When I sleep, that's when I steal away
I don't know, I liked the title.
Right now I'm in Deanna's bedroom while everyone else is watching "I, Robot" in the living room. Yes, it's another New Year's Eve that will be spent alone. I don't feel like being around people, including my very much beloved sister. I'm in an aggravated sort of mood. My mother always insists that something's up or in my ass, which is strange. Wouldn't I be enjoying it? She's really been getting on my nerves... and everyone else's for that matter. This last year in my house is going to drag on forever because of her. I was a little harsh with her this evening due to a combonation of a bunch of things. Normally I'd have felt bad about it, but she's been a bitch for the past... oh, I'd say, 10 years that I just couldn't take it anymore. We're not talking right now. I don't take her calls anymore; there's just no point. Maybe I've been moody for a while and I just didn't realize it. The whole gay bashing thing, my parents, the scholarship, and Sean have all made the beginning of the school year quite stressful. Then again maybe it didn't and maybe those aren't the only reasons. I just don't want people to try and read into this more than they're supposed to although most of the time they don't read in enough. Though Ryan's actually very astute and caught the last ones. Congrats.
I've been sick since, perhaps, October and some people just insist on being jerks for no reason. No reason at all. God, I really don't need this right now. Life is stressful enough as it is without everyone creating even MORE problems because of pettiness. I might have to get surgery and I have to get rid of my blood infection somehow. My body is, as I type this, revolting against me and not killing what it's supposed to. I'm glad to know that, on top of this, I am lucky enough to listen to everyone's shit, to everyone's bitching about their issues. ARG! Is this too forward for some of you to understand? Then again, the people to whom this is directed won't ever even see it. They are, after all, pretty wrapped up in their own existences.
According to my father, I've done nothing worth mentioning within the 17 years that I've been on this planet. Nothing that was important. I am a "dumbass," as he so lovingly put it. I'm not "street smart" and will "get beat up at college." I love quoting people. OF course, my sisters were also included in this lovely bashing of his. Apparently what we've managed to do is of no merit. Some people don't deserve to have children. I know people who would love to have the three of us as children, but then again, nothing's ever really good enough for that man. All he can say is how I didn't get a FULL scholarship. He sits around and bitches about how I still have to pay for room and board along with books. Everyday he asks what scholarships I'm applying for and when I'm going to hear from them. GET OFF MY BACK! This is why people kill themselves, you fucking ingrate! Or, as the really smart ones do, they kill their parents in their sleep, an idea which, I am reluctant to say since it makes me sound like a raving lunatic, has crossed my mind more often than not.
Then people talk with double, hidden meanings and when you catch them in it, they get upset at you and stop talking to you. Mean what you say and say what you mean. I won't get offended. It takes a lot to do that. And don't get upset with me if I point out a flaw in your logic. A glaring flaw. A massively huge whole that rips what you say to shreds and makes you a hypocrit. Come to me with logic and we'll be "A" OK. Don't refuse me a small request, one that I was only too willing to grant you. How soon we forget these things when the tables are turned.
How has this year passed already?!
I'm so beat. I want to not be like this anymore. I don't want to be here.
I have to go now and watch that damn ball drop. Yay for the new fucking new.
Right now I'm in Deanna's bedroom while everyone else is watching "I, Robot" in the living room. Yes, it's another New Year's Eve that will be spent alone. I don't feel like being around people, including my very much beloved sister. I'm in an aggravated sort of mood. My mother always insists that something's up or in my ass, which is strange. Wouldn't I be enjoying it? She's really been getting on my nerves... and everyone else's for that matter. This last year in my house is going to drag on forever because of her. I was a little harsh with her this evening due to a combonation of a bunch of things. Normally I'd have felt bad about it, but she's been a bitch for the past... oh, I'd say, 10 years that I just couldn't take it anymore. We're not talking right now. I don't take her calls anymore; there's just no point. Maybe I've been moody for a while and I just didn't realize it. The whole gay bashing thing, my parents, the scholarship, and Sean have all made the beginning of the school year quite stressful. Then again maybe it didn't and maybe those aren't the only reasons. I just don't want people to try and read into this more than they're supposed to although most of the time they don't read in enough. Though Ryan's actually very astute and caught the last ones. Congrats.
I've been sick since, perhaps, October and some people just insist on being jerks for no reason. No reason at all. God, I really don't need this right now. Life is stressful enough as it is without everyone creating even MORE problems because of pettiness. I might have to get surgery and I have to get rid of my blood infection somehow. My body is, as I type this, revolting against me and not killing what it's supposed to. I'm glad to know that, on top of this, I am lucky enough to listen to everyone's shit, to everyone's bitching about their issues. ARG! Is this too forward for some of you to understand? Then again, the people to whom this is directed won't ever even see it. They are, after all, pretty wrapped up in their own existences.
According to my father, I've done nothing worth mentioning within the 17 years that I've been on this planet. Nothing that was important. I am a "dumbass," as he so lovingly put it. I'm not "street smart" and will "get beat up at college." I love quoting people. OF course, my sisters were also included in this lovely bashing of his. Apparently what we've managed to do is of no merit. Some people don't deserve to have children. I know people who would love to have the three of us as children, but then again, nothing's ever really good enough for that man. All he can say is how I didn't get a FULL scholarship. He sits around and bitches about how I still have to pay for room and board along with books. Everyday he asks what scholarships I'm applying for and when I'm going to hear from them. GET OFF MY BACK! This is why people kill themselves, you fucking ingrate! Or, as the really smart ones do, they kill their parents in their sleep, an idea which, I am reluctant to say since it makes me sound like a raving lunatic, has crossed my mind more often than not.
Then people talk with double, hidden meanings and when you catch them in it, they get upset at you and stop talking to you. Mean what you say and say what you mean. I won't get offended. It takes a lot to do that. And don't get upset with me if I point out a flaw in your logic. A glaring flaw. A massively huge whole that rips what you say to shreds and makes you a hypocrit. Come to me with logic and we'll be "A" OK. Don't refuse me a small request, one that I was only too willing to grant you. How soon we forget these things when the tables are turned.
How has this year passed already?!
I'm so beat. I want to not be like this anymore. I don't want to be here.
I have to go now and watch that damn ball drop. Yay for the new fucking new.