gave herself away with champagne lips in a church parking lot. Her disclaimer was convincing until my fingers threaded into her hair. I pulled over as quickly as I could. The windows were steaming as our hearts pounded above the low music that sank into the background. The shifter was the only thing that kept us apart. Back at the club people waited and wondered. I'd only offered her a lift home, promised her nothing asked for nothing that night. What we found was the trouble we craved, the passion to distract us from sleepless nights we'd drown out in alcohol. The game was played out like two car salesmen trying to sell each other the same broken down car. We knew all the tricks. We said all the right things.
We'd see each other late at night. we'd meet at her place or mine. Hiding in plain sight was our favorite game. We would flirt with our eyes and tease in passing. Gossip flared like summer fires. Friends became jealous foes. All of this endeared us to the other. Time passed quickly. The end was near as clouds on the horizon thundering towards us. I could smell her on my sheets and taste her on my lips. Thoughts of seperation became anticipation. Sex was no longer a chemical act but a mental disarming. Struggle and worry melted as we escape into each other. Her body lay warm and inviting as she would rest her head on my chest and sink into my arms.
2 years of loving someone else became escaping into me, loving me, wanting me. She could disarm me with a smile, torture me with a smirk, tease me with clinging cotton and promise without a word herself to me like a causal gift between friends.
I fought to end it and all of my fighting drove me deeper in. She fought to keep me and it was a dance poignant in its intricacy. Reciprocal frustration became love. The reasons to go on were all reasons to end it. For two people totally in control of their emotions neither one of us knew what to do. We were plagued by indecision and we ended due to its dwarfing and painful emotional resonance. For all that we did we never made a decision. She never talked about things. I just closed my eyes and pressed my lips to hers. Our kisses we promises we couldn't keep. Fleeting, doomed, romance the most difficult and honest love. A covenant of heartache is all we share in the end now 2,000 miles apart our promises unfolding in our wake.