My stupid mouth has got me in trouble.....
Ok, well this entry is gonna make me seem a little bi-polar, but whatever-- it works. Ok, so last weekend marked the first nite we were allowed in the frats...which turned out to be both a good and bad thing. So, we'll go with the good, then I'll switch into depression/confusion mode major. So sit back, buckle ure seatbelts, and prepare to laugh-- because readers, last weekend and the nite following it will enevitably seem funny in the long run, because it happened to me.
So Friday was pretty cool.... Emily, Amanda and I got all dressed cute and the like and then we headed over to Lambda. I learned that beer is disgusting, but screwdrivers, on the other hand, are very deliteful. Haha. Emily ended up leaving early.. well like earlier than us...so Amanda and I stayed at Lambda with Greg and Michael. And as much fun as we were having at Lambda, we decided that we wanted to go to Sig to the graffiti party, so Greg and Michael left the party to take us to Sig. Ha...RITE. They took us back to Donner and tried to pass that off as Sig...'cept I totally knew we were going back to the dorms, but oh well..whatever-- It was kinda late, so I went without too much protest. Haha. So they got us to finally go to sleep- yah apparently I talked for 10 mins ab how much Michael liked Amanda (more on that LATER), and revealed my ENTIRE past with guys. Yup, I definately layed it all out there and called Michael a square. Oy.
Needless to say, I woke up on Sat. with a slight headache but didn't get sick or anything, go me. So Amanda and I went out on Sat. to the Watermelon Bust, which was at Lambda again. It wasn't as much fun because it was an outside party...but it had it's higher points. Like Michael was TOTALLY gone when we got there at 9:30ish bc he started drinking at 6...grats to him. Anyrate, after awhile at Lambda we went to Beta for about 10 mins maybe, and then decided we wanted to go to Sig, since we didn't get to go the nite before. Well Michael and this Lee guy weren't having ANY of that, so they AGAIN took us back to Donner (there was a brief pit stop at Crowe...haha), but Michael told me I could go back over with him. So they got Amanda to bed, and we left again. We had only been back at the party for like 10 mins, and Amanda showed up PISSED. Not that I blame her...but yah, I finally got her talked into going to Sig, just me and her..but when she saw that the guys were coming with us, she went back into Lambda. After she came back- turns out she was just in the bathroom- the president of Lambda told us that the party was winding down and the band was done playing and they were closing the house. NOPE. WRONG ANSWER. So we went to Sig, and the guy at the door also told us they were closing. We were the wtf? My sister had JUST gotten in over there and we were TOTALLY fine. WELL..our dear, dear friend Michael told those ppl not to let us in and to tell us to go home. Yah. It was pretty damn gay, and we were pretty damn pissed.
So we went back to Donner and hung out in the lobby for awhile, and then every1 decided it was bed time. So I was gettin ready to go to bed and then saw that Michael was still in the lobby....Well he ended up coming to my room until like 4am...which was ALMOST cool. Then he dropped the bomb: guess what? He likes Amanda! Who saw that one comin? Give ya a hint, it was me. Even when I was drunk I saw it. Then he went on to say that he liked 'innocent' girls, and the fact that ppl have sex meant they had no self-restraint...KNOWING that I had indeed had sex. Yah cool. I wasn't sure whether to be pissed or have my feelings hurt, so I just played it off as like an OMG, I knew you liked Amanda, I'll totally help you out...blah blah blah, when inside I was SCREAMING at the top of my lungs at him that I was the one who liked him, and that generalization was SO far from true. But I was the ever happy-go-lucky friend, and reclaimed my place as the DUFF...somethings never change, huh?
So Sun morning when I woke up, it was with a heartache, not a headache...although I would have preferred the latter of the two. Later that nite I was talking to Michael and he was in his "mood" but only 10 times worse, bc he shouldn't have told me, and I shouldn't have told Amanda...and so on and so forth. So I tried to fix it. I spent like an hr working on the kid to try to get him back to a semi-normal state of mind so he would kind of stop obsessing over the fact he got played...and any progress I may have made was totally killed when he started talking to Amanda who mentioned something to the effect of 'If you don't want to talk to me, I'll just leave you alone...' I spent an hour beating my brains out trying to help him and then it was gone, so I spent the rest of the nite trying to figure out what I did that was wrong, because since I couldn't fix it, there was obviously something wrong with me, so it HAD to inevitably be my fault. After all, I was the one who HAD to be his friend. I told Amanda, so when it came down to it, it really was/is all my fault. Go fucking figure.
So now I'm left with the lingering disappointment in myself and the silent akwardness and that there is b/w myself and Michael...an akwardness he won't notice b/c he'll be too busy trying not to be akward around Amanda.... I want to run to the edge of the earth and sit, and think about what to do. My life is caving in around me and tearing at the seams, and eventually I'll be unable to fix my own problems. The wierd thing is, I'm not too sure if I care. Maybe it'd be better to go anout life in a totally apathetic state. If you don't care you can't get hurt rite? I need something I can't give to myself and I can't find, and I don't know if anyone will be able to help me.....
Oh well... Shout out time:
Molly- Hell yah, I need your magic when you come down. Hell, I just need you...I miss my 3/4 best friend. :( Also, I'm sure there won't be any problems finding you a guy to shack up with. Haha. ;)
Amanda- Wow last weekend was much too much fun. The Crowe bathroom has a bush in it...haha. ;) Good times, good times-- glad I got to be drunk for the first time with you! I lub you! :) Also, v. sorry for what we did when we left you here on Sat...it was crappy, and I'm sorry. Maybe one day you actually will drink again and I won't have to be a loner, then you can go up and see Ben. Haha. I already told Emily she had to...haha. Guess what? My theory was rite! Haha...I knew the day would come...*sigh* Oh well, at least I got to kiss the kid...kinda. ;)
Emily- Mucho love chica. What's up with you always going home though? I miss you! :( Don't forget...we're dressin up as Mary-Kate and Ashley for Halloween. Haha. Rite.... We need to form our club! Only 3 members: you, Greg, and me! Haha.
Greg- You're my hero! Thanks for saving me on Fri nite AND for not causing any drama. Haha, what else could a girl ask for? Haha. I owe ya, so I'll help ya with your 'Mexican' any time. :)
Michael- There is so much inside that I want to say, but I just can't find the words to express how to say it, so it will probably never get said to you- which sucks, but if I could think of anyway of telling you I would do it in a heartbeat. What you said Sat. nite really hurt my feelings, and that's a shitty ass generalization to make. I'm sorry you don't feel like you have any1 you can trust and talk to in person, like face-to-face, but if you opened your eyes you'd see that I'd be the perfect person-- I've never letcha down in the past anyhoo. Sorry your track record with girls here seems shitty rite now, but all willfall into place in due time. Also, thanks for everything you did for us on Sat...looking back I can see what you were trying to do was for the best and you were trying to protect Amanda from being taken advantage of, it was just a little sketchy the way you went about it. Also, what Annalisa did was complete shit, so stop blaming yourself and rehashing it in your mind...it's not worth it in the long run. Just remember that people get played every day, and at least you got to know that she liked you back-even if it was only for a few days...that's more than some people get at all. Anyrate, what goes around comes around and she'll eventually realize what she did and get hers.... I hope your moods improve and you dont think it's akward to be around Amanda.... Yah I think that's it now....
*He got an abnormally long shout out, and the kid doesnt even read this...*
To all else, if you're good to me and you love me, then nothing but love to you. All those who don't...well you know.
This is the end to this book. THere will inevitably be more to come, but for now: FIN.
To know me is to love me, and you know you love me.
**QUOTES**
"When love feels like magic, it's called destiny. When destiny has a sense of humor, it's called Serendipity."
~Serendipity
"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business because we'd be too cynical. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down. Love has the power to break all chains, swin the deepest seas, endure the strongest pain. Love is the glow in the darkest night leading you on until you have sight."
~?
So Friday was pretty cool.... Emily, Amanda and I got all dressed cute and the like and then we headed over to Lambda. I learned that beer is disgusting, but screwdrivers, on the other hand, are very deliteful. Haha. Emily ended up leaving early.. well like earlier than us...so Amanda and I stayed at Lambda with Greg and Michael. And as much fun as we were having at Lambda, we decided that we wanted to go to Sig to the graffiti party, so Greg and Michael left the party to take us to Sig. Ha...RITE. They took us back to Donner and tried to pass that off as Sig...'cept I totally knew we were going back to the dorms, but oh well..whatever-- It was kinda late, so I went without too much protest. Haha. So they got us to finally go to sleep- yah apparently I talked for 10 mins ab how much Michael liked Amanda (more on that LATER), and revealed my ENTIRE past with guys. Yup, I definately layed it all out there and called Michael a square. Oy.
Needless to say, I woke up on Sat. with a slight headache but didn't get sick or anything, go me. So Amanda and I went out on Sat. to the Watermelon Bust, which was at Lambda again. It wasn't as much fun because it was an outside party...but it had it's higher points. Like Michael was TOTALLY gone when we got there at 9:30ish bc he started drinking at 6...grats to him. Anyrate, after awhile at Lambda we went to Beta for about 10 mins maybe, and then decided we wanted to go to Sig, since we didn't get to go the nite before. Well Michael and this Lee guy weren't having ANY of that, so they AGAIN took us back to Donner (there was a brief pit stop at Crowe...haha), but Michael told me I could go back over with him. So they got Amanda to bed, and we left again. We had only been back at the party for like 10 mins, and Amanda showed up PISSED. Not that I blame her...but yah, I finally got her talked into going to Sig, just me and her..but when she saw that the guys were coming with us, she went back into Lambda. After she came back- turns out she was just in the bathroom- the president of Lambda told us that the party was winding down and the band was done playing and they were closing the house. NOPE. WRONG ANSWER. So we went to Sig, and the guy at the door also told us they were closing. We were the wtf? My sister had JUST gotten in over there and we were TOTALLY fine. WELL..our dear, dear friend Michael told those ppl not to let us in and to tell us to go home. Yah. It was pretty damn gay, and we were pretty damn pissed.
So we went back to Donner and hung out in the lobby for awhile, and then every1 decided it was bed time. So I was gettin ready to go to bed and then saw that Michael was still in the lobby....Well he ended up coming to my room until like 4am...which was ALMOST cool. Then he dropped the bomb: guess what? He likes Amanda! Who saw that one comin? Give ya a hint, it was me. Even when I was drunk I saw it. Then he went on to say that he liked 'innocent' girls, and the fact that ppl have sex meant they had no self-restraint...KNOWING that I had indeed had sex. Yah cool. I wasn't sure whether to be pissed or have my feelings hurt, so I just played it off as like an OMG, I knew you liked Amanda, I'll totally help you out...blah blah blah, when inside I was SCREAMING at the top of my lungs at him that I was the one who liked him, and that generalization was SO far from true. But I was the ever happy-go-lucky friend, and reclaimed my place as the DUFF...somethings never change, huh?
So Sun morning when I woke up, it was with a heartache, not a headache...although I would have preferred the latter of the two. Later that nite I was talking to Michael and he was in his "mood" but only 10 times worse, bc he shouldn't have told me, and I shouldn't have told Amanda...and so on and so forth. So I tried to fix it. I spent like an hr working on the kid to try to get him back to a semi-normal state of mind so he would kind of stop obsessing over the fact he got played...and any progress I may have made was totally killed when he started talking to Amanda who mentioned something to the effect of 'If you don't want to talk to me, I'll just leave you alone...' I spent an hour beating my brains out trying to help him and then it was gone, so I spent the rest of the nite trying to figure out what I did that was wrong, because since I couldn't fix it, there was obviously something wrong with me, so it HAD to inevitably be my fault. After all, I was the one who HAD to be his friend. I told Amanda, so when it came down to it, it really was/is all my fault. Go fucking figure.
So now I'm left with the lingering disappointment in myself and the silent akwardness and that there is b/w myself and Michael...an akwardness he won't notice b/c he'll be too busy trying not to be akward around Amanda.... I want to run to the edge of the earth and sit, and think about what to do. My life is caving in around me and tearing at the seams, and eventually I'll be unable to fix my own problems. The wierd thing is, I'm not too sure if I care. Maybe it'd be better to go anout life in a totally apathetic state. If you don't care you can't get hurt rite? I need something I can't give to myself and I can't find, and I don't know if anyone will be able to help me.....
Oh well... Shout out time:
Molly- Hell yah, I need your magic when you come down. Hell, I just need you...I miss my 3/4 best friend. :( Also, I'm sure there won't be any problems finding you a guy to shack up with. Haha. ;)
Amanda- Wow last weekend was much too much fun. The Crowe bathroom has a bush in it...haha. ;) Good times, good times-- glad I got to be drunk for the first time with you! I lub you! :) Also, v. sorry for what we did when we left you here on Sat...it was crappy, and I'm sorry. Maybe one day you actually will drink again and I won't have to be a loner, then you can go up and see Ben. Haha. I already told Emily she had to...haha. Guess what? My theory was rite! Haha...I knew the day would come...*sigh* Oh well, at least I got to kiss the kid...kinda. ;)
Emily- Mucho love chica. What's up with you always going home though? I miss you! :( Don't forget...we're dressin up as Mary-Kate and Ashley for Halloween. Haha. Rite.... We need to form our club! Only 3 members: you, Greg, and me! Haha.
Greg- You're my hero! Thanks for saving me on Fri nite AND for not causing any drama. Haha, what else could a girl ask for? Haha. I owe ya, so I'll help ya with your 'Mexican' any time. :)
Michael- There is so much inside that I want to say, but I just can't find the words to express how to say it, so it will probably never get said to you- which sucks, but if I could think of anyway of telling you I would do it in a heartbeat. What you said Sat. nite really hurt my feelings, and that's a shitty ass generalization to make. I'm sorry you don't feel like you have any1 you can trust and talk to in person, like face-to-face, but if you opened your eyes you'd see that I'd be the perfect person-- I've never letcha down in the past anyhoo. Sorry your track record with girls here seems shitty rite now, but all willfall into place in due time. Also, thanks for everything you did for us on Sat...looking back I can see what you were trying to do was for the best and you were trying to protect Amanda from being taken advantage of, it was just a little sketchy the way you went about it. Also, what Annalisa did was complete shit, so stop blaming yourself and rehashing it in your mind...it's not worth it in the long run. Just remember that people get played every day, and at least you got to know that she liked you back-even if it was only for a few days...that's more than some people get at all. Anyrate, what goes around comes around and she'll eventually realize what she did and get hers.... I hope your moods improve and you dont think it's akward to be around Amanda.... Yah I think that's it now....
*He got an abnormally long shout out, and the kid doesnt even read this...*
To all else, if you're good to me and you love me, then nothing but love to you. All those who don't...well you know.
This is the end to this book. THere will inevitably be more to come, but for now: FIN.
To know me is to love me, and you know you love me.
**QUOTES**
"When love feels like magic, it's called destiny. When destiny has a sense of humor, it's called Serendipity."
~Serendipity
"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business because we'd be too cynical. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down. Love has the power to break all chains, swin the deepest seas, endure the strongest pain. Love is the glow in the darkest night leading you on until you have sight."
~?