(no subject)
this ignorance lark is quite fun.
i get to be a complete and total fuckbag without consequence, liberating considering i spend most of my life either paranoid or constantly in a high state of awareness and preparedness.
living this side of moral ambiguity is refreshing, but at the same time, reminds me of how much i would hate to live like this permanently. ignorance, desire and mindless joy are wonderful, carnal emotions, but they mean nothing to me next to truth and clarity, which often have to be forsaken.
it has been nice to 'indulge' but i think i'm nearly ready to go back, however soul destroying the environment i create for myself is, it is where my mind is most comfortable. within itself, looking out and seeing all.
we'll see what comes of it.
i've had some interesting and frankly scary ideas about screenplays come out of it. something i need to get down on paper. the deterioration of the mind through lack of sleep, the world it creates as if warning you of the damage you're doing, the weird momentum that builds from night to night.
we'll see.
also, Eloise Tanner and Milo Vennerassi, whereever you are, i love you both and will remember what you taught me forever.
i get to be a complete and total fuckbag without consequence, liberating considering i spend most of my life either paranoid or constantly in a high state of awareness and preparedness.
living this side of moral ambiguity is refreshing, but at the same time, reminds me of how much i would hate to live like this permanently. ignorance, desire and mindless joy are wonderful, carnal emotions, but they mean nothing to me next to truth and clarity, which often have to be forsaken.
it has been nice to 'indulge' but i think i'm nearly ready to go back, however soul destroying the environment i create for myself is, it is where my mind is most comfortable. within itself, looking out and seeing all.
we'll see what comes of it.
i've had some interesting and frankly scary ideas about screenplays come out of it. something i need to get down on paper. the deterioration of the mind through lack of sleep, the world it creates as if warning you of the damage you're doing, the weird momentum that builds from night to night.
we'll see.
also, Eloise Tanner and Milo Vennerassi, whereever you are, i love you both and will remember what you taught me forever.