Myspace repost: Wrestlemania 3 recap (part 1)
Wrestlemania 3
Pontiac Silverdome
March 29, 1987
Pontiac, Michigan
Attendance- 93, 971
Quite simply, if you haven't seen this show in it's entirety, you CANNOT call yourself a wrestling fan. The Wrestlemania that sold itself with Hulk vs Andre became the most hyped event in wrestling history...past or present. The undercard (*stacked an unheard of 11 matches strong*) presented the cap off of feuds sometimes years in the making. All of the celebrities booked for the occasion were a-list celebrities of the time. Shit, even the NATIONAL ANTHEM (*a breathtaking performance by Aretha Franklin*) is unmissable. Virtually every SECOND of this ppv is essential, as everything sets up something else. The atmosphere is as tense and anxious as I've seen for a wrestling show.
PPV’s of this era had a distinctly NFL feel to them. While tv was produced en masse, with poor lighting in trashbag arenas (*Poughkeepsie Center has always been and will always be a toilet*) and squashes galore. WM was different. There would be only “Name vs Name” matches….something you didn’t often see outside of Prime Time Wrestling’s “featured match”. Also, huge stadiums like The Silverdome had their own lighting tone, so it set the stage to look like Wrestlemania 3, and Wrestlemania 3 alone. NO other show has that feel. NO other wrestling show (save for maybe David Von Erich Parade Of Champions) has lighting this unique. The fact that every ringshot of WM3 has almost 100,000 people in the background speaks to what a once in a lifetime event this was.
It leads us to Belltime 4pm (EST) on Sunday, March 29, 1987. YOUR commentators are "Gorilla" Monsoon on play by play, and Jesse Ventura on color commentary. They will be joined by Bob Euker and Mary Hart from titme to time. You know, never a constant thing.
MATCH 1: "Magnificent" Muraco & "Ace Cowboy" Bob Orton jr vs "The Can-Am Connection" (*Ricky Martel and Tom Zenk*)
The Lead-up- Adrian Adonis flunky's Orton and Muraco had dropped several high profile tag matches, and this would be another. Storylines had Muraco turning face, and several losses were used as a catalyst for heat between he and Orton. The Can-Am's were brand new to the WWF and had scored only one notable win at this point, teaming with Roddy Piper to beat Adonis and the Dream Team 6 days before.
The Match- Muraco looks COMPLETELY roided out, about a 25 on the Bill Cech scale. Orton looks hung over and glossy, but no more than usual. Martel and Zenk look interchangeable. Crowd is still filing in, but the people already in are hot for the Can Am's. The match starts with Muraco and Zenk, and the Can Am's outwrestle Orton and Muraco for the better part of 3minutes. Orton cuts Zenk off at one point and goes for a cover without hooking a leg, to which Monsoon remarks "You won't pin TOM ZENK THAT WAY." Oh, boy. Orton drops a wicked looking fist to Zenks forehead. Ok, that was sweet. Token heel stuff for about 3, then we get Martel's hot tag. He cleans house and sets up the schoolboy trip/ cross body combo for the 1...2...3 at about seven minutes or so. Nice little match.
Winners: The Can-Am Connection by clean pinfall
The Aftermath- After being "Cockwatched" in the shower by Pat Patterson, Zenk refuses to sign his contract, and leaves the company. Rumor has it that they wanted Marty Jannetty originally anyhow. Bob Orton will start to feud with Muraco 3 weeks later after losing to the team of Jim Powers and Paul Roma. Martel would start teaming with Tito Santana in about June, and win the Tag-Team titles in August.
Match 2: Billy Jack Haynes vs Hercules Hernandez (*w/ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan*)
The Lead Up: Heenan had acquired Hercules contract from Slick for $100,000.00 some months previous. Quite simply, Hernandez had stolen Haynes' finisher 4 weeks prior to 'mania, and Haynes was pissed off. Herc had invited Billy Jack to attempt to break his version, but then jumped him from behind. Hanynes and Hernandez were the final 2 participants in SNME's Wrestlemania lead-up show battle royal, with Hernandez getting the win. Haynes is going into this match with an NWA contract in negotiations which few know about.
The Match: Let's get the obvious right out of the way. Haynes and Hernandez are CRAZY 'roided up here. They smack protruding foreheads to start, and work the clothesline for the next 8 minutes or so. Hernandez controls most of the action. Another sweet looking "Fist like Marty" (*which Jannetty probably dropped on his wife a few times*) from Haynes, and he goes for the nelson. Has it applied, but not locked, and the two tumble to the outside. Billy Jack, like a retard, slaps on the nelson on the OUTSIDE, dragging us to a lame double count out finish. After the bell, Haynes continues his stupidity by following Heenan into the ring, where Hernandez is waiting with his silver link steel chain wrapped around his fist. He BEATS HAYNES LIKE A WHORE with the chain for a good 3 minutes, allowing Haynes to open a vein in his forehead, then leaves the ring laughing. Ventura comments "I wonder if (*Billy Jack*) has the guts to try it again?"
Winner: Double Count-out
Aftermath- Haynes sticks around to have a chain match with Hernandez following WM3, but gets fired for cocaine soon after, conveniently. He jumps to NWA by November. Hercules soon drops the "Hernandez" from his name, and goes on to enjoy a reasonable push for the rest of the year, eventually feuding with The Ultimate Warrior in the Warrior's first program.
Match 3: King Kong Bundy, Lord Littlebrook, and Little Tokyo vs Hillbilly Jim, Haiti Kid, and Little Beaver
The Lead Up: Not much, really. Bundy made some references to going after the opposing teams dwarves, but that was really all. You may remember Haiti Kid as one of Mr.T's cornermen in his Wrestlemania 2 boxing match against Roddy Piper. You may remember Bundy from last years MAIN FREAKIN' EVENT! I guess he rubbed somebody the wrong way.
The Match: Bob Euker joins us for commentary. The match starts out with midgets flying in all directions, with things settling into Haiti and Beaver working over Tokyo. Littlebrook tags in, and Euker informs us that Littlebrook is his favorite. His Lordship locks up with Lil Beaver as Monsoon refers to them as "two of the greatest of all time." Can't argue with that. Littlebrook tags in Bundy, but Lil Beaver stands his ground. Haiti Kid runs in to back him up. Excellent line: Jesse” You think Bundy will go after one of these guys?” Euker: “If he does, it’ll be marinated mushrooms.” Seriously, folks, this is the funniest commentary ever. Finally, Hillbilly tags in to get some action flowing. Every few seconds, Lil Beaver interjects himself to nuisance attack Bundy. Euker sums it up by saying "There's a lot of Beaver all over this place." Again, can't argue with that. Beaver tries to interfere again, but this time is caught, impact slammed, and then ELBOW DROPPED in an awesome visual that plays like dropping a 50lb bag of cement on a mouse.
Ventura: Smash him, Bundy! SMASH HIM, BUNDY! Is he gonna SPLASH him??????
Gorilla: What a sadist....
Winners: Hillbilly Jim, Haiti Kid, and Little Beaver by DQ. I was having too much fun to watch the time.
The Aftermath: Bundy, Haiti Kid, Lil Beaver, and Tokyo weren't heard from again. Littlebrook went back to getting beaten by Cowboy Lane every week on Prime Time, and Hillbilly hung around in the background for a few more years. Nothing really of importance, but still an amazingly fun match.
INTERVIEW CENTER: WWF Intercontinental Champion "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Ms. Elizabeth
Mary Hart does the interview. Macho accuses her of being "Fascinated" with him, and informs her he'll answer the questions one-by-one. Mary says she's more interested in talking to Elizabeth. Macho reminds her that he's the IC champion, but Mary insists. Savage claims that "Anticipation is the word of the day, and motivation is where I go." He sends Elizabeth out, and informs Mary that if she has any more questions, "my phone number's on the back of my license plate." Mary tells him that he was a real charm.
Match 4: “Humiliation Match” : Junkyard Dog vs “The King” Harley Race
The Lead Up: Harley had been with WWF for about a year at this point, and this would be his only memorable program, outside of maybe Jim Duggan. JYD is one of the top babyfaces at this point, but his popularity is beginning to wane. Their issue came from an episode of SNME, where JYD headbutted everyone in sight into unconsiousness, then stole the crown and robe. Heenan stole it back not long after, and this is our payoff.
The Match Stipulation is winner will be called “The King” and given the crown and robe, loser must bow and kneel before the winner. Fabulous Moolah (*at a spry 65*) carries “The Crown Jewels” to the ring on a pillow. Nice touch. “Grab ‘Dem Cakes” starts, and 93,000 pretty much lose their shit.
The Match: Starts out with a lot of selling from Harley, bumping off every shot and taking huge pratfalls all over the ring. Dawg is throwing a LOT of punches, then settles into headbutts. Funny spot where Harley crotches himself on the post crawling away from JYD’s crawling headbutt. Later, Harley goes for a flying headbutt of his own off of the APRON (it’s 1987, remember), but misses completely, and hits the ground with a sickeningly dull thud. The Dawg takes over with some more headbutts, but gets distracted by Heenan, and eats a SWEET B2B suplex from Race which gets him a 123.
Afterward, Moolah brings Race a chair as it’s time to have the JYD kneel and bow. The Dog oblidges the rules and gives a little curtsey and bow. He then NAILS Race in the head with the chair he was sitting on and steals the robe. JYD puts it on (inside out) and leaves the ring (“…like a thief in the night.”_Jesse Ventura*), waiving at the crowd and smiling. Race is visibly bent out of shape.
Winner: Harley Race by clean pinfall.
Aftermath: JYD would immediately follow this show with a Detroit DUI and a resulting depush that pretty much kills the momentum he’d enjoyed since coming to WWF in 1985. By 1988, he was fired for pissing on the driver seat of a rented motorcoach. Race would stick around until the beginning of 1989, and his feud with Jim Duggan would start that upcoming May.
Match 5: The Dream Team (*Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake*)w/ Johnny V and Dino Bravo vs. The Rougeau Bros.
The Lead Up: During the title reign of “The Dream Team”, Jacques and Raymond (brand new to the WWF at the time) gave them several “runs for their money”, often beating the champs in non-title matches and winning the title matches by DQ. The feud had cooled considerably since “The Dream Team” had lost the titles the ‘mania earlier, but their matches were solid and got good reactions. This one would be no exception.
In the weeks prior, Valentine and Beefcake have had trouble staying on the same page. Johnny V, who at this point is traveling with Dino Bravo on his coattails, has made it clear he intends to replace one of The “Dream Team” with Bravo. Beefcake has had several “falling outs” with his team, most notably having his haircut by Adrian Adonis “By accident” in a match involving The Can Am’s and Roddy Piper. Still, we have been assured by Johnny V that everything is fine.
The Match : Rougeaus look really good to open, hitting lots of forearms and bodyblocks and making Beefcake look like an ass. Dropkick from Ray catches Mr. Leslie BOOM! in the mush, and we get a tag to Jacques. Valentine is in, and HE gets his ass kicked for a few, then Jacques misses a “nice dangerous high flyer”- G.Monsoon R.I.P- to become YOUR French-Canadian in peril.
Valentine beats his ass Mid-Atlantic style with chops to the neck and, since it’s Wrestlemania, he busts out that sweet shoulderbreaker. Diving Valentine hammer fist to the throat gets two, but the Dreams are destined to fuck this up. They do, allowing Ramond to tag back in, beat up everybody moving, and set up Valentine for the “Flying Eat My Cock” Rougeau finisher. If you’ve never seen it, you NEED to. Jacques Rougeau LITERALLY dives off of the top rope and hits an opponent in the face with his penis. I am NOT making one syllable of that up. Back to the action sees a cover attempt by Jacques, but the ref is distracted with Beefcake arguing with Johnny V. It allows Bravo to hit a flying sledge to the neck of Jacques, and he deposits Valentine on top for a 123.
Winners: “The Dream Team” by Bravo interference. Afterwards, Bravo, Johnny V, and Valentine leave together, abandoning Beefcake.
Aftermath: Valentine and Bravo would team as “The New Dream Team” until about October, when Johnny V would be released, and “Frenchy” Martin (*Andre The Giant’s real-life valet and housekeeper*) would be brought in to manage Bravo in his “USA Is Not OK” gimmick. The Rougeaus would eventually trun heel and get some good heat, but would end up doing the face French-Canadian tag team gimmick for another year or so. Beefcake’s fate lies ahead…..
Match 6:”Roddy’s Retirement Match”: “Adorable” Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (*Loser Gets His Head Shaved*)
The Lead Up: Piper takes an 8 month break from wrestling in 1986 to spend time with his newborn son, Colton, and to book Portland wrestling. In the absence of “Piper’s Pit”, WWF programming featured “The Flower Shop” interview segment, hosted by the androgynous
Adrian Adonis. The “Shop”, which featured Piper’s bodyguard Bob Orton in a pink cowboy hat, had undeniable homosexual undertones. When Piper returned in August 1986 to “reclaim” his show, he was assaulted by Adonis, Orton, and Don Muraco, and had his knee damaged in the process. He returned to the “Shop” a few weeks later armed with a baseball bat and, after chasing off Adonis and company, DESTROYED the set with the bat, reducing it to rubble. “Piper’s Pit”, he announced, would be back the next week.
Piper had an outstanding SNME match with Orton weeks later, reversing a superplex and sending Orton to the floor for a CO. Piper was jumped by Muraco immediately after the match, settimg up Piper vs Muraco in the Boston Gardens. On a night notable only for the debut of Paul Roma, Piper beat Muraco with a figure 4. Adonis took his shot afterwards, setting up a feud which would run to Wrestlemania, and be the catalyst for the return of Andre The Giant.
A few weeks before Wrestlemania, Piper began to receive critical acclaim for his role in the not-yet released thriller “They Live”. After consideration, Piper decided to leave wrestling and pursue a career in Hollywood. Adonis, upon hearing this, began to make threats to Piper, insinuating that Adonis would put Piper to sleep, then cut his hair and send him to Hollywood bald. Piper took this as a challenge, and the stipulation is added.
The Match : A shot of the barber tools at ringside to open up. Adonis comes to the ring on one of those carts with Jimmy Hart, and they get pelted with trash. Adonis flips off the crowd (again, in 1987) and they scream for his head.
Cue the bagpipes, and Piper is out. Now you’ll hear this a bunch on wrestling broadcasts, but when I say 93,000 people got out of their seats and screamed in unison, I mean 93,000 people got up and screamed in unison.
Piper hits the ring, and the match gets underway. Piper beats Adonis with his belt a few times, then throws Jimmy Hart at him. Seriously funny visual. Adonis takes over with the belt, then adds some token heel stuff, like back rakes and fish hooks, to punish Roddy for a few minutes. Doesn’t take him very long to fuck it up, however, and Roddy comes right back with all sorts of punches to make 300lb man in pink tights who wears a dress look even WORSE. Jimmy Hart interferes, and he gets the fuck pounded out of him for his efforts. He sticks around, however, to spray Piper in the eyes with Adrians pre-Arrogance atomizer cologne, which has no name as far as I’m aware.
Piper blind sells a little, then ends up in Adrian’s “Goodnight Irene” sleeper. He fights it a bunch, but then slinks to the mat and sells dead.
The referee checks his arm, but in a move of absolute insanity, Adonis releases the hold and does not wait for Piper’s arm to hit the mat for the third time. It DOESN’T, but Adonis thinks he’s won the match, and begins to celebrate while Roddy lies comatose on the mat. Brutus Beefcake DASHES to the ring and uses the ill- famed sleeper hold REVERSAL method, introduced by Dr. Sam Shepard in the mid 1960’s, which is to Stiffly chop the back of unconscious person’s head. I’M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP! Piper, magically, arises to his feet, fucks everything up for Adonis, and ends up with a sleeper of his own, and the duke by submission. Afterwards, Beefcake shaves Adonis’ head while Piper holds down Jimmy Hart. Piper shows Adonis his reflection, and Adonis punches the MIRROR! Funny shit. Adonis and Hart get chased off by Brutus, and Roddy begins to celebrate.
All of a sudden, this fucking NUTCASE KID jumps the rail, hops into the ring, and right up to Roddy. He stops dead, then gives Roddy kind of like a “Hey…whats up?” motion. Roddy, confused, returns the gesture, and the kid is like “Okay. Cool.” And just stands there. A whole bunch of suits show up and can be seen beating the poor kids ass into the ringside. Piper, however, kisses Howard Finkle goodbye, and runs to a cart. Again, everyone gets up and cheers.
Winner: Roddy Piper by clean (*cough, cough*) submission
Aftermath: Adonis is FIRED soon afterwards after he realizes the gimmick is bullshit and losing his hair just cost him all his heat. Vnce agrees, sees no further value in Adonis, and fires him. Adonis ends up in AWA, where Verne Gagne’s huge idea for him is, you guessed it, a crossdresser. A few months in, he would become Paul E. Dangerously’s first national promotion client. Adrian Died in early 1989 in a car accident in Canada.
Piper’s Hollywood run consisted of several appearances on “Hollywood Squares” with Lou Albano, and a few spots hosting video programs on MTV. He would return with much fanfare at Wrestlemania 5.
Brutus Beefcake would go on to be repackaged into the loveable barber we all know and love.
Pontiac Silverdome
March 29, 1987
Pontiac, Michigan
Attendance- 93, 971
Quite simply, if you haven't seen this show in it's entirety, you CANNOT call yourself a wrestling fan. The Wrestlemania that sold itself with Hulk vs Andre became the most hyped event in wrestling history...past or present. The undercard (*stacked an unheard of 11 matches strong*) presented the cap off of feuds sometimes years in the making. All of the celebrities booked for the occasion were a-list celebrities of the time. Shit, even the NATIONAL ANTHEM (*a breathtaking performance by Aretha Franklin*) is unmissable. Virtually every SECOND of this ppv is essential, as everything sets up something else. The atmosphere is as tense and anxious as I've seen for a wrestling show.
PPV’s of this era had a distinctly NFL feel to them. While tv was produced en masse, with poor lighting in trashbag arenas (*Poughkeepsie Center has always been and will always be a toilet*) and squashes galore. WM was different. There would be only “Name vs Name” matches….something you didn’t often see outside of Prime Time Wrestling’s “featured match”. Also, huge stadiums like The Silverdome had their own lighting tone, so it set the stage to look like Wrestlemania 3, and Wrestlemania 3 alone. NO other show has that feel. NO other wrestling show (save for maybe David Von Erich Parade Of Champions) has lighting this unique. The fact that every ringshot of WM3 has almost 100,000 people in the background speaks to what a once in a lifetime event this was.
It leads us to Belltime 4pm (EST) on Sunday, March 29, 1987. YOUR commentators are "Gorilla" Monsoon on play by play, and Jesse Ventura on color commentary. They will be joined by Bob Euker and Mary Hart from titme to time. You know, never a constant thing.
MATCH 1: "Magnificent" Muraco & "Ace Cowboy" Bob Orton jr vs "The Can-Am Connection" (*Ricky Martel and Tom Zenk*)
The Lead-up- Adrian Adonis flunky's Orton and Muraco had dropped several high profile tag matches, and this would be another. Storylines had Muraco turning face, and several losses were used as a catalyst for heat between he and Orton. The Can-Am's were brand new to the WWF and had scored only one notable win at this point, teaming with Roddy Piper to beat Adonis and the Dream Team 6 days before.
The Match- Muraco looks COMPLETELY roided out, about a 25 on the Bill Cech scale. Orton looks hung over and glossy, but no more than usual. Martel and Zenk look interchangeable. Crowd is still filing in, but the people already in are hot for the Can Am's. The match starts with Muraco and Zenk, and the Can Am's outwrestle Orton and Muraco for the better part of 3minutes. Orton cuts Zenk off at one point and goes for a cover without hooking a leg, to which Monsoon remarks "You won't pin TOM ZENK THAT WAY." Oh, boy. Orton drops a wicked looking fist to Zenks forehead. Ok, that was sweet. Token heel stuff for about 3, then we get Martel's hot tag. He cleans house and sets up the schoolboy trip/ cross body combo for the 1...2...3 at about seven minutes or so. Nice little match.
Winners: The Can-Am Connection by clean pinfall
The Aftermath- After being "Cockwatched" in the shower by Pat Patterson, Zenk refuses to sign his contract, and leaves the company. Rumor has it that they wanted Marty Jannetty originally anyhow. Bob Orton will start to feud with Muraco 3 weeks later after losing to the team of Jim Powers and Paul Roma. Martel would start teaming with Tito Santana in about June, and win the Tag-Team titles in August.
Match 2: Billy Jack Haynes vs Hercules Hernandez (*w/ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan*)
The Lead Up: Heenan had acquired Hercules contract from Slick for $100,000.00 some months previous. Quite simply, Hernandez had stolen Haynes' finisher 4 weeks prior to 'mania, and Haynes was pissed off. Herc had invited Billy Jack to attempt to break his version, but then jumped him from behind. Hanynes and Hernandez were the final 2 participants in SNME's Wrestlemania lead-up show battle royal, with Hernandez getting the win. Haynes is going into this match with an NWA contract in negotiations which few know about.
The Match: Let's get the obvious right out of the way. Haynes and Hernandez are CRAZY 'roided up here. They smack protruding foreheads to start, and work the clothesline for the next 8 minutes or so. Hernandez controls most of the action. Another sweet looking "Fist like Marty" (*which Jannetty probably dropped on his wife a few times*) from Haynes, and he goes for the nelson. Has it applied, but not locked, and the two tumble to the outside. Billy Jack, like a retard, slaps on the nelson on the OUTSIDE, dragging us to a lame double count out finish. After the bell, Haynes continues his stupidity by following Heenan into the ring, where Hernandez is waiting with his silver link steel chain wrapped around his fist. He BEATS HAYNES LIKE A WHORE with the chain for a good 3 minutes, allowing Haynes to open a vein in his forehead, then leaves the ring laughing. Ventura comments "I wonder if (*Billy Jack*) has the guts to try it again?"
Winner: Double Count-out
Aftermath- Haynes sticks around to have a chain match with Hernandez following WM3, but gets fired for cocaine soon after, conveniently. He jumps to NWA by November. Hercules soon drops the "Hernandez" from his name, and goes on to enjoy a reasonable push for the rest of the year, eventually feuding with The Ultimate Warrior in the Warrior's first program.
Match 3: King Kong Bundy, Lord Littlebrook, and Little Tokyo vs Hillbilly Jim, Haiti Kid, and Little Beaver
The Lead Up: Not much, really. Bundy made some references to going after the opposing teams dwarves, but that was really all. You may remember Haiti Kid as one of Mr.T's cornermen in his Wrestlemania 2 boxing match against Roddy Piper. You may remember Bundy from last years MAIN FREAKIN' EVENT! I guess he rubbed somebody the wrong way.
The Match: Bob Euker joins us for commentary. The match starts out with midgets flying in all directions, with things settling into Haiti and Beaver working over Tokyo. Littlebrook tags in, and Euker informs us that Littlebrook is his favorite. His Lordship locks up with Lil Beaver as Monsoon refers to them as "two of the greatest of all time." Can't argue with that. Littlebrook tags in Bundy, but Lil Beaver stands his ground. Haiti Kid runs in to back him up. Excellent line: Jesse” You think Bundy will go after one of these guys?” Euker: “If he does, it’ll be marinated mushrooms.” Seriously, folks, this is the funniest commentary ever. Finally, Hillbilly tags in to get some action flowing. Every few seconds, Lil Beaver interjects himself to nuisance attack Bundy. Euker sums it up by saying "There's a lot of Beaver all over this place." Again, can't argue with that. Beaver tries to interfere again, but this time is caught, impact slammed, and then ELBOW DROPPED in an awesome visual that plays like dropping a 50lb bag of cement on a mouse.
Ventura: Smash him, Bundy! SMASH HIM, BUNDY! Is he gonna SPLASH him??????
Gorilla: What a sadist....
Winners: Hillbilly Jim, Haiti Kid, and Little Beaver by DQ. I was having too much fun to watch the time.
The Aftermath: Bundy, Haiti Kid, Lil Beaver, and Tokyo weren't heard from again. Littlebrook went back to getting beaten by Cowboy Lane every week on Prime Time, and Hillbilly hung around in the background for a few more years. Nothing really of importance, but still an amazingly fun match.
INTERVIEW CENTER: WWF Intercontinental Champion "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Ms. Elizabeth
Mary Hart does the interview. Macho accuses her of being "Fascinated" with him, and informs her he'll answer the questions one-by-one. Mary says she's more interested in talking to Elizabeth. Macho reminds her that he's the IC champion, but Mary insists. Savage claims that "Anticipation is the word of the day, and motivation is where I go." He sends Elizabeth out, and informs Mary that if she has any more questions, "my phone number's on the back of my license plate." Mary tells him that he was a real charm.
Match 4: “Humiliation Match” : Junkyard Dog vs “The King” Harley Race
The Lead Up: Harley had been with WWF for about a year at this point, and this would be his only memorable program, outside of maybe Jim Duggan. JYD is one of the top babyfaces at this point, but his popularity is beginning to wane. Their issue came from an episode of SNME, where JYD headbutted everyone in sight into unconsiousness, then stole the crown and robe. Heenan stole it back not long after, and this is our payoff.
The Match Stipulation is winner will be called “The King” and given the crown and robe, loser must bow and kneel before the winner. Fabulous Moolah (*at a spry 65*) carries “The Crown Jewels” to the ring on a pillow. Nice touch. “Grab ‘Dem Cakes” starts, and 93,000 pretty much lose their shit.
The Match: Starts out with a lot of selling from Harley, bumping off every shot and taking huge pratfalls all over the ring. Dawg is throwing a LOT of punches, then settles into headbutts. Funny spot where Harley crotches himself on the post crawling away from JYD’s crawling headbutt. Later, Harley goes for a flying headbutt of his own off of the APRON (it’s 1987, remember), but misses completely, and hits the ground with a sickeningly dull thud. The Dawg takes over with some more headbutts, but gets distracted by Heenan, and eats a SWEET B2B suplex from Race which gets him a 123.
Afterward, Moolah brings Race a chair as it’s time to have the JYD kneel and bow. The Dog oblidges the rules and gives a little curtsey and bow. He then NAILS Race in the head with the chair he was sitting on and steals the robe. JYD puts it on (inside out) and leaves the ring (“…like a thief in the night.”_Jesse Ventura*), waiving at the crowd and smiling. Race is visibly bent out of shape.
Winner: Harley Race by clean pinfall.
Aftermath: JYD would immediately follow this show with a Detroit DUI and a resulting depush that pretty much kills the momentum he’d enjoyed since coming to WWF in 1985. By 1988, he was fired for pissing on the driver seat of a rented motorcoach. Race would stick around until the beginning of 1989, and his feud with Jim Duggan would start that upcoming May.
Match 5: The Dream Team (*Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake*)w/ Johnny V and Dino Bravo vs. The Rougeau Bros.
The Lead Up: During the title reign of “The Dream Team”, Jacques and Raymond (brand new to the WWF at the time) gave them several “runs for their money”, often beating the champs in non-title matches and winning the title matches by DQ. The feud had cooled considerably since “The Dream Team” had lost the titles the ‘mania earlier, but their matches were solid and got good reactions. This one would be no exception.
In the weeks prior, Valentine and Beefcake have had trouble staying on the same page. Johnny V, who at this point is traveling with Dino Bravo on his coattails, has made it clear he intends to replace one of The “Dream Team” with Bravo. Beefcake has had several “falling outs” with his team, most notably having his haircut by Adrian Adonis “By accident” in a match involving The Can Am’s and Roddy Piper. Still, we have been assured by Johnny V that everything is fine.
The Match : Rougeaus look really good to open, hitting lots of forearms and bodyblocks and making Beefcake look like an ass. Dropkick from Ray catches Mr. Leslie BOOM! in the mush, and we get a tag to Jacques. Valentine is in, and HE gets his ass kicked for a few, then Jacques misses a “nice dangerous high flyer”- G.Monsoon R.I.P- to become YOUR French-Canadian in peril.
Valentine beats his ass Mid-Atlantic style with chops to the neck and, since it’s Wrestlemania, he busts out that sweet shoulderbreaker. Diving Valentine hammer fist to the throat gets two, but the Dreams are destined to fuck this up. They do, allowing Ramond to tag back in, beat up everybody moving, and set up Valentine for the “Flying Eat My Cock” Rougeau finisher. If you’ve never seen it, you NEED to. Jacques Rougeau LITERALLY dives off of the top rope and hits an opponent in the face with his penis. I am NOT making one syllable of that up. Back to the action sees a cover attempt by Jacques, but the ref is distracted with Beefcake arguing with Johnny V. It allows Bravo to hit a flying sledge to the neck of Jacques, and he deposits Valentine on top for a 123.
Winners: “The Dream Team” by Bravo interference. Afterwards, Bravo, Johnny V, and Valentine leave together, abandoning Beefcake.
Aftermath: Valentine and Bravo would team as “The New Dream Team” until about October, when Johnny V would be released, and “Frenchy” Martin (*Andre The Giant’s real-life valet and housekeeper*) would be brought in to manage Bravo in his “USA Is Not OK” gimmick. The Rougeaus would eventually trun heel and get some good heat, but would end up doing the face French-Canadian tag team gimmick for another year or so. Beefcake’s fate lies ahead…..
Match 6:”Roddy’s Retirement Match”: “Adorable” Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (*Loser Gets His Head Shaved*)
The Lead Up: Piper takes an 8 month break from wrestling in 1986 to spend time with his newborn son, Colton, and to book Portland wrestling. In the absence of “Piper’s Pit”, WWF programming featured “The Flower Shop” interview segment, hosted by the androgynous
Adrian Adonis. The “Shop”, which featured Piper’s bodyguard Bob Orton in a pink cowboy hat, had undeniable homosexual undertones. When Piper returned in August 1986 to “reclaim” his show, he was assaulted by Adonis, Orton, and Don Muraco, and had his knee damaged in the process. He returned to the “Shop” a few weeks later armed with a baseball bat and, after chasing off Adonis and company, DESTROYED the set with the bat, reducing it to rubble. “Piper’s Pit”, he announced, would be back the next week.
Piper had an outstanding SNME match with Orton weeks later, reversing a superplex and sending Orton to the floor for a CO. Piper was jumped by Muraco immediately after the match, settimg up Piper vs Muraco in the Boston Gardens. On a night notable only for the debut of Paul Roma, Piper beat Muraco with a figure 4. Adonis took his shot afterwards, setting up a feud which would run to Wrestlemania, and be the catalyst for the return of Andre The Giant.
A few weeks before Wrestlemania, Piper began to receive critical acclaim for his role in the not-yet released thriller “They Live”. After consideration, Piper decided to leave wrestling and pursue a career in Hollywood. Adonis, upon hearing this, began to make threats to Piper, insinuating that Adonis would put Piper to sleep, then cut his hair and send him to Hollywood bald. Piper took this as a challenge, and the stipulation is added.
The Match : A shot of the barber tools at ringside to open up. Adonis comes to the ring on one of those carts with Jimmy Hart, and they get pelted with trash. Adonis flips off the crowd (again, in 1987) and they scream for his head.
Cue the bagpipes, and Piper is out. Now you’ll hear this a bunch on wrestling broadcasts, but when I say 93,000 people got out of their seats and screamed in unison, I mean 93,000 people got up and screamed in unison.
Piper hits the ring, and the match gets underway. Piper beats Adonis with his belt a few times, then throws Jimmy Hart at him. Seriously funny visual. Adonis takes over with the belt, then adds some token heel stuff, like back rakes and fish hooks, to punish Roddy for a few minutes. Doesn’t take him very long to fuck it up, however, and Roddy comes right back with all sorts of punches to make 300lb man in pink tights who wears a dress look even WORSE. Jimmy Hart interferes, and he gets the fuck pounded out of him for his efforts. He sticks around, however, to spray Piper in the eyes with Adrians pre-Arrogance atomizer cologne, which has no name as far as I’m aware.
Piper blind sells a little, then ends up in Adrian’s “Goodnight Irene” sleeper. He fights it a bunch, but then slinks to the mat and sells dead.
The referee checks his arm, but in a move of absolute insanity, Adonis releases the hold and does not wait for Piper’s arm to hit the mat for the third time. It DOESN’T, but Adonis thinks he’s won the match, and begins to celebrate while Roddy lies comatose on the mat. Brutus Beefcake DASHES to the ring and uses the ill- famed sleeper hold REVERSAL method, introduced by Dr. Sam Shepard in the mid 1960’s, which is to Stiffly chop the back of unconscious person’s head. I’M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP! Piper, magically, arises to his feet, fucks everything up for Adonis, and ends up with a sleeper of his own, and the duke by submission. Afterwards, Beefcake shaves Adonis’ head while Piper holds down Jimmy Hart. Piper shows Adonis his reflection, and Adonis punches the MIRROR! Funny shit. Adonis and Hart get chased off by Brutus, and Roddy begins to celebrate.
All of a sudden, this fucking NUTCASE KID jumps the rail, hops into the ring, and right up to Roddy. He stops dead, then gives Roddy kind of like a “Hey…whats up?” motion. Roddy, confused, returns the gesture, and the kid is like “Okay. Cool.” And just stands there. A whole bunch of suits show up and can be seen beating the poor kids ass into the ringside. Piper, however, kisses Howard Finkle goodbye, and runs to a cart. Again, everyone gets up and cheers.
Winner: Roddy Piper by clean (*cough, cough*) submission
Aftermath: Adonis is FIRED soon afterwards after he realizes the gimmick is bullshit and losing his hair just cost him all his heat. Vnce agrees, sees no further value in Adonis, and fires him. Adonis ends up in AWA, where Verne Gagne’s huge idea for him is, you guessed it, a crossdresser. A few months in, he would become Paul E. Dangerously’s first national promotion client. Adrian Died in early 1989 in a car accident in Canada.
Piper’s Hollywood run consisted of several appearances on “Hollywood Squares” with Lou Albano, and a few spots hosting video programs on MTV. He would return with much fanfare at Wrestlemania 5.
Brutus Beefcake would go on to be repackaged into the loveable barber we all know and love.