I think I think too much....
I have no idea what to do. For someone who hates to be put in the spotlight so much, I seem to be very needly lately...and that bothers me. This last week has been SO crazy. Like feeling I didn't even know I still had resurfaced throwing me into a whirlwind of emotions, and in the end leaving me more confused and torn then ever. Why can't things be easy again? I never thought I'd say this...but high school was so much easier. I used to think it wasn't because of all the bullshit drama, but after recent events on campus.. that argument doesn't really hold up anymore.
People have changed so much, and good or bad, the change is so dramatic that I find myself questioning my relationships with them. Were they ever really valid? Did they ever count? Some have turned into people I never thought they'd be. Some have turned confused, vulnerable, and lost. But when I look in the mirror, all I see is the same old me. The same Sarah that was humble and meek and outspoken is still here. That's not where I what I want to be. I want to change. I want to be different. I just don't know how.
Hmm.. so enough of that, on to more fun subject... well at least ones that aren't so thoughtful on my behalf. So this weekend Steph and I went home, and it was good. We got to see the little kittens. 1 word: ADORABLE. There's this one kinda fat one, Tank, that is sooo cute. He's a climber, and he fights the other two kittens to get to the certain teat he likes the most...he's got spunk and tenacity. I LIKE 'IM! Our house was all rearranged which was kinda odd...my dad threw off my groove. Psh-- we'll see how long I let THAT stop me. ;) So Fri. we got home at like 7ish and played with the kittens til 7:30ish then went and saw my mum at work. Then Z came over at like 11. It was kinda boring. We watched Inuyasha..not by choice, though. That was pretty much all of Fri.
Sat Steph and I went to Castleton to shop-- I got some V. cute clothes, but would you expect anything else from me? But alas, I had to resist all temptation to buy something from Hot Topic-- I have mad will power is all I have to say about that. Anyhoo, after like 4 hours of shopping, we FINALLY got to go home. Shopping can get kinda tedious, so it was all good. Then I went home, changed, and went to dinner with Z. V. fun, v. good. After that we watched SAW, and then he left. Hmmm.
So that brings us to today. It was just blah. Just chilled and watched this REALLY good show aboot Full House-- emphasis on MK & A. Sigh. I said my goodbyes, but not very well. I kinda left Z. hangin, and I don't know why. OR I do know why and just can't fully decipher it. Either way, it was kinda bitchy. Ah well. So thats pretty much it. No I leave you with a catch phrase, a little love, and a few words
Remember: bye bye and buy bonds. Nite, bye...woah.
To know me is to love me, and you know you love me.
**SHOUT OUT**
Shanna- Sorry I didn't get to go to Wabash with you!!! You looked like you had PLENTY of fun without me though. I <3 my bosom buddy and I miised u this weekend!
Teffie- Can I borrow your sweatshirt? Haha. Looks like you don't exercise hard. Assholes. Hmmm..yay for duct tape cars, my OAB and the hand motion that goes with it, and for me being a greedy bitch. Also, you did not give me some slack and reel me in. REPENT!!! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL.
Zach- I feel like I'm writing a paper when it comes to you. I go around and around my point but can never quite get it. It's like I'm doing everything wrong, but you're still there for me. The scary thing is that I don't know how long you'll be there-- waiting..or whatever it is you're doing. I just hope you keep doing it. I wish I could give you an answer, and I think I could, I'm just scared-- not for myself, but for you. Hurting you is the opposite of what I want to do, but I'm afraid that's what I will do. *I want you to know you're not making this easy* Hmm... all I have to say is watching SAW with you is more fun. And I like yor hair...when did u get cute? Haha. ;) The status is for you...they're all for you.
~*QUOTES*~
I didn't know why
But didn't ask questions
Because it was the first time
In my life
Yeah the first time
In my life
Where I did something right...
~Matchbook Romance: The Greatest Fall of All Time
Brief is life but love is long.
~Tennyson
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you're not getting any.
~Anon.
Just tell me what you want me to be and I'll be that for you.
~?
I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
~When Harry Met Sally
The life I was trying for is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe.
~As Good As It Gets
People have changed so much, and good or bad, the change is so dramatic that I find myself questioning my relationships with them. Were they ever really valid? Did they ever count? Some have turned into people I never thought they'd be. Some have turned confused, vulnerable, and lost. But when I look in the mirror, all I see is the same old me. The same Sarah that was humble and meek and outspoken is still here. That's not where I what I want to be. I want to change. I want to be different. I just don't know how.
Hmm.. so enough of that, on to more fun subject... well at least ones that aren't so thoughtful on my behalf. So this weekend Steph and I went home, and it was good. We got to see the little kittens. 1 word: ADORABLE. There's this one kinda fat one, Tank, that is sooo cute. He's a climber, and he fights the other two kittens to get to the certain teat he likes the most...he's got spunk and tenacity. I LIKE 'IM! Our house was all rearranged which was kinda odd...my dad threw off my groove. Psh-- we'll see how long I let THAT stop me. ;) So Fri. we got home at like 7ish and played with the kittens til 7:30ish then went and saw my mum at work. Then Z came over at like 11. It was kinda boring. We watched Inuyasha..not by choice, though. That was pretty much all of Fri.
Sat Steph and I went to Castleton to shop-- I got some V. cute clothes, but would you expect anything else from me? But alas, I had to resist all temptation to buy something from Hot Topic-- I have mad will power is all I have to say about that. Anyhoo, after like 4 hours of shopping, we FINALLY got to go home. Shopping can get kinda tedious, so it was all good. Then I went home, changed, and went to dinner with Z. V. fun, v. good. After that we watched SAW, and then he left. Hmmm.
So that brings us to today. It was just blah. Just chilled and watched this REALLY good show aboot Full House-- emphasis on MK & A. Sigh. I said my goodbyes, but not very well. I kinda left Z. hangin, and I don't know why. OR I do know why and just can't fully decipher it. Either way, it was kinda bitchy. Ah well. So thats pretty much it. No I leave you with a catch phrase, a little love, and a few words
Remember: bye bye and buy bonds. Nite, bye...woah.
To know me is to love me, and you know you love me.
**SHOUT OUT**
Shanna- Sorry I didn't get to go to Wabash with you!!! You looked like you had PLENTY of fun without me though. I <3 my bosom buddy and I miised u this weekend!
Teffie- Can I borrow your sweatshirt? Haha. Looks like you don't exercise hard. Assholes. Hmmm..yay for duct tape cars, my OAB and the hand motion that goes with it, and for me being a greedy bitch. Also, you did not give me some slack and reel me in. REPENT!!! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL.
Zach- I feel like I'm writing a paper when it comes to you. I go around and around my point but can never quite get it. It's like I'm doing everything wrong, but you're still there for me. The scary thing is that I don't know how long you'll be there-- waiting..or whatever it is you're doing. I just hope you keep doing it. I wish I could give you an answer, and I think I could, I'm just scared-- not for myself, but for you. Hurting you is the opposite of what I want to do, but I'm afraid that's what I will do. *I want you to know you're not making this easy* Hmm... all I have to say is watching SAW with you is more fun. And I like yor hair...when did u get cute? Haha. ;) The status is for you...they're all for you.
~*QUOTES*~
I didn't know why
But didn't ask questions
Because it was the first time
In my life
Yeah the first time
In my life
Where I did something right...
~Matchbook Romance: The Greatest Fall of All Time
Brief is life but love is long.
~Tennyson
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you're not getting any.
~Anon.
Just tell me what you want me to be and I'll be that for you.
~?
I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
~When Harry Met Sally
The life I was trying for is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe.
~As Good As It Gets