A Strange Thought
I have changed a lot in the past year maybe year and a half. I no long fear the idea of death and its something I really dwelled on a lot in the past. I have learned a lot about the world and about my place in it. Recently I have started to come into my own as a performer as well. The material I write now reflects me as a person and not some mirror of comedy as I thought it should be. Witch is discouraging in its own way because if things don't go well at a show those people don't dislike some character they dislike me. Yet something is not clicking and I am closer to finding out how to make the terror in my mind funny.
I guess the direction I'm going in is I had something pop into my mind today that fucked me up. I have never experienced love or more specifically the idea that there is another human being that needs me. I have felt love for my family and friends and I have experienced love for my species as well as the universe as a hole. Heck I feel there are women I have loved beyond the ideal of lust I can't be sure but the feeling is there. In my life time that feeling hasn't been returned even in puppy love the chicks were never that into me. I'm young and there is a lot of time left to figure it out yet as a perform and writer there is a part of me that has to wonder if thats whats missing. Like there is this puzzle board inside my head and that piece fell between the cushions of my sofa. What if I just don't believe in love? Maybe thats just who I am and I'm wasting my time.
This isn't a cry for pity or any other form of the word like the shit I used to post back in high school. This is just me letting you guys know where my head is in the here and now.
I guess the direction I'm going in is I had something pop into my mind today that fucked me up. I have never experienced love or more specifically the idea that there is another human being that needs me. I have felt love for my family and friends and I have experienced love for my species as well as the universe as a hole. Heck I feel there are women I have loved beyond the ideal of lust I can't be sure but the feeling is there. In my life time that feeling hasn't been returned even in puppy love the chicks were never that into me. I'm young and there is a lot of time left to figure it out yet as a perform and writer there is a part of me that has to wonder if thats whats missing. Like there is this puzzle board inside my head and that piece fell between the cushions of my sofa. What if I just don't believe in love? Maybe thats just who I am and I'm wasting my time.
This isn't a cry for pity or any other form of the word like the shit I used to post back in high school. This is just me letting you guys know where my head is in the here and now.