(no subject)
so much pressure building up inside
nothing's ever good enough
so why do i care?
your temper rages at me
and there's no where for me to hide
so i stand before you
my soul bared
i try so hard
to do what pleases you
study hard and stay in school
try my best
but only if i succeed does it really matter
your eyes so expectant of the daughter you always wanted
am i her?
do u wish i were someone else
the girl who gets straight A's
or the girl who always listens
the one who never disobeys your wishes?
pressure builds inside
do you really care?
okay yeah so that was horrible but honestly i feel like nothing i will ever do is good enough for them...so why should i even try...that was the way i thought for a while and now im trying to do it for me but sometimes it seems like whats the point...i mean why try when i know im just gonna fail in their eyes...if its not perfect its nothing. i dont know its just such bullshit...everything has been really shitty lately and i dont know why i just feel like no matter what i do this feeling of such sadness and lonliness wont go away...i dont have any close friends that i can talk to about any of this...i mean yeah i have friends but no one that i really feel comfortable enough to confide in about stuff and in some ways i feel like maybe thats for the best...i mean whenever i get close enough to someone to really tell them things and stuff they go away and im so scared of that happening again. i mean i dont know if i could handle losing someone i really care about all over again. well im tired i guess im gonna go...and im pretty much talking nonsense...whatever.
love,
rachael
nothing's ever good enough
so why do i care?
your temper rages at me
and there's no where for me to hide
so i stand before you
my soul bared
i try so hard
to do what pleases you
study hard and stay in school
try my best
but only if i succeed does it really matter
your eyes so expectant of the daughter you always wanted
am i her?
do u wish i were someone else
the girl who gets straight A's
or the girl who always listens
the one who never disobeys your wishes?
pressure builds inside
do you really care?
okay yeah so that was horrible but honestly i feel like nothing i will ever do is good enough for them...so why should i even try...that was the way i thought for a while and now im trying to do it for me but sometimes it seems like whats the point...i mean why try when i know im just gonna fail in their eyes...if its not perfect its nothing. i dont know its just such bullshit...everything has been really shitty lately and i dont know why i just feel like no matter what i do this feeling of such sadness and lonliness wont go away...i dont have any close friends that i can talk to about any of this...i mean yeah i have friends but no one that i really feel comfortable enough to confide in about stuff and in some ways i feel like maybe thats for the best...i mean whenever i get close enough to someone to really tell them things and stuff they go away and im so scared of that happening again. i mean i dont know if i could handle losing someone i really care about all over again. well im tired i guess im gonna go...and im pretty much talking nonsense...whatever.
love,
rachael