Authentic
I find that a lot of my thoughts lately have been on authenticity. Living in a city like New York is much different I imagine than living in a city like Los Angeles. Now, I've never lived in Los Angeles however from what I've heard overwhelmingly it is a city of people trying to change the perception of whom they truly are. If I am to be completely honest, I moved to New York in part because I believed that there would be less of that here. What I've come to find is this is not the case. Where as in Las Angeles it may be expected and perhaps as a result more out in the open, in New York it is much less identifiable.
From the moment I first arrived in the city, there was a wonderful honesty to the grime on the streets, the madness of the city blocks. The quirks of each subway station, designed for a time long past and considerably outdated for today's hustling New York. I loved the abruptness, the beautiful directness, the boldness that many would describe as a lack of courtesy but which for me herald such a refreshing openness and truth that I've never felt in a city before. For a time, I had come to a place where I finally felt free to take people as they acted, as I believed it a place where people were not afraid to be who they are.
But alas, I should have understood how naive those ideas would become. What I've found since is that much like the rest of our society, New Yorkers aren't always honest, authentic people, they're just better at hiding their bullshit. For example:
I've always dressed differently from others. Nothing extreme, I'm not wearing the whole D&D getup or drag, nor do I look like Syd Vicious or Steve Erkel. But to give you an idea without too much detail, I like wearing button down shirts, some slacks, and tennis shoes. I also like contrast. Black and white, solid colors, etc. Now, when I moved to Brooklyn it was to a section outside of Williamsburg called Bushwick. Bushwick was originally a Polish/Puerto Rican neighborhood, until artists who were priced out of Williamsburg due to gentrification, just as they were priced out of the East Villiage and Soho before moved there. So here is the point of this example... Here I am, walking to my building from the subway as I come back from work. At the time I am wearing a pair of black slacks, a white button down shirt, a black vest and my customary black tennis shoes, hardly formal attire but attire that could pass in a business setting more than the really "Bitchin" clothes of all the trendy young hipsters and artists in my neighborhood.
So I'm walking by the natural food store in my normal attire, when I overhear "Look at this guy (me), Bushwick is becoming gentrified already!"
I didn't say anything. In fact I kept walking, not because I didn't want to confront him, but because it really didn't bother me, at least not personally. But it did make me think, and in a way it brought about something that does bother me about our society, and that is authenticity.
You see, this kid wasn't Polish or Puerto Rican. Fuck, he probably isn't even an artist. To be honest, most of these kids you see in my neighborhood who wear the torn jeans and have the shaggy hair and walk in Sandals even in the winter, they are afforded those liberties because they have the benefit of trust funds and money from home, which allows them to live in New York city and work at a coffee shop or intern at a theatre or go to school or whatever. However, because I don't have a constant flow of financial support, or even a trickle from home, and because I have to get a day job where I have to wear somewhat business like attire and wake up to get there at 9 in the morning, all the while coming home every night to playing guitar and trying in vain to record songs while balancing sleeping and not pissing off my neighbors too much, I am considered a perfect example of gentrification. Of the death of art in New York. And so here I am, trying to make this work while I have to do all these things that I wished I didn't like work all day when these children sit around drinking chai and act as if the world should be handed to them on a silver platter because they have a degree from some shit college where they fucked around on the internet more than anything else. But, this is the new millennium, and in this brave new world I am the MAN. A force to be battled by counter culture purists everywhere.
But here's the problem: I don't fit in with the business, capitalist, popular culture crowd either. So where does that put me and people like me? Ironically, the counter culture of the past 30 or 40 years has become the popular culture, as evident by the example above of my neighbor's judgments of me. And so I don't belong in popular culture, and I don't belong in the counter culture, then what am I?
I've been loaned a book called Culture Wars. Mostly it's about all these artists arguing with all these senators and people on the right about the NEA. You would not believe the amount of venom that come from either side over the NEA. And with every word I read, as much as I love, appreciate and respect all artistic expression so long as it's genuine, I just kept thinking "Touluse Letrec never got any money from the NEA. Langston Hughes never got any money from the NEA. Irving Berlin never got any money from the NEA. Basquat never got any money, Charlie Parker never got any money." So I sat reading, and I asked myself: "Are these people only able to be artists if they are getting money from the government to do so?" If so, then why are they not able to make the same sacrifices and achieve so much with so little like the artists I mentioned? And if the answer is no, and these artists would remain artists wether they received federal financing or not, then what is really at the heart of these arguments? These artists that are so passionately standing up for the NEA applying to all artists without censorship, are they really fighting for art, or for money? True, having money allows for you to make more art, but like has been demonstrated by everyone from Mozart to Martin Sheen, if you create great art, you will be compensated for such.
So the perception is that these artists are fighting the good fight, against censorship, for art. But the reality is that just because they are not funded by the government it doesn't mean they can't continue to make their art. So, the perception is that they are standing up for art, the reality is that they are standing up for their paychecks. In the same vain, the perception of counter culture is that they move against the popular culture, constantly fighting the good fight against complacency, conformity and status. But in reality the counter culture has it's own standing order of exactly those same principals. The same people you would expect to be shunned by the Ambercrombie and Fitch wearing, Maroon Five/Rihanna listening crowd are shunning others who are not of the Independent, Death Cab for Cutie/Modest Mouse crowd. And those who push for actual tolerance, love, passion and real art grow fewer and farther between.
I hate to place it into these high school type terms, but unfortunately this is how I see much of our society. Much of the victories of the counter culture of the past decades have been empty concessions, seemingly important changes which are there to superficially mask the greater tragedies which take place. We can see this in almost every part of our daily lives. Through our Politics, through our media coverage of news events, our recreational activities, occupations... the clothes that we wear and the foods that we eat.
Turn on CNN on any given night and you will find what I'm talking about. You will see political zealots, on both the liberal and conservative sides beating the same talking points to death, not listening to anything the other person has to say. Coming up with these insane arguments just to get around agreeing with any point from the other side, even when it is plainly obvious. These people are not providing you with political commentary, they're feeding you a commercial for their party, or their political agenda. Obama's a Muslim or McCain wants to be in Iraq for the rest of humanity's existence. Obama refuses to salute the flag or McCain refuses to disagree with any of Bush's policies. All things that any reasonable person with any sort of brain power can deduce as complete nonsense, but yet these people continue to defend this trash as if it is indisputable fact, because they have learned that in the end, if you scream something loud enough, people will begin to believe it. But my question is, where is the voice of the American people? Where is the representation for the person like me who doesn't want to hear a bunch of bullshit propaganda and would like to hear an actual, intellectual discussion about what the hell is going on?
This voice traditionally came from the arts. From Bob Dylan to John Wayne. Hunter S Thompson and C.S. Lewis. But this voice has become much like that which I hear on CNN lately. Music for example, has become much more about what is marketable than what is musical. Much like selling a coffee pot, it is refined, and sculpted. Finished and designed for your optimum enjoyment, all so that you will download the song on itunes, or watch their performance on TRL, or pay $85 to ticketmaster for admission to their 45 minute concert where they make an appearance, give an uninspired performance and then you go home to drink and feel as though you had a night for the ages.
Buying a loaf of bread used to be an easy decision. Isn't it odd that the obesity epidemic has come to prominence in the day and age when all we have is 15 loafs to select from on the self? Low carb, whole wheat, 7 grain, enriched, gluten free... the list goes on. And with all of these choices we're told one week "Limit your carbs" and the next "only eat whole wheat". What the hell are we supposed to do and why the hell were people so healthy when they only had to go between white and wheat? Fat Free doesn't mean there isn't any fat. Whole Wheat doesn't mean the wheat isn't processed. Does anyone even know why 2% milk is 2% when 1% is 1%? I'm sorry but it doesn't seem as though 1% more fat is going to taste that much different, maybe I'm wrong.
And so again, small concessions to hide the actual problem. True, we've established our desire to have more wholesome food so that we can live healthier lives. And the Concession?? We'll make packaging that will make you feel as though you are eating better, regardless of if that's true or not.
And so if you're going to be cheated by these companies, why would we not take the chance to cheat these companies ourselves? Why would someone opt to pay $20 for a record by some band that doesn't even know how to play their instruments anyways when they can just download the shit for free, especially when they only like the band because it's hip to do so? Why invest in art if the art isn't invested in you? It's a great question that I would pose to most of the new artists that are "Making it" today.
Now of course there are plenty of artists who are still trying to make art for the sake of art, just as there are still political scientists who have a grip on reality and nutritionists who will tell you that it isn't a reduction in carbs or fats or anything else you need, but simply a balanced diet and an active lifestyle. But the extreme problem with our society is that these staples of our cultural well being are being systematically phased out of our daily lives. This is being done simply because it is more profitable for you to buy whatever cheaply manufactured art you can be made to think is hip, to believe in whatever political dogma distracts you from major unethical decisions which make the world a worse place but also make people a whole lot of money, and to eat what will make you fat and unhealthy so that you can spend your future paying for weight loss programs, prescription drugs and hospital visits all the while feeding an addiction to the foods which are causing this in the first place. Make no mistake, your complacency, and your willingness to overlook the substance of an issue to enjoy the serenity of oblivion is big business in this brave new world.
So again, we return to Authenticity. Looking around me, everywhere around me, it's becoming harder and harder to see authenticity in our society. As artists, we are supposedly the keepers of this. I can't tell you how many times I've heard from an artist that what they try to do is be as honest and genuine as possible. Someone once said the process of making art is chipping away at all the bullshit you build up around yourself, to expose the truest parts of yourself and your feelings. I also can't tell you how many songs I've heard that I can say "That was written to make money" or "that was written so that the writer could feel cool that they're a really deep artist". I can't tell you how many movies I've seen which have left me with that hollow feeling, as if there was really no substance to it at all. And I can't tell you how many times I've tried to strike a conversation with someone who projects themselves as an extraordinary person only to find exceptionally ordinary dialogue.
So what is there to do? Where do we reclaim this Authenticity that we've so willingly, admittedly unconsciously given up? I don't know. Maybe it's not something we can do. Or maybe, as my friend pointed out tonight, we will approach another revolution, like the beat generation, or the free love generation. You can never quite anticipate which direction you are headed, wether it's a bold dash into the future, or a noble return to the past. But I think, maybe if we stay true to ourselves. Maybe if we hold onto that which makes us as a species special, and remember to love not only one another, but also ourselves as much as we deserve. Maybe if we refuse to accept what a corporation will sell us at the value presented on the tag, and continue to seek out and discover new ways of feeling, communication, and inter personal relations. Maybe if we can put down the cellphones and the videogames and the ipods, and pick up the guitars and the paint brushes and the pens. Maybe if we can remember that a cup of coffee with a lover is more rewarding than a beer in our living room. Maybe if we can forget about our jobs and our bank accounts and our social status for one moment and remember instead to love where, when and who we are. Maybe if we can look at one another from across a room, and share an entire life conversation with one perfect smile, we can hold on to that which makes us more than the sum of our parts.
Maybe, if I can be as honest as possible, in my art and in my life, I will attract that authenticity in others. It may not be enough, but it will be a start.
From the moment I first arrived in the city, there was a wonderful honesty to the grime on the streets, the madness of the city blocks. The quirks of each subway station, designed for a time long past and considerably outdated for today's hustling New York. I loved the abruptness, the beautiful directness, the boldness that many would describe as a lack of courtesy but which for me herald such a refreshing openness and truth that I've never felt in a city before. For a time, I had come to a place where I finally felt free to take people as they acted, as I believed it a place where people were not afraid to be who they are.
But alas, I should have understood how naive those ideas would become. What I've found since is that much like the rest of our society, New Yorkers aren't always honest, authentic people, they're just better at hiding their bullshit. For example:
I've always dressed differently from others. Nothing extreme, I'm not wearing the whole D&D getup or drag, nor do I look like Syd Vicious or Steve Erkel. But to give you an idea without too much detail, I like wearing button down shirts, some slacks, and tennis shoes. I also like contrast. Black and white, solid colors, etc. Now, when I moved to Brooklyn it was to a section outside of Williamsburg called Bushwick. Bushwick was originally a Polish/Puerto Rican neighborhood, until artists who were priced out of Williamsburg due to gentrification, just as they were priced out of the East Villiage and Soho before moved there. So here is the point of this example... Here I am, walking to my building from the subway as I come back from work. At the time I am wearing a pair of black slacks, a white button down shirt, a black vest and my customary black tennis shoes, hardly formal attire but attire that could pass in a business setting more than the really "Bitchin" clothes of all the trendy young hipsters and artists in my neighborhood.
So I'm walking by the natural food store in my normal attire, when I overhear "Look at this guy (me), Bushwick is becoming gentrified already!"
I didn't say anything. In fact I kept walking, not because I didn't want to confront him, but because it really didn't bother me, at least not personally. But it did make me think, and in a way it brought about something that does bother me about our society, and that is authenticity.
You see, this kid wasn't Polish or Puerto Rican. Fuck, he probably isn't even an artist. To be honest, most of these kids you see in my neighborhood who wear the torn jeans and have the shaggy hair and walk in Sandals even in the winter, they are afforded those liberties because they have the benefit of trust funds and money from home, which allows them to live in New York city and work at a coffee shop or intern at a theatre or go to school or whatever. However, because I don't have a constant flow of financial support, or even a trickle from home, and because I have to get a day job where I have to wear somewhat business like attire and wake up to get there at 9 in the morning, all the while coming home every night to playing guitar and trying in vain to record songs while balancing sleeping and not pissing off my neighbors too much, I am considered a perfect example of gentrification. Of the death of art in New York. And so here I am, trying to make this work while I have to do all these things that I wished I didn't like work all day when these children sit around drinking chai and act as if the world should be handed to them on a silver platter because they have a degree from some shit college where they fucked around on the internet more than anything else. But, this is the new millennium, and in this brave new world I am the MAN. A force to be battled by counter culture purists everywhere.
But here's the problem: I don't fit in with the business, capitalist, popular culture crowd either. So where does that put me and people like me? Ironically, the counter culture of the past 30 or 40 years has become the popular culture, as evident by the example above of my neighbor's judgments of me. And so I don't belong in popular culture, and I don't belong in the counter culture, then what am I?
I've been loaned a book called Culture Wars. Mostly it's about all these artists arguing with all these senators and people on the right about the NEA. You would not believe the amount of venom that come from either side over the NEA. And with every word I read, as much as I love, appreciate and respect all artistic expression so long as it's genuine, I just kept thinking "Touluse Letrec never got any money from the NEA. Langston Hughes never got any money from the NEA. Irving Berlin never got any money from the NEA. Basquat never got any money, Charlie Parker never got any money." So I sat reading, and I asked myself: "Are these people only able to be artists if they are getting money from the government to do so?" If so, then why are they not able to make the same sacrifices and achieve so much with so little like the artists I mentioned? And if the answer is no, and these artists would remain artists wether they received federal financing or not, then what is really at the heart of these arguments? These artists that are so passionately standing up for the NEA applying to all artists without censorship, are they really fighting for art, or for money? True, having money allows for you to make more art, but like has been demonstrated by everyone from Mozart to Martin Sheen, if you create great art, you will be compensated for such.
So the perception is that these artists are fighting the good fight, against censorship, for art. But the reality is that just because they are not funded by the government it doesn't mean they can't continue to make their art. So, the perception is that they are standing up for art, the reality is that they are standing up for their paychecks. In the same vain, the perception of counter culture is that they move against the popular culture, constantly fighting the good fight against complacency, conformity and status. But in reality the counter culture has it's own standing order of exactly those same principals. The same people you would expect to be shunned by the Ambercrombie and Fitch wearing, Maroon Five/Rihanna listening crowd are shunning others who are not of the Independent, Death Cab for Cutie/Modest Mouse crowd. And those who push for actual tolerance, love, passion and real art grow fewer and farther between.
I hate to place it into these high school type terms, but unfortunately this is how I see much of our society. Much of the victories of the counter culture of the past decades have been empty concessions, seemingly important changes which are there to superficially mask the greater tragedies which take place. We can see this in almost every part of our daily lives. Through our Politics, through our media coverage of news events, our recreational activities, occupations... the clothes that we wear and the foods that we eat.
Turn on CNN on any given night and you will find what I'm talking about. You will see political zealots, on both the liberal and conservative sides beating the same talking points to death, not listening to anything the other person has to say. Coming up with these insane arguments just to get around agreeing with any point from the other side, even when it is plainly obvious. These people are not providing you with political commentary, they're feeding you a commercial for their party, or their political agenda. Obama's a Muslim or McCain wants to be in Iraq for the rest of humanity's existence. Obama refuses to salute the flag or McCain refuses to disagree with any of Bush's policies. All things that any reasonable person with any sort of brain power can deduce as complete nonsense, but yet these people continue to defend this trash as if it is indisputable fact, because they have learned that in the end, if you scream something loud enough, people will begin to believe it. But my question is, where is the voice of the American people? Where is the representation for the person like me who doesn't want to hear a bunch of bullshit propaganda and would like to hear an actual, intellectual discussion about what the hell is going on?
This voice traditionally came from the arts. From Bob Dylan to John Wayne. Hunter S Thompson and C.S. Lewis. But this voice has become much like that which I hear on CNN lately. Music for example, has become much more about what is marketable than what is musical. Much like selling a coffee pot, it is refined, and sculpted. Finished and designed for your optimum enjoyment, all so that you will download the song on itunes, or watch their performance on TRL, or pay $85 to ticketmaster for admission to their 45 minute concert where they make an appearance, give an uninspired performance and then you go home to drink and feel as though you had a night for the ages.
Buying a loaf of bread used to be an easy decision. Isn't it odd that the obesity epidemic has come to prominence in the day and age when all we have is 15 loafs to select from on the self? Low carb, whole wheat, 7 grain, enriched, gluten free... the list goes on. And with all of these choices we're told one week "Limit your carbs" and the next "only eat whole wheat". What the hell are we supposed to do and why the hell were people so healthy when they only had to go between white and wheat? Fat Free doesn't mean there isn't any fat. Whole Wheat doesn't mean the wheat isn't processed. Does anyone even know why 2% milk is 2% when 1% is 1%? I'm sorry but it doesn't seem as though 1% more fat is going to taste that much different, maybe I'm wrong.
And so again, small concessions to hide the actual problem. True, we've established our desire to have more wholesome food so that we can live healthier lives. And the Concession?? We'll make packaging that will make you feel as though you are eating better, regardless of if that's true or not.
And so if you're going to be cheated by these companies, why would we not take the chance to cheat these companies ourselves? Why would someone opt to pay $20 for a record by some band that doesn't even know how to play their instruments anyways when they can just download the shit for free, especially when they only like the band because it's hip to do so? Why invest in art if the art isn't invested in you? It's a great question that I would pose to most of the new artists that are "Making it" today.
Now of course there are plenty of artists who are still trying to make art for the sake of art, just as there are still political scientists who have a grip on reality and nutritionists who will tell you that it isn't a reduction in carbs or fats or anything else you need, but simply a balanced diet and an active lifestyle. But the extreme problem with our society is that these staples of our cultural well being are being systematically phased out of our daily lives. This is being done simply because it is more profitable for you to buy whatever cheaply manufactured art you can be made to think is hip, to believe in whatever political dogma distracts you from major unethical decisions which make the world a worse place but also make people a whole lot of money, and to eat what will make you fat and unhealthy so that you can spend your future paying for weight loss programs, prescription drugs and hospital visits all the while feeding an addiction to the foods which are causing this in the first place. Make no mistake, your complacency, and your willingness to overlook the substance of an issue to enjoy the serenity of oblivion is big business in this brave new world.
So again, we return to Authenticity. Looking around me, everywhere around me, it's becoming harder and harder to see authenticity in our society. As artists, we are supposedly the keepers of this. I can't tell you how many times I've heard from an artist that what they try to do is be as honest and genuine as possible. Someone once said the process of making art is chipping away at all the bullshit you build up around yourself, to expose the truest parts of yourself and your feelings. I also can't tell you how many songs I've heard that I can say "That was written to make money" or "that was written so that the writer could feel cool that they're a really deep artist". I can't tell you how many movies I've seen which have left me with that hollow feeling, as if there was really no substance to it at all. And I can't tell you how many times I've tried to strike a conversation with someone who projects themselves as an extraordinary person only to find exceptionally ordinary dialogue.
So what is there to do? Where do we reclaim this Authenticity that we've so willingly, admittedly unconsciously given up? I don't know. Maybe it's not something we can do. Or maybe, as my friend pointed out tonight, we will approach another revolution, like the beat generation, or the free love generation. You can never quite anticipate which direction you are headed, wether it's a bold dash into the future, or a noble return to the past. But I think, maybe if we stay true to ourselves. Maybe if we hold onto that which makes us as a species special, and remember to love not only one another, but also ourselves as much as we deserve. Maybe if we refuse to accept what a corporation will sell us at the value presented on the tag, and continue to seek out and discover new ways of feeling, communication, and inter personal relations. Maybe if we can put down the cellphones and the videogames and the ipods, and pick up the guitars and the paint brushes and the pens. Maybe if we can remember that a cup of coffee with a lover is more rewarding than a beer in our living room. Maybe if we can forget about our jobs and our bank accounts and our social status for one moment and remember instead to love where, when and who we are. Maybe if we can look at one another from across a room, and share an entire life conversation with one perfect smile, we can hold on to that which makes us more than the sum of our parts.
Maybe, if I can be as honest as possible, in my art and in my life, I will attract that authenticity in others. It may not be enough, but it will be a start.