Some thing I am trying to work on at this point
Over the last few months, I have been reflect internally very much. I realize that I need a lot of self-improvement. Other than my weight, which is now a total of 20 lbs. lighter, I do have some other things.
1. Work on my overall sense of self. Of late spiritually I have been much more of a humanist within a heathen context. Very little work with the gods which is somewhat intentional. One little nugget of truth I picked up in my teenage angst and reading Le Vay's Satanic Bible was that one really has to belief in themselves first before they can have a healthy relationship with any power outside of them- whether gods, demons, or even just people. I have lost my sense of self over the last few years and that has to be paramount to getting myself back on track.
2. Came up with a bit of a mantra today to sum up how I have been feeling. A lot of it has to do with being a coward or the most part. Yeah most people know it but have at least not made too much of it- plenty other things to criticize. I do realize that I have had little to back up what I believe, intellectually and physically- the latter being my actual biggest shame. The mantra is a play on a pejorative alternative to my name: I'd rather be the dick in charge than the pussy/asshole getting fucked at the end of it all. I have been an asshole most of my adult life. Time to start being more of a dick to those who deserve it.
--2a. Not only lose weight but getting into a shape and some type of training, which, though unlikely will make me any type of "warrior", will get me in a mentqal and physical shape to stand for myself, for those I love, and my dear friends. Once money rebounds after some medical problems here in the casa, I am getting a kick/punching bag. It is a start. I found a good Muay Thai place in the same complex as the kids gymnastics. Tried a free class and it kicked my ass but I felt so good afterward.
3. Somewhat extending from 2 as well is working on maincraft and understand what all that entails. I hope to deeper understand both its physical and spiritual side. I did okat with the spiritual side but the physical is very lacking. Last time I combined the two I was playing drums regularly.
4. I have been working on this for a while, though it is still a hard balance: Trying not to let myself getting pulled into or start on-line flame arguments. Satae what I believe and leave it at that. Get asked a sane question, try to give a sane answer and only if I really feel I must. Particularly I am trying to stay out of peoples' ways these days- dropping a number of lists and going to digest on many. I know where I stand- not needed and no better than anyone else. My folk get something out of me and that is enough for now.
5. Try to find things which are more fun and/or different. Been stuck ina rut of sorts and need to change it up a bit.
Hopefully I can get all this done. I really must, but I realize that my attention span or situations can be fleeting.
Rich
1. Work on my overall sense of self. Of late spiritually I have been much more of a humanist within a heathen context. Very little work with the gods which is somewhat intentional. One little nugget of truth I picked up in my teenage angst and reading Le Vay's Satanic Bible was that one really has to belief in themselves first before they can have a healthy relationship with any power outside of them- whether gods, demons, or even just people. I have lost my sense of self over the last few years and that has to be paramount to getting myself back on track.
2. Came up with a bit of a mantra today to sum up how I have been feeling. A lot of it has to do with being a coward or the most part. Yeah most people know it but have at least not made too much of it- plenty other things to criticize. I do realize that I have had little to back up what I believe, intellectually and physically- the latter being my actual biggest shame. The mantra is a play on a pejorative alternative to my name: I'd rather be the dick in charge than the pussy/asshole getting fucked at the end of it all. I have been an asshole most of my adult life. Time to start being more of a dick to those who deserve it.
--2a. Not only lose weight but getting into a shape and some type of training, which, though unlikely will make me any type of "warrior", will get me in a mentqal and physical shape to stand for myself, for those I love, and my dear friends. Once money rebounds after some medical problems here in the casa, I am getting a kick/punching bag. It is a start. I found a good Muay Thai place in the same complex as the kids gymnastics. Tried a free class and it kicked my ass but I felt so good afterward.
3. Somewhat extending from 2 as well is working on maincraft and understand what all that entails. I hope to deeper understand both its physical and spiritual side. I did okat with the spiritual side but the physical is very lacking. Last time I combined the two I was playing drums regularly.
4. I have been working on this for a while, though it is still a hard balance: Trying not to let myself getting pulled into or start on-line flame arguments. Satae what I believe and leave it at that. Get asked a sane question, try to give a sane answer and only if I really feel I must. Particularly I am trying to stay out of peoples' ways these days- dropping a number of lists and going to digest on many. I know where I stand- not needed and no better than anyone else. My folk get something out of me and that is enough for now.
5. Try to find things which are more fun and/or different. Been stuck ina rut of sorts and need to change it up a bit.
Hopefully I can get all this done. I really must, but I realize that my attention span or situations can be fleeting.
Rich