(no subject)

Mar 23, 2005 21:49

justin tried to kill himself...he took like 50 tylenol and damaged his liver and he had to get a liver transplant today and i dont know if hes going to be okay i dont really know much of anything...i just feel so helpless. i feel like i should have known, like maybe there was something i could have done. i know in my head that thats stupid, but i cant help how i feel about it. i was so mad at him and so i was mean to him and now i just feel so horrible about it. i shouldnt have been such a bitch to him. he called me to talk and i siad goodbye and hung up on him. what if he was trying to reach out or something i dont know. and im so mad at him for doing this and then im mad at myself for being mad at him and i feel guilty for being mad at him and i feel so sad and i wish there was something i could do and i cant do anything. i hate this feeling of helplessness. i should have known. looking back on it all the signs were there. he was so moody. i mean it was like he had pms 24/7. one minute he was happy and fine and the next he was pissed off or sad. and he slept all the time. i just dont know how i could have been so blind to it. i was too wrapped up in my own shit to see that someone i cared about was in pain. i just dont know what to do.
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