Transient
...I apologize to whoever is offended if I mispelled the word in my subject, it looks wrong to me, but I don't know how else to spell it.
I had the realization lately that I am a transient friend, for the most part. The friendships that I form often tend out to be temporary, never really lasting that long. I have no idea why, I can just see it as a continuing pattern in my life. During Elementery school and Middle school, I was friends with a couple of guys. Once we got into High School, I just kind of stopped talking to them. I realized I had nothing in common with them. I got into church ~shudders~ and became friends with Cassie and Shannon, but even that didn't last for very long. They graduated HS, went to college for a while, and kind of dissolved. Shannon got married, and I haven't talked to Cassie in forever. If you don't know about the recent reason for several of my 'friends' to stop talking to me, I'm not going to explain it. (Though Ryan and I are friends again) But the fact that I drift away from my friends isn't really the heart of it. I'm a secondary character in the social circles in my life. I say this not to complain, or to garner pity or sympathy or whatever the hell else there is, but simply to put it down somewhere solid and see if I'm crazy or not. I may read this in three months and think "What the hell was I on?", but right now, and lately, I've realized that I am not the reason for a gathering. I might help instigate it, it might even be my idea. But the reason you come to my party isn't to see me, its to see someone else. Not to say that you don't like me, or enjoy my company. I'm just not your primary concern. I'm secondary. To everyone. And secondary characters always drift into obscurity and get replaced.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say, other than I really believe that all the people I'm friends with right now, I probably won't even be talking to in ten years. People will change, relationships will shift, I'll do more stupid shit. I don't know where I'll be ten years, and I don't know who will be there with me.
I'm a transient friend. A secondary character.
I had the realization lately that I am a transient friend, for the most part. The friendships that I form often tend out to be temporary, never really lasting that long. I have no idea why, I can just see it as a continuing pattern in my life. During Elementery school and Middle school, I was friends with a couple of guys. Once we got into High School, I just kind of stopped talking to them. I realized I had nothing in common with them. I got into church ~shudders~ and became friends with Cassie and Shannon, but even that didn't last for very long. They graduated HS, went to college for a while, and kind of dissolved. Shannon got married, and I haven't talked to Cassie in forever. If you don't know about the recent reason for several of my 'friends' to stop talking to me, I'm not going to explain it. (Though Ryan and I are friends again) But the fact that I drift away from my friends isn't really the heart of it. I'm a secondary character in the social circles in my life. I say this not to complain, or to garner pity or sympathy or whatever the hell else there is, but simply to put it down somewhere solid and see if I'm crazy or not. I may read this in three months and think "What the hell was I on?", but right now, and lately, I've realized that I am not the reason for a gathering. I might help instigate it, it might even be my idea. But the reason you come to my party isn't to see me, its to see someone else. Not to say that you don't like me, or enjoy my company. I'm just not your primary concern. I'm secondary. To everyone. And secondary characters always drift into obscurity and get replaced.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say, other than I really believe that all the people I'm friends with right now, I probably won't even be talking to in ten years. People will change, relationships will shift, I'll do more stupid shit. I don't know where I'll be ten years, and I don't know who will be there with me.
I'm a transient friend. A secondary character.