ONLY BITCHES BITCH AND I'M NOT A BITCH. Did you get it that time?ricepattieJune 22 2005, 23:08:02 UTC
Let me start with a fact for you, Crystal. Like I said before, I do not, under any circumstance tolerate a man calling me outside my name. And as I told Sean, I wasn't bitching because only bitches bitch. (That's the sixtieth time I've said that.)
Psycho? Yes, I admit that, but it's not like I had never told Sean that. I mean, honestly, why is everyone acting surprised? As for talking it out with him, when he yelled at me and told me to fuck off, I had been talking to him. The one thing that I expect a man to do is not to tell me to fuck off. That's some shit, honestly. I am not going to be with someone who is going to say that to me everytime he can't handle me TALKING to him. I guess what I should have said was, "Sean, sweety, I have no self-respect at all and I LOVE when you tell me to fuck off! I'm sorry that I made you angry, it's all my fault that you can't control your emotions and feel the need to yell at me for no reason. Do you need a beer?" Would that be the masochistic love of which you speak, Crystal?
If he wants attention from single men, now he has it. I honestly don't know why he does. When I'm with someone, I neither need nor seek gratification from anyone else. In my mind, I already have the perfect man. I don't need to waste my time with others. Hence, I wasn't enough for him and I realized that later on in our relationship. I can't be with someone who's so insecure that they NEED to lie to people to feel pretty. It's fun? That has to be the lamest excuse in the book. What's the point in pretending to be single or a swinger? Really, what are you accomplishing in doing so? Why pretend when you have something REAL? Do you understand how I feel?
I didn't love him? I went against my entire family to be with him. I've lost all funding for my education because I wouldn't break up with him. I didn't see my friends for months because I was with him. I left my house and chose to sleep on a couch so that I could spend extra time with him. I would do anything for Sean, but I won't be told to fuck off when I've given up so much for him, for us. I just can't understand his logic. I really don't see why he had such an explosive reaction when we were talking. Am I supposed to be the one who is constantly subservient to him? When he gets angry I simply roll over and accept it with humility? Everytime we've "talked," he blew me off completely. What I thought was important, he made seem petty. "Talking" to Sean is not effective.
I don't think that my ONE thing is so little. To me, such explosive behavior leads to more violent behavior. I don't feel like waiting around to see what else Sean has in store for me when he gets angry. Such a little thing made him blow up and yell into the phone. Why didn't he take the time to figure out ME? Why did he scream at me? Why can't he TALK to the one that he "loved"? Why, Crystal? Why didn't he do those things for me?
Sean and I have different expectations of what goes on in a realtionship. I don't plan on telling my lover to fuck off. Sean, apparently, does. I don't not call someone for an extended period of time. Sean does. I don't suddenly begin to yell when my boyfriend is talking to me. Sean does.
I wasn't the only who gave up, which you so conveniently overlooked. It seems as though I'm not the only one that needs to "face the facts."
On a side note: I find it interesting that you have so much to say about this entry, which is admittedly angry/bitter, but nothing to say on the other one, which focuses more on the good times Sean and I shared. I didn't forget anything that we did nor do I regret anything either.
Re: ONLY BITCHES BITCH AND I'M NOT A BITCH. Did you get it that time?osilent_tearsoJune 23 2005, 03:57:46 UTC
Ok, You were bitching becasue you calling me (whether it be for me to call him or whatnot) and you went off and I didnt even get a word in. All I did was listen because I couldnt talk and then finally you was like ok can you tell him that thanks. That IS bitching about shit. You call someone else to complian about YOUR b/f. If that means your a bitch then so be it because I don't care what you say you deffinitly bitched. My fucking mother could hear you on the phone talking shit about Sean so uhh yeah.
I don't expect you to do that at all. You handle your shit by taking a butcher knife and cutting up something that is not your well, he does it that way. Maybe he was having a bad day. People get mad and say things out of anger. If you truely love someone you wouldnt care.. wait, that came out wrong. If he called you a bitch (which he didnt) then yeah I'd be mad too but you never would have broken up with him that easy if you really loved him. My parents have been together for 25 years and have been through WAY worse then that, but see they LOVE eachother and work thrtough it. Even if takes a few days to work it through it dont matter they never just gave up on eachother.
Yeah, in YOUR mind you think that way. That's fine. Thats you. Not everyone is like you. Sean, and many other people find it amusing to that kind of stuff online. When you're bored it's fun to fuck around. If he didnt think you were enough for him dont you think he would have broken up with YOU? Yeah, but he didn't because he loved you. Truth be told I think you're in love with Ryan. You may not be but thats how I feel, in my opinion. That is not an excuse, to you it may be but not to other people. I don't underdstand how you feel because it's not like he was walking up to people IRL and actually saying that. It was on a page and he wouldn't meet any of those people anyways so why does it bother you so much? Are you that inseccure?
"I've lost all funding for my education because I wouldn't break up with him Didn't you just get all types of scholarships? What did you lose? I mean really. And if you gave up all of that went against them then I doubt you would have broken up with Sean oh so fast and not gave a damn.
Re: ONLY BITCHES BITCH AND I'M NOT A BITCH. Did you get it that time?osilent_tearsoJune 23 2005, 03:58:19 UTC
"I just can't understand his logic I really don't see why he had such an explosive reaction when we were talking" And we don't understand yours. I mean come on now you never gave him a chance to explain. People have a thing called bad days It happenes to us all. Get used to it. If you love someone your NOT ganna just break up with them and not even TRY. I was with someone and he called me a cunt. That is one name I was tought to hate and never let a man call you. I admit, I was pissed off and I wanted to ring his neck but after a while and after we TALKED about it and WORKED THROUGH IT he explained and told me sorry and It still hurt that he said that but the fact that he said sorry after and the fact that I REALLY did LOVE him made be forgive him. You dont understand how much I LOATHE that word. My father called me a cunt one day and him and I got into a fist fight. Yeah, I was hitting my father because he calle dme that so I do know how that feels, but I was in love and tryed to work thing's out. ""Talking" to Sean is not effective." Because you gave up after the first try.
"To me, such explosive behavior leads to more violent behavior" Violent behavior??? Hun, you're the one that said you were taking a BUTCHER KNIFE to HIS clothes and pretending he was standing in them. All he did was say the words fuck off. WORDS thats it. He never hit you or anything. I'd deffinitly have to say your the more Violent one. You're oh so cool with your knives. Honestly, I don't think any sane person would say they were going to cut up there boyfriends stuff and pretend he was wearing them. At the time he was mad about something. Why do you call up his family and yell into the phone about him and talk shit? Why do you give up so fast after ONE try if you love him oh so much? Why, Tyrone? Why did you give up so easy?
Because your not the same people. I thought you loved him for his falws. Apparently that wasn't true because thats one of his flaws. No one is perfect and no offence but I'm sure he can do better for the simple fact that you DID give up so fucking easy. I don't see the logic in THAT. You don't get it. If you love someone you just dont give up. He yelled you yelled names whatever... Try again if you really love them Sean didnt have a choice but to give up. You said it was over and that was that. Not only that but WHY would he even WANT to be with someone who said they are going to cut up his shit and pretend he was in them while he did it? That's insane and if he decided to stay with you afte ryou saying that... I'd fucking pink slip HIM.
The reason why I said so much about this one was because It was the first one that I seen because you told me you updated and the fact that you loved him so much you had to throw in some shit about him living with his mother. If you havent notcied.. so does more then half the population. Still feel the same.
[[had to do two because it wouldnt let me do it in just one]]
Oh, Crystal...ricepattieJune 23 2005, 04:28:40 UTC
I don't really feel like going back and forth like this anymore. (Which you will, more than likely, see as some sort of victory.) The strange thing is that when he called me the other day, I was actually about to apologize for acting so rashly. I told him that I wasn't going to shred his stuff after talking to you, and then he cut me off. My behavior was slightly pyschotic. You talk about how we shold have talked things over, but Sean never talked things over either. (Oh, and I've tried talking to Sean about other things prior to this and he more or less shrugged them off, but that's a whole other issue.) He simply exploded on me for no apparent reason and hung up on me. I think that the both of us were having a bad day, which really sucks. I wish that it hadn't ended on such a bad note since the two of us weren't being ourselves, I suppose. Anyway, I still love him and I hope that he can understand the profound effect that he's had on me. I just wish that I had the proper chance to talk, to perhaps explain what was wrong that day... or what I was thinking, in words, or to hear what was wrong with him. But that seems completely out of the question at this point in time, so I won't waste my time asking for it. And where did the whole loving Ryan thing come from, by the way?
Re: Oh, Crystal...osilent_tearsoJune 23 2005, 04:35:16 UTC
You know what.. I agree with everything you just said. What you just said made sense to me. I think you two should talk and actually talk and not bicker back and forth. I know Sean can cut people off a lot because he does it to me all the time but I've learned to live with it. I think you should both have a civilized conversation.
Sean is sitting next to me and said himself that he wouldnt mind talking to you about it and explaining where he is coming from and listening to your side as well. I think the only problem will be he will cut you off and try to speak up when you say something that triggers something in his head. He does it alot. Try it maybe though?
and about the Ryan thing.. Like I said, that si just MY opinion. I really do I don't have a reaosn why or anything I just feel that way.
Hmm... I didn't expect my name to be mentioned in all of this. But now that I have been brought up, I will say a bit of what I know to be truth.
Tyrone was the first real relationship I'd ever experienced. It happened probably about four years ago, when the both of us had first come out. However, it was short-lived due to a huge mutual misunderstanding and ignorance on my part. Since then, our bond has grown stronger as our friendship grew. I admit that I still, more than ever, want to be in a relationship with him. He and I have both talked about it on several occasions, but nothings ever become of it. In the last four years, he and I have both remained loyal to our respective parteners, whoever they may be. His feelings for me have never re-emerged to the point where they would ever endanger any of the relationships with his boyfriends.
Crystal, I know for a fact that Tyrone's love for me has nothing to do with the deterioration of their relationship. Believe me, if he loved me as much as you're insinuating, then we'd be together again right now. Much to my dismay, that isn't the case.
Anyway, if Sean is indeed reading all of these comments, then please impart this message to him on my behalf. I'm not sure if you've taken notice of the fact that I've had very little to do with the relationship you and Tyrone shared. But let it be known that I made a conscious effort to avoid you both like the plague while you both were together. I realize that he wanted the both of us to get along, and to like each other; you being his boyfriend, and me being one of his best friends... that's only natural. I tried for a little while to appease Tyrone, and did my best to remain friendly with you. I'm not sure if it mattered much to you whether I was in the picture or not, but I just want you to know that I tried. Being the incredibly jealous person that I am, I found it very difficult to witness you two together, which is why I wasn't around the two of you much. I just really felt it necessary to explain this to you in hopes that you might understand why I was always absent from most of the outings that you were involved in. I've always been jealous, I'm owning up to it, and I just want to you understand where I'm coming from.
Anyway, I think I've already revealed enough of myself for one night, so I'm done.
Re: Oh, Crystal...osilent_tearsoJune 23 2005, 06:47:41 UTC
I didn't mean for it to sound like I thought he broke up with him for you. I was just saying in my opinion that he was in loe with YOU. Thats just how I see it.
Sean IS here with me but he is not reading this. He is actually asleep right now. If you ant I will tell him to read it when he gets up. I don't know what was going on with you and him and Tyrone so I can't say anything at all. I was just saying what I felt. if you took it as in I ment he broke up with Sean to be with you thats not it. Sorry if it came out that way.
Oh, alright. I thought you meant it as if I had contributed to their breaking up. But yes, I'd still very much appreciate it if you would relay that message to Sean for me once he wakes up.
Re: Oh, Crystal...osilent_tearsoJune 23 2005, 18:36:26 UTC
Ok, and Sean just read what you had to say. He said that he appreciated how you said what you said and was truthful about it all but that he already knew all of it because Tyrone had told him that a while back.
He also said he had tried as well. Some people just can't and it's understandable. I'm still sorry if you took it as I thoguht he broke up with Sean to be with you thats not what I ment at all. I just think he is in love with you and I do think eventually you two will get back together.
Psycho? Yes, I admit that, but it's not like I had never told Sean that. I mean, honestly, why is everyone acting surprised? As for talking it out with him, when he yelled at me and told me to fuck off, I had been talking to him. The one thing that I expect a man to do is not to tell me to fuck off. That's some shit, honestly. I am not going to be with someone who is going to say that to me everytime he can't handle me TALKING to him. I guess what I should have said was, "Sean, sweety, I have no self-respect at all and I LOVE when you tell me to fuck off! I'm sorry that I made you angry, it's all my fault that you can't control your emotions and feel the need to yell at me for no reason. Do you need a beer?" Would that be the masochistic love of which you speak, Crystal?
If he wants attention from single men, now he has it. I honestly don't know why he does. When I'm with someone, I neither need nor seek gratification from anyone else. In my mind, I already have the perfect man. I don't need to waste my time with others. Hence, I wasn't enough for him and I realized that later on in our relationship. I can't be with someone who's so insecure that they NEED to lie to people to feel pretty. It's fun? That has to be the lamest excuse in the book. What's the point in pretending to be single or a swinger? Really, what are you accomplishing in doing so? Why pretend when you have something REAL? Do you understand how I feel?
I didn't love him? I went against my entire family to be with him. I've lost all funding for my education because I wouldn't break up with him. I didn't see my friends for months because I was with him. I left my house and chose to sleep on a couch so that I could spend extra time with him. I would do anything for Sean, but I won't be told to fuck off when I've given up so much for him, for us. I just can't understand his logic. I really don't see why he had such an explosive reaction when we were talking. Am I supposed to be the one who is constantly subservient to him? When he gets angry I simply roll over and accept it with humility? Everytime we've "talked," he blew me off completely. What I thought was important, he made seem petty. "Talking" to Sean is not effective.
I don't think that my ONE thing is so little. To me, such explosive behavior leads to more violent behavior. I don't feel like waiting around to see what else Sean has in store for me when he gets angry. Such a little thing made him blow up and yell into the phone. Why didn't he take the time to figure out ME? Why did he scream at me? Why can't he TALK to the one that he "loved"? Why, Crystal? Why didn't he do those things for me?
Sean and I have different expectations of what goes on in a realtionship. I don't plan on telling my lover to fuck off. Sean, apparently, does. I don't not call someone for an extended period of time. Sean does. I don't suddenly begin to yell when my boyfriend is talking to me. Sean does.
I wasn't the only who gave up, which you so conveniently overlooked. It seems as though I'm not the only one that needs to "face the facts."
On a side note: I find it interesting that you have so much to say about this entry, which is admittedly angry/bitter, but nothing to say on the other one, which focuses more on the good times Sean and I shared. I didn't forget anything that we did nor do I regret anything either.
Maybe this explains me more as a person.
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I don't expect you to do that at all. You handle your shit by taking a butcher knife and cutting up something that is not your well, he does it that way. Maybe he was having a bad day. People get mad and say things out of anger. If you truely love someone you wouldnt care.. wait, that came out wrong. If he called you a bitch (which he didnt) then yeah I'd be mad too but you never would have broken up with him that easy if you really loved him. My parents have been together for 25 years and have been through WAY worse then that, but see they LOVE eachother and work thrtough it. Even if takes a few days to work it through it dont matter they never just gave up on eachother.
Yeah, in YOUR mind you think that way. That's fine. Thats you. Not everyone is like you. Sean, and many other people find it amusing to that kind of stuff online. When you're bored it's fun to fuck around. If he didnt think you were enough for him dont you think he would have broken up with YOU? Yeah, but he didn't because he loved you. Truth be told I think you're in love with Ryan. You may not be but thats how I feel, in my opinion. That is not an excuse, to you it may be but not to other people. I don't underdstand how you feel because it's not like he was walking up to people IRL and actually saying that. It was on a page and he wouldn't meet any of those people anyways so why does it bother you so much? Are you that inseccure?
"I've lost all funding for my education because I wouldn't break up with him Didn't you just get all types of scholarships? What did you lose? I mean really. And if you gave up all of that went against them then I doubt you would have broken up with Sean oh so fast and not gave a damn.
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"To me, such explosive behavior leads to more violent behavior" Violent behavior??? Hun, you're the one that said you were taking a BUTCHER KNIFE to HIS clothes and pretending he was standing in them. All he did was say the words fuck off. WORDS thats it. He never hit you or anything. I'd deffinitly have to say your the more Violent one. You're oh so cool with your knives. Honestly, I don't think any sane person would say they were going to cut up there boyfriends stuff and pretend he was wearing them. At the time he was mad about something. Why do you call up his family and yell into the phone about him and talk shit? Why do you give up so fast after ONE try if you love him oh so much? Why, Tyrone? Why did you give up so easy?
Because your not the same people. I thought you loved him for his falws. Apparently that wasn't true because thats one of his flaws. No one is perfect and no offence but I'm sure he can do better for the simple fact that you DID give up so fucking easy. I don't see the logic in THAT. You don't get it. If you love someone you just dont give up. He yelled you yelled names whatever... Try again if you really love them
Sean didnt have a choice but to give up. You said it was over and that was that. Not only that but WHY would he even WANT to be with someone who said they are going to cut up his shit and pretend he was in them while he did it? That's insane and if he decided to stay with you afte ryou saying that... I'd fucking pink slip HIM.
The reason why I said so much about this one was because It was the first one that I seen because you told me you updated and the fact that you loved him so much you had to throw in some shit about him living with his mother. If you havent notcied.. so does more then half the population.
Still feel the same.
[[had to do two because it wouldnt let me do it in just one]]
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Sean is sitting next to me and said himself that he wouldnt mind talking to you about it and explaining where he is coming from and listening to your side as well. I think the only problem will be he will cut you off and try to speak up when you say something that triggers something in his head. He does it alot. Try it maybe though?
and about the Ryan thing.. Like I said, that si just MY opinion. I really do I don't have a reaosn why or anything I just feel that way.
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Tyrone was the first real relationship I'd ever experienced. It happened probably about four years ago, when the both of us had first come out. However, it was short-lived due to a huge mutual misunderstanding and ignorance on my part. Since then, our bond has grown stronger as our friendship grew. I admit that I still, more than ever, want to be in a relationship with him. He and I have both talked about it on several occasions, but nothings ever become of it. In the last four years, he and I have both remained loyal to our respective parteners, whoever they may be. His feelings for me have never re-emerged to the point where they would ever endanger any of the relationships with his boyfriends.
Crystal, I know for a fact that Tyrone's love for me has nothing to do with the deterioration of their relationship. Believe me, if he loved me as much as you're insinuating, then we'd be together again right now. Much to my dismay, that isn't the case.
Anyway, if Sean is indeed reading all of these comments, then please impart this message to him on my behalf. I'm not sure if you've taken notice of the fact that I've had very little to do with the relationship you and Tyrone shared. But let it be known that I made a conscious effort to avoid you both like the plague while you both were together. I realize that he wanted the both of us to get along, and to like each other; you being his boyfriend, and me being one of his best friends... that's only natural. I tried for a little while to appease Tyrone, and did my best to remain friendly with you. I'm not sure if it mattered much to you whether I was in the picture or not, but I just want you to know that I tried. Being the incredibly jealous person that I am, I found it very difficult to witness you two together, which is why I wasn't around the two of you much. I just really felt it necessary to explain this to you in hopes that you might understand why I was always absent from most of the outings that you were involved in. I've always been jealous, I'm owning up to it, and I just want to you understand where I'm coming from.
Anyway, I think I've already revealed enough of myself for one night, so I'm done.
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Sean IS here with me but he is not reading this. He is actually asleep right now. If you ant I will tell him to read it when he gets up. I don't know what was going on with you and him and Tyrone so I can't say anything at all. I was just saying what I felt. if you took it as in I ment he broke up with Sean to be with you thats not it. Sorry if it came out that way.
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He also said he had tried as well. Some people just can't and it's understandable. I'm still sorry if you took it as I thoguht he broke up with Sean to be with you thats not what I ment at all. I just think he is in love with you and I do think eventually you two will get back together.
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