Blue balls
Is it possible to be consistently on the edge of existential discovery? Those are a lot of words that don't really describe how I feel right now, yet they are the closest that I can provide. My lexicon might not be up to the task, however I feel as if I'm on a precipice of discovery and I'm not exactly sure which side of the ledge I am going to fall. The title of the post is "blue balls" and it seems apt given my inability to provide an outlet for my feelings. I'm bottled up inside just waiting for some type of release, a fruition of emotion, whatever the fuck that may mean; although I get it.
I'm constantly about to realize something profound but I'm just never able to get close enough to actually do it. I'm mentally masturbating through life waiting for something to make me come and nothing will do it.
That's a visceral image, albeit an appropriate one. I just feel like there should be something else, yet I have everything a person could want. It's almost enough to make me think that our reality isn't real, that there is something else out there. I can't find it though, and I don't even know where to look.