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this is a really laughable translation of this interview, but it's the only full version i've been able to find. i doubt anyone's going to give a shit much, but it's one of my favourite interviews, so i'm putting it here for personal reference, and for anyone else who actually wants to read it (who hasn't already, haha).
The Manic Street Preachers should have been in the middle of their Japanese tour right now. But now they are probably passing nervous days facing their upcoming American tour. I would like to inform you about their US tour dates another time. At least there seems to be no doubt that they will continue to be active in 1995, after giving cathartic live performances at the end of 1994. I got to interview Richey Edwards at his home in Cardiff. There are things I need to ask Richey: it is about the painful hospitalisation incident of last summer, the comeback at the end of the year, and about the actual vulnerable human being of Richey Edwards with which all this is concerned. What is the decision behind the action of shaving his head? Is it my imagination that keeps making me see shadows of someone else when I see Richey, spending the whole day in his pajamas?
How do you perceive Richey's honesty? The three-day concert by the Manic Street Preachers at the end of December in '94 in London held, to fans like me, and probably also for the band, special meaning. The shows were all sold out. In the indeed crowded place, I felt to my bones what the band have been brewing since their debut. Their live show was even more flowing with strength than before, and I felt I was hit by their intensity more than ever.
One of the reasons why the three shows held so much importance was because it marked the comeback of Richey Edwards-who had not been on stage with the band since last summer-to the band. I was admittedly happy to see Richey on the right side of the stage, playing his guitar, after he had been through such a painful period of confusion, frustration, and inner turmoil. It is very unfortunate that this performance will not be seen in Japan in February. But it was because of business reasons, and not the band's wish to do so, we can be sure of that.
Richey himself stated he was "disappointed they weren't going to Japan," and I believe he is telling the truth. It must have been a big decision for the Manics to cancel their Japanese tour. I got to interview Richey Edwards on January 23. When I received the call asking, "Can you get on a train to Cardiff right now?" I jumped on one the next second. When the train slid into the station in Cardiff, where Richey's flat is, I could see his figure on the platform from the window. The head he reportedly shaved two weeks ago had a strong impact on me. I was touched that he came out to the station for me.
In the car on the way to his home Nirvana's In Utero was playing. Since I was listening to the album until I left my London flat I was rather happy at the coincidence. Richey's flat is the third floor on a modern building, and from the window I could see water. Swans reportedly fly in at dawn, and Richey says he sometimes goes down to feed them bread. At this interview, I felt I saw an emotionally naked Richey Edwards. He is kind. Incredibly kind. And he has a purity in him like that of a new-born's. He's sensitive and has his own sense of beauty. Probably a compulsive cleaner. To some he may appear to be hopelessly vain, but I think it is impossible to hate people like him. As I sip the coffee Richey served me, let's start the interview.
Why did you shave your head?
I was bored with my old hairstyle. And I was getting irritated because of it. When I can't sleep at night I start to get destructive ideas, and at times like that I have to do something. The only thing I could do at the time was cut my hair. I cut it, then shaved it.
Did you do it yourself?
Yep, totally shaved everything off. I'd never had it so short before (laugh). But it's okay. I could sleep after that. I would do anything to be able to sleep. I shaved my head two weeks ago, and haven't shaved it since, so look, it's already grown back so much (laugh).
In Japan shaving your head can have a rather deep meaning. Like a result of a great decision.
I think you can say that shaving my head did have great meaning to me. I mean, you know I have really vain streak. I really loved my hairstyle. For the last six months I'd grown it long, parted it on one side, dyed it a reddish orange, and really liked it. But one day, I just wanted to say goodbye to things like that. I got rid of a lot of my notes too. Sunk it in the water. I had all these ideas for songs in the notes. Since after Christmas I'd been writing a huge amount, but when I read them over, for about 80% of the things I didn't think, "This is great!" Some people keep everything they write, but if it's not worth holding onto, I don't see the purpose in it. As you can see, this flat is not very big, and I'm the type to write everything down on notes, so if I kept everything it would stack up to the ceiling. So one day I spent the whole time, all through the night, reading over everything I'd been writing, and threw away in the garbage bag things I didn't like.
Hmm...how dramatic.
Yep! I'm a drama queen (laugh).
Could I ask you a little bit about your hospitalisation last summer? All the fans were very worried. Of course, if you don't want to, you don't have to.
No, I want to talk about anything. I don't mind.
What actually happened to you?
(Smiles slightly)...I got lost somewhere. The really understandable reason is that....Went to the hospital, got out of hospital, and now I'm back in the real world, that's all.
You hurt your body a lot, didn't you?
...Yeah. I drank, and did drugs...I thought I was strong, had a strong body, had a strong mind. But I guess it wasn't really true. I wasn't strong. One day, I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't even get water, and I started thinking, "why?" It's really important for me to be able to understand things. Last summer, for instance, I would wake up in the morning and find something on my nail, and I would sit in a chair for like four hours, just thinking, "What is it?" trying to understand. but you can't go through life living like that, can you? You wouldn't even be able to move. I was living here by myself, didn't have anyone to talk to, and didn't even have a phone then.
Hmm...it's important to release your inner feelings outside, and for you, by constantly writing and writing songs, I think it's becoming a way of release for you.
Exactly! The only problem is when for two or three days straight I keep on writing things I couldn't call good, and I start thinking, "Maybe I can't write anymore. Perhaps nothing else is going to come out." I hate the feeling and the idea of it, but those are the times that I need to calm myself down more than ever. Sometimes I get sick of myself. But it's the result of something you did, so all you can do is accept the results.
Do you sometimes think, "It's hard to accept"?
Not particularly. I don't regret anything, and I think the action of regretting is meaningless. I mean, you can't change yesterday, you can't change tomorrow, the only time you can change is now. I think, "There is a day called today. I shall do things for today." That's exactly what I try to do.
Those are words that lift a haze from the head. I think that really cleared my head. But you, with such clear ideas, I don't know how you could have crumbled like that last summer...
I haven't touched alcohol since last summer. I'd been drinking just a great amount of alcohol until then since '89, when I left college. And when I was drinking I didn't eat properly. Cos, you know, I'm conceited, so I was thinking, "I don't want a beer gut," and I didn't want to be fat. So I just drank and drank and was drugged up. As a result I was always nauseous, like having an illness. Twenty-four hours a day, I'm trying to do a lot of things to get through that day, but when you feel like vomiting, you start to not be able to do the things you should do. Just plastered to the bed all day. If I needed to read a book, I couldn't. I'm thinking, "I need to clean the house. The bathroom too. Go see that movie, read that book, go to the library and look for an interesting book," but I ended up doing nothing. There were all these things I wanted to do piling up inside me, but I couldn't do any of it. I felt I was going a wrong direction.
Were you frustrated at times like that?
Yeah, you can say that. I think what I did was really self-destructive. The worst thing-the worse thing I did to myself was try to go back to being normal. That's what totally messed me up in the end. And...I went back to the hospital.
At the time, what was the one thing you didn't want to lose?
When I wake up every morning I know what I want to do that day. That's to write better and better things. I want to articulate my inner feelings better. Ever since I remember, all I wanted to be able to do was to be able to write things, and to be able to satisfy myself. It could be so very simple to achieve a carefree life - if words didn't matter, I could write shitty lyrics every day, making it rhyme, make it easy for James to sing it. But writing songs holds a lot of value for me. I think I'm a pretty good poet. I think my songs are pretty good, and I think I'm working hard, really dedicating myself to it. I know there are people who would disagree, but I consider songwriting as an artform. I'm trying my hardest to express myself in the best way in music. I'm happy when I write good things, and I want to satisfy myself in those areas. I didn't want to lose that feeling. And I also wanted to see my dog. He was named Snoopy. But he died two weeks ago. That's why I shaved my head...He was seventeen years old, but we've been together since we were young, he's been "my dog" for so long...(looks away sadly).
I see...that was really unfortunate. I remember that when you were hospitalised James came to visit you almost every day, and, like James, you have people that seriously care about you, but did those people and your family's love and concern help you? Or did you feel actually pressure because of it?
I didn't feel any pressure at all. I think almost everybody in this world knows that there is at least one person out there that cares about them. But...(thinking for a while) you can change yourself, as a single human being, but you can't force others to do things they don't want to do. Do this, do that, you can desperately beg, but you can't make them really do something they don't want to do, can you? Just like that, when you tell an ill or mentally ill person, "I think you know this, but there are a lot of people who care about you," they don't care about things like that because they don't like themselves. Because you don't care about yourself, any love or affection expressed by others has no impact. When you don't like yourself inside, what others say start to have no meaning. You think, "Why does everybody like me?" "Why would they care?" I mean, you don't give a shit about yourself. You know, that's a really ridiculous idea in a way.
Do you think these experiences, including the hospitalisation, have changed you? Like you said before, now you're back in the real world.
I haven't noticed a difference. But now I think, "I have more time." Because my lifestyle is completely healthy now. I have totally severed myself from alcohol and drugs now. So now I can use the whole day completely. I can do what I want now, and about the only thing I wish for is a good night's sleep. Before I'd reach for alcohol as soon as I woke up...The days were really short. Some people say, "Most of the best writings have been done by alcoholics or junkies," but I don't believe it. That's bullshit. You don't need to be like that to write good work. When your alcoholism progresses, you start to lose track of a lot of your goals and motivation. Myself, I think I was losing most of my days. When I woke I felt nauseous, and absolutely did not feel like doing anything. A few hours later, I'd feel a bit better but my body would start demanding alcohol or drugs. That's how you lose your days. It's not like I'm writing a greater amount than I was back then, but now for instance I'll be able to watch television, and I definitely have more time to think. I can rid my mind of panicky thoughts or worries. Before, I just never had time after I woke up.
You're probably a sensitive person. There's a lot of people in the music business are like, "Let's take it easy!" but you're not like that.
Most people in this business are totally insensitive. Most are downright evil. I personally don't know anyone who is in a band that I respect. And no one at the record companies really care about the bands. But because of it I respect people like Mishima (Yukio Mishima, Japanese author). He had sensitivity in his words, and tried to match his existence to that. His words were very beautiful, full of kindness and constructed of lovely, beautiful words. But, at the same time, he trained his body, and was physically very strong. There was something quite intense about the way his life ended, too.
Do you like being alone?
Yeah. I do like being alone.
Don't you sometimes think, "I want somebody to be with me always"?
I do. I really want somebody seriously. But...Thinking of all the things I'm going to expect from myself and the other person, I start to think it will be very difficult. I don't think there's anybody that would want to live with me...Putting these things in words and saying them is really sad. But it's true (laugh).
You really think that way?
I think when you really love someone you become trapped in jealousy. I think that's hard and painful for anybody. I've never wanted to be in love with an unfaithful person. Not just physical, but in intellectual, spiritual aspect of things too. For instance, say you're watching television with someone you love. An incredibly attractive person appears on the screen. For me, finding that person on TV appealing is being very unfaithful. So then you start to think the other person must feel that way sometimes. Most people are much more mature about things like that, but I just can't do it yet. I'm sure that when most people break up they have valid reasons to do so, but to me, my partner saying, "That picture of River Phoenix is gorgeous!" is enough for me to say, "That's it. Bye." If we were walking down the street and my partner thought, "Oh that person is good-looking," I think, "Then why are you with me?" Seriously. If I were to really be in love with someone, that person would be, in my eyes, more beautiful than Bette Davis, more than anyone. I'd take down every picture on my walls.
Could we call you a faithful, one-person only type?
If I had a lover I think I would be completely faithful. I would never touch anyone else, and if I did sleep with another person I would end up becoming unfaithful to everyone else. Unfaithful even to my past memories.
When was the last time you were in a relationship?
I've never had a long relationship. The longest one was a girlfriend I had when I was younger, and that lasted about four days, I think? Since starting the band only one girl. I can talk to her easier than with anyone else. That's really important to me. But even to her I've never said, "I love you," or anything. I've known her for a few years, but I've kissed her once, no, twice, that's all. Really, that's it. When you're in love, I think there's feeling of being trapped.
Can you see yourself maintaining a long-term relationship in the future?
I'm already twenty-seven. To me, a relationship is to give something, and not expect or hope for something in return. When I look around, everyone is expecting something back for what they did. To me, that's not love.
Talking of love, that's written on the fingers of your left hand. Lately I see it a lot in pictures, so is it your new slogan or something?
Ha ha ha! It's not like a slogan or anything. I write something on my fingers every day. Usually "LOVE." There are people that write "LOVE" and "HATE" on their hands, but to be honest, isn't that a bit stupid? I don't write "HATE." I mean, I don't dislike anyone that strongly, and I'm much more critical of myself than of others. I don't want to waste my time by hating someone, and even if I had a bad experience I can forget about people like that. I say, "FUCK YOU," and that's it.
Do you hold fears against anything?
Nothing in particular. Actually it's more like I'm surprised when people whine about being scared of planes or being scared of cars and stuff. Me, I can't help but laugh when something is thrown at me when I'm on stage. It's like, "What are you worried about?" If something that was thrown hits my head, it just simply hits my head. It's not like the end of the world or something. I'm really not scared of anything. If somebody walking by me on the street suddenly started attacking me, I wouldn't panic or get frightened. Because I didn't do anything wrong. On the contrary, I start to sympathise, "What an unfortunate person." I think racism comes from fear. Everyone says, "We are strong" and want to show it but they're weak, just like everyone else.
I want to conclude soon, so how do you perceive the Manic Street Preachers, the band?
I think the band is getting better and better. I think the lyrics are getting better too. I think I've found improved ways to articulate myself better. I don't need to know if my words have gotten more accessible than before now, but I still hope they are. I think a few songs off the last album The Holy Bible were really easy to understand, the way 'Motorcycle Emptiness' was. I don't think what I'm saying has changed, but now maybe I'm expressing my words in better ways.
Thank you very much for today. Oh, by the way, you're wearing a badge that says, "I MISS MY VIRGINITY" on it, so do you miss it?
Yeah, I do (laugh)! To be honest, that's the only time I ever listened to advice given to me by a third person on how to live my life. I didn't sleep with anyone until I was twenty-one. I never met a woman that made me think, "She's the one!" I mean, everyone around me was doing it. I knew it wasn't the paramount event in life that people made it out to be--well, I suppose it's an experience, but "experience" and "life" are different. I believe that. So one day I met a girl and did it, but when I woke up the next day I was the same person. I wasn't a "Newly changed man," the way the people said. That was my first time (laugh).
After the interview I took pictures all around the flat. "Look, this is the first autograph I ever got," he says, and brings out the Echo and the Bunnymen single "The Promises," and also shows me a photograph. "This is James getting his autograph from Ian McCulloch, I took it (laugh)" Pictures from when he was a child, pictures of Richey pretending to be Ian McCulloch, pictures with his mother, he showed me several, but in all the photos his dog Snoopy was present.
When I think of how much Richey must have cared about his dog, it became hard to look at his shaven head. Of the books lining the wall, he told me about which one was his favourite, which one was the most interesting, or of the pictures on the walls, which ones he liked (Audrey Hepburn shopping in the supermarket with a fawn. He says that's his favourite Audrey picture), and he seemed to be enjoying himself as he told me about all sorts of things, and it made me happy to see Richey like that.
When the week is over, the Manics start rehearsing and songwriting for their next album in the studio where they recorded The Holy Bible. At the end of February they will spend exactly a month on a club tour all around the US. I have no doubt in the fact that they give one of the most intense live shows of any other band in the current British rock scene, but I cannot help but pray for their success in America. If anyone could do it, it's them, I am convinced.
The Manic Street Preachers should have been in the middle of their Japanese tour right now. But now they are probably passing nervous days facing their upcoming American tour. I would like to inform you about their US tour dates another time. At least there seems to be no doubt that they will continue to be active in 1995, after giving cathartic live performances at the end of 1994. I got to interview Richey Edwards at his home in Cardiff. There are things I need to ask Richey: it is about the painful hospitalisation incident of last summer, the comeback at the end of the year, and about the actual vulnerable human being of Richey Edwards with which all this is concerned. What is the decision behind the action of shaving his head? Is it my imagination that keeps making me see shadows of someone else when I see Richey, spending the whole day in his pajamas?
How do you perceive Richey's honesty? The three-day concert by the Manic Street Preachers at the end of December in '94 in London held, to fans like me, and probably also for the band, special meaning. The shows were all sold out. In the indeed crowded place, I felt to my bones what the band have been brewing since their debut. Their live show was even more flowing with strength than before, and I felt I was hit by their intensity more than ever.
One of the reasons why the three shows held so much importance was because it marked the comeback of Richey Edwards-who had not been on stage with the band since last summer-to the band. I was admittedly happy to see Richey on the right side of the stage, playing his guitar, after he had been through such a painful period of confusion, frustration, and inner turmoil. It is very unfortunate that this performance will not be seen in Japan in February. But it was because of business reasons, and not the band's wish to do so, we can be sure of that.
Richey himself stated he was "disappointed they weren't going to Japan," and I believe he is telling the truth. It must have been a big decision for the Manics to cancel their Japanese tour. I got to interview Richey Edwards on January 23. When I received the call asking, "Can you get on a train to Cardiff right now?" I jumped on one the next second. When the train slid into the station in Cardiff, where Richey's flat is, I could see his figure on the platform from the window. The head he reportedly shaved two weeks ago had a strong impact on me. I was touched that he came out to the station for me.
In the car on the way to his home Nirvana's In Utero was playing. Since I was listening to the album until I left my London flat I was rather happy at the coincidence. Richey's flat is the third floor on a modern building, and from the window I could see water. Swans reportedly fly in at dawn, and Richey says he sometimes goes down to feed them bread. At this interview, I felt I saw an emotionally naked Richey Edwards. He is kind. Incredibly kind. And he has a purity in him like that of a new-born's. He's sensitive and has his own sense of beauty. Probably a compulsive cleaner. To some he may appear to be hopelessly vain, but I think it is impossible to hate people like him. As I sip the coffee Richey served me, let's start the interview.
Why did you shave your head?
I was bored with my old hairstyle. And I was getting irritated because of it. When I can't sleep at night I start to get destructive ideas, and at times like that I have to do something. The only thing I could do at the time was cut my hair. I cut it, then shaved it.
Did you do it yourself?
Yep, totally shaved everything off. I'd never had it so short before (laugh). But it's okay. I could sleep after that. I would do anything to be able to sleep. I shaved my head two weeks ago, and haven't shaved it since, so look, it's already grown back so much (laugh).
In Japan shaving your head can have a rather deep meaning. Like a result of a great decision.
I think you can say that shaving my head did have great meaning to me. I mean, you know I have really vain streak. I really loved my hairstyle. For the last six months I'd grown it long, parted it on one side, dyed it a reddish orange, and really liked it. But one day, I just wanted to say goodbye to things like that. I got rid of a lot of my notes too. Sunk it in the water. I had all these ideas for songs in the notes. Since after Christmas I'd been writing a huge amount, but when I read them over, for about 80% of the things I didn't think, "This is great!" Some people keep everything they write, but if it's not worth holding onto, I don't see the purpose in it. As you can see, this flat is not very big, and I'm the type to write everything down on notes, so if I kept everything it would stack up to the ceiling. So one day I spent the whole time, all through the night, reading over everything I'd been writing, and threw away in the garbage bag things I didn't like.
Hmm...how dramatic.
Yep! I'm a drama queen (laugh).
Could I ask you a little bit about your hospitalisation last summer? All the fans were very worried. Of course, if you don't want to, you don't have to.
No, I want to talk about anything. I don't mind.
What actually happened to you?
(Smiles slightly)...I got lost somewhere. The really understandable reason is that....Went to the hospital, got out of hospital, and now I'm back in the real world, that's all.
You hurt your body a lot, didn't you?
...Yeah. I drank, and did drugs...I thought I was strong, had a strong body, had a strong mind. But I guess it wasn't really true. I wasn't strong. One day, I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't even get water, and I started thinking, "why?" It's really important for me to be able to understand things. Last summer, for instance, I would wake up in the morning and find something on my nail, and I would sit in a chair for like four hours, just thinking, "What is it?" trying to understand. but you can't go through life living like that, can you? You wouldn't even be able to move. I was living here by myself, didn't have anyone to talk to, and didn't even have a phone then.
Hmm...it's important to release your inner feelings outside, and for you, by constantly writing and writing songs, I think it's becoming a way of release for you.
Exactly! The only problem is when for two or three days straight I keep on writing things I couldn't call good, and I start thinking, "Maybe I can't write anymore. Perhaps nothing else is going to come out." I hate the feeling and the idea of it, but those are the times that I need to calm myself down more than ever. Sometimes I get sick of myself. But it's the result of something you did, so all you can do is accept the results.
Do you sometimes think, "It's hard to accept"?
Not particularly. I don't regret anything, and I think the action of regretting is meaningless. I mean, you can't change yesterday, you can't change tomorrow, the only time you can change is now. I think, "There is a day called today. I shall do things for today." That's exactly what I try to do.
Those are words that lift a haze from the head. I think that really cleared my head. But you, with such clear ideas, I don't know how you could have crumbled like that last summer...
I haven't touched alcohol since last summer. I'd been drinking just a great amount of alcohol until then since '89, when I left college. And when I was drinking I didn't eat properly. Cos, you know, I'm conceited, so I was thinking, "I don't want a beer gut," and I didn't want to be fat. So I just drank and drank and was drugged up. As a result I was always nauseous, like having an illness. Twenty-four hours a day, I'm trying to do a lot of things to get through that day, but when you feel like vomiting, you start to not be able to do the things you should do. Just plastered to the bed all day. If I needed to read a book, I couldn't. I'm thinking, "I need to clean the house. The bathroom too. Go see that movie, read that book, go to the library and look for an interesting book," but I ended up doing nothing. There were all these things I wanted to do piling up inside me, but I couldn't do any of it. I felt I was going a wrong direction.
Were you frustrated at times like that?
Yeah, you can say that. I think what I did was really self-destructive. The worst thing-the worse thing I did to myself was try to go back to being normal. That's what totally messed me up in the end. And...I went back to the hospital.
At the time, what was the one thing you didn't want to lose?
When I wake up every morning I know what I want to do that day. That's to write better and better things. I want to articulate my inner feelings better. Ever since I remember, all I wanted to be able to do was to be able to write things, and to be able to satisfy myself. It could be so very simple to achieve a carefree life - if words didn't matter, I could write shitty lyrics every day, making it rhyme, make it easy for James to sing it. But writing songs holds a lot of value for me. I think I'm a pretty good poet. I think my songs are pretty good, and I think I'm working hard, really dedicating myself to it. I know there are people who would disagree, but I consider songwriting as an artform. I'm trying my hardest to express myself in the best way in music. I'm happy when I write good things, and I want to satisfy myself in those areas. I didn't want to lose that feeling. And I also wanted to see my dog. He was named Snoopy. But he died two weeks ago. That's why I shaved my head...He was seventeen years old, but we've been together since we were young, he's been "my dog" for so long...(looks away sadly).
I see...that was really unfortunate. I remember that when you were hospitalised James came to visit you almost every day, and, like James, you have people that seriously care about you, but did those people and your family's love and concern help you? Or did you feel actually pressure because of it?
I didn't feel any pressure at all. I think almost everybody in this world knows that there is at least one person out there that cares about them. But...(thinking for a while) you can change yourself, as a single human being, but you can't force others to do things they don't want to do. Do this, do that, you can desperately beg, but you can't make them really do something they don't want to do, can you? Just like that, when you tell an ill or mentally ill person, "I think you know this, but there are a lot of people who care about you," they don't care about things like that because they don't like themselves. Because you don't care about yourself, any love or affection expressed by others has no impact. When you don't like yourself inside, what others say start to have no meaning. You think, "Why does everybody like me?" "Why would they care?" I mean, you don't give a shit about yourself. You know, that's a really ridiculous idea in a way.
Do you think these experiences, including the hospitalisation, have changed you? Like you said before, now you're back in the real world.
I haven't noticed a difference. But now I think, "I have more time." Because my lifestyle is completely healthy now. I have totally severed myself from alcohol and drugs now. So now I can use the whole day completely. I can do what I want now, and about the only thing I wish for is a good night's sleep. Before I'd reach for alcohol as soon as I woke up...The days were really short. Some people say, "Most of the best writings have been done by alcoholics or junkies," but I don't believe it. That's bullshit. You don't need to be like that to write good work. When your alcoholism progresses, you start to lose track of a lot of your goals and motivation. Myself, I think I was losing most of my days. When I woke I felt nauseous, and absolutely did not feel like doing anything. A few hours later, I'd feel a bit better but my body would start demanding alcohol or drugs. That's how you lose your days. It's not like I'm writing a greater amount than I was back then, but now for instance I'll be able to watch television, and I definitely have more time to think. I can rid my mind of panicky thoughts or worries. Before, I just never had time after I woke up.
You're probably a sensitive person. There's a lot of people in the music business are like, "Let's take it easy!" but you're not like that.
Most people in this business are totally insensitive. Most are downright evil. I personally don't know anyone who is in a band that I respect. And no one at the record companies really care about the bands. But because of it I respect people like Mishima (Yukio Mishima, Japanese author). He had sensitivity in his words, and tried to match his existence to that. His words were very beautiful, full of kindness and constructed of lovely, beautiful words. But, at the same time, he trained his body, and was physically very strong. There was something quite intense about the way his life ended, too.
Do you like being alone?
Yeah. I do like being alone.
Don't you sometimes think, "I want somebody to be with me always"?
I do. I really want somebody seriously. But...Thinking of all the things I'm going to expect from myself and the other person, I start to think it will be very difficult. I don't think there's anybody that would want to live with me...Putting these things in words and saying them is really sad. But it's true (laugh).
You really think that way?
I think when you really love someone you become trapped in jealousy. I think that's hard and painful for anybody. I've never wanted to be in love with an unfaithful person. Not just physical, but in intellectual, spiritual aspect of things too. For instance, say you're watching television with someone you love. An incredibly attractive person appears on the screen. For me, finding that person on TV appealing is being very unfaithful. So then you start to think the other person must feel that way sometimes. Most people are much more mature about things like that, but I just can't do it yet. I'm sure that when most people break up they have valid reasons to do so, but to me, my partner saying, "That picture of River Phoenix is gorgeous!" is enough for me to say, "That's it. Bye." If we were walking down the street and my partner thought, "Oh that person is good-looking," I think, "Then why are you with me?" Seriously. If I were to really be in love with someone, that person would be, in my eyes, more beautiful than Bette Davis, more than anyone. I'd take down every picture on my walls.
Could we call you a faithful, one-person only type?
If I had a lover I think I would be completely faithful. I would never touch anyone else, and if I did sleep with another person I would end up becoming unfaithful to everyone else. Unfaithful even to my past memories.
When was the last time you were in a relationship?
I've never had a long relationship. The longest one was a girlfriend I had when I was younger, and that lasted about four days, I think? Since starting the band only one girl. I can talk to her easier than with anyone else. That's really important to me. But even to her I've never said, "I love you," or anything. I've known her for a few years, but I've kissed her once, no, twice, that's all. Really, that's it. When you're in love, I think there's feeling of being trapped.
Can you see yourself maintaining a long-term relationship in the future?
I'm already twenty-seven. To me, a relationship is to give something, and not expect or hope for something in return. When I look around, everyone is expecting something back for what they did. To me, that's not love.
Talking of love, that's written on the fingers of your left hand. Lately I see it a lot in pictures, so is it your new slogan or something?
Ha ha ha! It's not like a slogan or anything. I write something on my fingers every day. Usually "LOVE." There are people that write "LOVE" and "HATE" on their hands, but to be honest, isn't that a bit stupid? I don't write "HATE." I mean, I don't dislike anyone that strongly, and I'm much more critical of myself than of others. I don't want to waste my time by hating someone, and even if I had a bad experience I can forget about people like that. I say, "FUCK YOU," and that's it.
Do you hold fears against anything?
Nothing in particular. Actually it's more like I'm surprised when people whine about being scared of planes or being scared of cars and stuff. Me, I can't help but laugh when something is thrown at me when I'm on stage. It's like, "What are you worried about?" If something that was thrown hits my head, it just simply hits my head. It's not like the end of the world or something. I'm really not scared of anything. If somebody walking by me on the street suddenly started attacking me, I wouldn't panic or get frightened. Because I didn't do anything wrong. On the contrary, I start to sympathise, "What an unfortunate person." I think racism comes from fear. Everyone says, "We are strong" and want to show it but they're weak, just like everyone else.
I want to conclude soon, so how do you perceive the Manic Street Preachers, the band?
I think the band is getting better and better. I think the lyrics are getting better too. I think I've found improved ways to articulate myself better. I don't need to know if my words have gotten more accessible than before now, but I still hope they are. I think a few songs off the last album The Holy Bible were really easy to understand, the way 'Motorcycle Emptiness' was. I don't think what I'm saying has changed, but now maybe I'm expressing my words in better ways.
Thank you very much for today. Oh, by the way, you're wearing a badge that says, "I MISS MY VIRGINITY" on it, so do you miss it?
Yeah, I do (laugh)! To be honest, that's the only time I ever listened to advice given to me by a third person on how to live my life. I didn't sleep with anyone until I was twenty-one. I never met a woman that made me think, "She's the one!" I mean, everyone around me was doing it. I knew it wasn't the paramount event in life that people made it out to be--well, I suppose it's an experience, but "experience" and "life" are different. I believe that. So one day I met a girl and did it, but when I woke up the next day I was the same person. I wasn't a "Newly changed man," the way the people said. That was my first time (laugh).
After the interview I took pictures all around the flat. "Look, this is the first autograph I ever got," he says, and brings out the Echo and the Bunnymen single "The Promises," and also shows me a photograph. "This is James getting his autograph from Ian McCulloch, I took it (laugh)" Pictures from when he was a child, pictures of Richey pretending to be Ian McCulloch, pictures with his mother, he showed me several, but in all the photos his dog Snoopy was present.
When I think of how much Richey must have cared about his dog, it became hard to look at his shaven head. Of the books lining the wall, he told me about which one was his favourite, which one was the most interesting, or of the pictures on the walls, which ones he liked (Audrey Hepburn shopping in the supermarket with a fawn. He says that's his favourite Audrey picture), and he seemed to be enjoying himself as he told me about all sorts of things, and it made me happy to see Richey like that.
When the week is over, the Manics start rehearsing and songwriting for their next album in the studio where they recorded The Holy Bible. At the end of February they will spend exactly a month on a club tour all around the US. I have no doubt in the fact that they give one of the most intense live shows of any other band in the current British rock scene, but I cannot help but pray for their success in America. If anyone could do it, it's them, I am convinced.