Counting to 100 and I promise I won't peak....
Wow...so it's been awhile since I wrote in here last time, so I think I'll update because I have some time. So I gained a boyfriend over the summer, and in true Sarah fashion, I promtly dumped him after 3 weeks of school. Guess why? Well part of it was because being single during college DOES have its ups, but the other part was bc of our trusty friend Zach. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???? The boy has a girlfriend for Christsake, whom he is QUITE happy with I mite add. AND, he seems to hate me. Not that I can say I blame him, but.... yup, I most definately have it bad for Zach. BAD SARAH!!! Besides that, school is going pretty well, I spose.
So back to the more pressing issue. OKay, so I'm beginning to wonder if this whole "third time's a charm" theory has any support to back it up. Not that he'd give me another chance, because hell, it's not like I'm the most deservant of girls, but I sometimes just lie awake and wonder if I didn't make the biggest mistake ever. I did this the first time too. One would think I'd learn my lesson, but no no.. I had to find it out the hard way. And that I did. And what did he do? The exact opposite of what I did. AGAIN. ARRGGG. I think I have a problem. What is it about him that keeps drawing me back to him? I know it's not the comfort issue, because I was comfortable with Chris, but I broke up with him. It's not because he's with a girl he's happy with either because I did this when he was with Mallory, and then I waited for him. I think he's my penguin.
So guy penguins search for the most elaborate pebbles to give to girl penguins rite? Then girl penguins pick which one they like best, and they're with that penguin-- kinda like they marry it. I think I have Z's pebble-- and I don't wanna give it back. Greddy? Possibly. Selfish? Oh, most Definately. But I don't know how to fix it, and I'm sure as hell not gonna give it back. I don't know what to do!!!!! Any advice? I mean, I don't fancy myself a home-wrecker, and even if I were I dont think he'd go for it. I think he's REALLY happy. Which makes me happy for him. I don't know if he realizes that he was kinda like the only guy I kinda completely gave my heart to and loved, so he's sorta special which makes all of this even harder. PLUS he won't even talk to me now which makes all of this even harder. Sometimes I wish I had a different life. I wish I was prettier, or smarter, or just happy. But it's pointless to dream because nothing ever changes-- at least for me. All I can do is hope for the best and hope this gets through to him. Somehow.
Mk, Ima wrap this up in true Sarah fashion with a few quotes and a little love. Remember: bye bye and buy bonds.
To know me is to love me, and you know you love me.
**QUOTES**
"Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music and rhythm and grace and song and laughter? Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of flesh and the living colors of the earth and sky and sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who love love?"
~The Ragamuffin Gospel
"It was like sawdust, the unhappiness: it infiltrated everything, everything was a problem, everything made her cry- the future, the lack of future, fear of future, fear in general- but it was so hard to say exactly what the problem was in the first place."
~Unknown
"I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll Have to fight for as long as I love. I wonder if it's worth it."
~Elizabeth Wurtzel
"I think I would miss you even if I never met you."
~"The Wedding Date."
~*SHOUT OUTS*~
Shanna- I love and miss you, my one, my only... my bosom buddy!!!! LIMONade rocks my world, and you are the only one I will drink it with, punk! Haha. Thanks for havin my back durin my seizure and when i have issues with parental units and boys. Can't wait to tear it up with u in E-ville in 2 weeks... woot woot!! Also, its fun givin Nate a bath!
Amanda- I <3 you, but I miss our late nite Hinkles runs!!!
Z- What to say? You would think I would run out of words when it comes to you, as much as I annoy you, but alas I haven't...so here are some more. You never commented on the song *COUGH COUGH*.... Hahah. I'm not entirely sure how to make u see how I feel without u getting mad or annoyed and rolling ure eyes (which I imagine u do everytime I try to talk to you...). Maybe this will help. You weren't just my first love, Z, you were my only love. No lie. You were the one who taught me love doesn't conquer all. That love ends. And then it begins again. You will forever be a part of me, probably more than you know. I'm not entirely sure how to make u see unless you let me talk to you, and you listen to the song... because it really is true. You once said you'd do anything for me...I was too naieve and stupid to realize what that meant then, but I realize now. I only regret that I probably waited too long. *Disclaimer: I REALLY AM NOT TRYING TO GET YOU BACK...if anything I'm willing to be your friend.*
So back to the more pressing issue. OKay, so I'm beginning to wonder if this whole "third time's a charm" theory has any support to back it up. Not that he'd give me another chance, because hell, it's not like I'm the most deservant of girls, but I sometimes just lie awake and wonder if I didn't make the biggest mistake ever. I did this the first time too. One would think I'd learn my lesson, but no no.. I had to find it out the hard way. And that I did. And what did he do? The exact opposite of what I did. AGAIN. ARRGGG. I think I have a problem. What is it about him that keeps drawing me back to him? I know it's not the comfort issue, because I was comfortable with Chris, but I broke up with him. It's not because he's with a girl he's happy with either because I did this when he was with Mallory, and then I waited for him. I think he's my penguin.
So guy penguins search for the most elaborate pebbles to give to girl penguins rite? Then girl penguins pick which one they like best, and they're with that penguin-- kinda like they marry it. I think I have Z's pebble-- and I don't wanna give it back. Greddy? Possibly. Selfish? Oh, most Definately. But I don't know how to fix it, and I'm sure as hell not gonna give it back. I don't know what to do!!!!! Any advice? I mean, I don't fancy myself a home-wrecker, and even if I were I dont think he'd go for it. I think he's REALLY happy. Which makes me happy for him. I don't know if he realizes that he was kinda like the only guy I kinda completely gave my heart to and loved, so he's sorta special which makes all of this even harder. PLUS he won't even talk to me now which makes all of this even harder. Sometimes I wish I had a different life. I wish I was prettier, or smarter, or just happy. But it's pointless to dream because nothing ever changes-- at least for me. All I can do is hope for the best and hope this gets through to him. Somehow.
Mk, Ima wrap this up in true Sarah fashion with a few quotes and a little love. Remember: bye bye and buy bonds.
To know me is to love me, and you know you love me.
**QUOTES**
"Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music and rhythm and grace and song and laughter? Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of flesh and the living colors of the earth and sky and sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who love love?"
~The Ragamuffin Gospel
"It was like sawdust, the unhappiness: it infiltrated everything, everything was a problem, everything made her cry- the future, the lack of future, fear of future, fear in general- but it was so hard to say exactly what the problem was in the first place."
~Unknown
"I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll Have to fight for as long as I love. I wonder if it's worth it."
~Elizabeth Wurtzel
"I think I would miss you even if I never met you."
~"The Wedding Date."
~*SHOUT OUTS*~
Shanna- I love and miss you, my one, my only... my bosom buddy!!!! LIMONade rocks my world, and you are the only one I will drink it with, punk! Haha. Thanks for havin my back durin my seizure and when i have issues with parental units and boys. Can't wait to tear it up with u in E-ville in 2 weeks... woot woot!! Also, its fun givin Nate a bath!
Amanda- I <3 you, but I miss our late nite Hinkles runs!!!
Z- What to say? You would think I would run out of words when it comes to you, as much as I annoy you, but alas I haven't...so here are some more. You never commented on the song *COUGH COUGH*.... Hahah. I'm not entirely sure how to make u see how I feel without u getting mad or annoyed and rolling ure eyes (which I imagine u do everytime I try to talk to you...). Maybe this will help. You weren't just my first love, Z, you were my only love. No lie. You were the one who taught me love doesn't conquer all. That love ends. And then it begins again. You will forever be a part of me, probably more than you know. I'm not entirely sure how to make u see unless you let me talk to you, and you listen to the song... because it really is true. You once said you'd do anything for me...I was too naieve and stupid to realize what that meant then, but I realize now. I only regret that I probably waited too long. *Disclaimer: I REALLY AM NOT TRYING TO GET YOU BACK...if anything I'm willing to be your friend.*