hmmmm...what to feel....
hey guys, it's me again. well, the last few days have been odd. saturday was spent cleaning and doing laundry. sunday jason, richie, and i went to vip for karaoke. it was ok. i dunno, i was really tired,and just not into the whole thing after a while. i'm not really feeling karaoke much lately either. i dunno. it's fun, i like going, but i dunno, i'd rather be making music. and i think i'm just going to focus on doing that for the year actually. i think i actually want to start going to real clubs too. vip is so.......boring actually. it has a floor, not exactly a dance floor, and the dj sucks ass!!! but that's the problem, my friends don't like to dance really. i've always been the one who wants to be on the dance floor all the time, i dunno. i've just been in a weird mind frame lately anyways. i've just been thinking about the future, my future, and what i want to do with it. i've decided that i'm going to begin pushing myself musically and emotionally.
then yesterday, i got a call from jason, and he says he's leaving for florida soon, he's decided to move. i'm not quite sure how i feel about this. yesterday i was just kinda numb about it. i'm fine with the decision, but not exactly thrilled obviously. i dunno, this month has been kinda weird for me. my mom moved to texas. we never really saw each other much at all, but yeah, just knowing she's a bizzillion miles away just kinda freaks me out. and now he's leaving. it's for the best i guess. i just keep thinking, hmmmmmmmmmm, ok, i'm alone now. i'm sure i'll be fine, but it's just like, ok, am i gonna be sitting home on my 21st birthday. i probably won't go out anymore, which is probably good anyways. and i'm not gonna hang out with anyone, i mean, i don't really hang out much without him. maybe this will be a good thing though. i dunno. on the upside of things, i can focus on my music more thoroughly. start writing again. now i feel like my other friends don't mean anything. i'm not trying to be like that. i love kyle, gamaur, keith, rachel , teresa, amber, and all the others. i don't know, maybe i'm just thinking too much, that could be it. anyways, karen's gone at work now...a.k.a. the new girl. so now i can train a good friend of mine, elaine, to do the job. so that's cool. i don't know, who knows, maybe i'll find a guy and settle down and get a record deal. that would be nice. i know it's not the end of the world. i should be used to this, it's not uncommon for j. to come, then leave, then come, then leave and such. i think it's just a shock kinda. like one night he's here, the next he's moving. i dunno. i'll deal and get over it. but yeah, maybe all this will be good for me. i mean, it won't kill me, so obviously i'll be stronger. i dunno, i've just been kinda analyzing myself lately, since like last tuesday for some reason, and i've been weird ever since. so i dunno. i've always been kinda a homebody, so now i just get to do that more often. and i won't have to go to v.i.p. anymore, not that jason had to drag me out there or anything, i do like singing, but yeah, that place just kinda gets on my nerves now. and maybe this is just god's way of saying, hey don, focus on your future. which will not be accomplished by partying all year long. but i dunno, i'm still gonna make this the best year of my life. and it's not like j. and i are gonna be not talking, we just will be on the phone and online, so it's not bad. like i said, i think i'm just kinda shocked. i'm a planner, and not very spontaneous, so maybe that 's it. oh well, as a good friend tells me, life goes on beautifully and gracefully.
then yesterday, i got a call from jason, and he says he's leaving for florida soon, he's decided to move. i'm not quite sure how i feel about this. yesterday i was just kinda numb about it. i'm fine with the decision, but not exactly thrilled obviously. i dunno, this month has been kinda weird for me. my mom moved to texas. we never really saw each other much at all, but yeah, just knowing she's a bizzillion miles away just kinda freaks me out. and now he's leaving. it's for the best i guess. i just keep thinking, hmmmmmmmmmm, ok, i'm alone now. i'm sure i'll be fine, but it's just like, ok, am i gonna be sitting home on my 21st birthday. i probably won't go out anymore, which is probably good anyways. and i'm not gonna hang out with anyone, i mean, i don't really hang out much without him. maybe this will be a good thing though. i dunno. on the upside of things, i can focus on my music more thoroughly. start writing again. now i feel like my other friends don't mean anything. i'm not trying to be like that. i love kyle, gamaur, keith, rachel , teresa, amber, and all the others. i don't know, maybe i'm just thinking too much, that could be it. anyways, karen's gone at work now...a.k.a. the new girl. so now i can train a good friend of mine, elaine, to do the job. so that's cool. i don't know, who knows, maybe i'll find a guy and settle down and get a record deal. that would be nice. i know it's not the end of the world. i should be used to this, it's not uncommon for j. to come, then leave, then come, then leave and such. i think it's just a shock kinda. like one night he's here, the next he's moving. i dunno. i'll deal and get over it. but yeah, maybe all this will be good for me. i mean, it won't kill me, so obviously i'll be stronger. i dunno, i've just been kinda analyzing myself lately, since like last tuesday for some reason, and i've been weird ever since. so i dunno. i've always been kinda a homebody, so now i just get to do that more often. and i won't have to go to v.i.p. anymore, not that jason had to drag me out there or anything, i do like singing, but yeah, that place just kinda gets on my nerves now. and maybe this is just god's way of saying, hey don, focus on your future. which will not be accomplished by partying all year long. but i dunno, i'm still gonna make this the best year of my life. and it's not like j. and i are gonna be not talking, we just will be on the phone and online, so it's not bad. like i said, i think i'm just kinda shocked. i'm a planner, and not very spontaneous, so maybe that 's it. oh well, as a good friend tells me, life goes on beautifully and gracefully.