All Poured Out
So a dreadful thing happened today, Teresa's roomie for next year bailed on her. It's really hard, since I know just how she feels and just what she's going through. I starting reading my journals from that time in my life last year and it's just page after page of begging God to let there be some light in my life. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, and certainly not on a very dear friend.
There's a verse from that time last year that has stuck with me long and hard -
"And I will gladly spend and be expended for your souls. If I love you the more, am I to be loved the less?" - 2 Corinthians 12:15
Remembering all that pain from last year makes me hurt so bad. I feel especially deeply for Teresa right now. The cool thing is that now I can see a way God can use my past hurts to comfort Teresa (2 Corin. starts out with the verses on how we can pass on comfort to others because we are first comforted by the God of all comfort). And that verse keeps challenging me to let myself be open to continue to love and pour myself out for her. Because, really, what else have I been left on earth to do, if it's not to pour myself out for others? I know I'm going to get refilled by the Holy Spirit. I won't run dry. But I still hesitate since I know it will hurt.
"And you give, and you give, and you give yourself away..."
It's so hard, being caught between wanting to protect my own heart from reliving past hurts and knowing that if I'm really serious about my religious beliefs, forgiving past hurts and moving on to help and love unconditionally is nothing in light of all Christ has done for me. That still doesn't make it easy.
Of course, little that is easy is worth doing.
There's a verse from that time last year that has stuck with me long and hard -
"And I will gladly spend and be expended for your souls. If I love you the more, am I to be loved the less?" - 2 Corinthians 12:15
Remembering all that pain from last year makes me hurt so bad. I feel especially deeply for Teresa right now. The cool thing is that now I can see a way God can use my past hurts to comfort Teresa (2 Corin. starts out with the verses on how we can pass on comfort to others because we are first comforted by the God of all comfort). And that verse keeps challenging me to let myself be open to continue to love and pour myself out for her. Because, really, what else have I been left on earth to do, if it's not to pour myself out for others? I know I'm going to get refilled by the Holy Spirit. I won't run dry. But I still hesitate since I know it will hurt.
"And you give, and you give, and you give yourself away..."
It's so hard, being caught between wanting to protect my own heart from reliving past hurts and knowing that if I'm really serious about my religious beliefs, forgiving past hurts and moving on to help and love unconditionally is nothing in light of all Christ has done for me. That still doesn't make it easy.
Of course, little that is easy is worth doing.