A Letter For My High School Friends
It didn’t seem fair when I thought about it. This feeling had begun like a small blue, cold bubble inside me that grew into this melancholic gray splash of mood. How could life have separated us like this giving us as little time as possible to meet up again after graduating? We had all gone to different universities - with completely different courses that entailed equally separate paths in the future. It was like that proverbial fork in the road that Robert Frost had written about - except ours spiraled into 5 ways. We smiled at each other at the end of that one path that led us there, slowly let go and left without looking back.
I trudged along mine - silently cursing the yellow leaves that lined the way to UST. I resented having to give up a lot of who I was, but I knew it was necessary. It was my own sacrifice after all. The rest of you had the liberty to follow your dreams, or rather what you believed to be your ideal.
When I try to remember you all, I can only see your old high school selves smiling at me - and we’re at school. You are all still dressed in that same checkered orange uniform of ours with white socks and black maryjanes. We’re talking about how Sir Tony’s being a goof again and how much we’re all going to enjoy Prom night for sure - when all of a sudden, just as we turn that last corner to our classroom, you all disappear.
And I am left to wonder as I hurriedly change into my white Nursing uniform -- what kind of people are you now? Who do you consider friends now? Do I still hold the same place I used to have in your hearts? Are you wondering about me the same way?
When I see other barkadas stay as close as ever, I cringe a little, swallow that awful feeling, smile and say “That’s good!”
This is why, whenever I find myself enjoying the company of my college friends - I always feel guilty because I’m not with you all. And what makes me even more frightened - no - terrified - is that the rest of you don’t even think this way anymore.
But then, having to leave you who I had grown up with - must be a part of God’s plan for me, and for us. How else could I have realized just how much you all mean to me - or how every step I take from now on - I owe to each and every one of you?
There will come a time, I am sure - that we can all spend a day together - just talking and laughing about our old selves as we drink some coffee or tea. I can see it now so clearly in my mind.
Grace will entertain us all with her hilarious medical school stories [without ever losing that trademark laugh of hers] and proudly talk of the first time a patient thanked her and called her “Doctor”.
Celine will by then have become a successful businesswoman or counselor or whichever - and she’ll just smile in that cool way of hers and tell us about her latest achievement at work - trying to avoid our asking her about her ‘latest’ boyfriend.
Jackie will come rushing in from the entrance, her heels clacking upon the floor. She’s dressed to kill, as usual, and immediately begins to tell us about how her latest dish has just garnered a medal from a prestigious culinary award-giving body…or not. Then she launches into a juicy story about the latest gossip.
Mica joins in and after that, begins to relate about how her latest musical has just been extended, so NO we have absolutely NO excuse for missing it this time. She’d just finished touring Asia and is poised to become the female lead in a new production of Don Quixote.
Lee-Anne then begins to talk about how her latest short story has been included in a new anthology of Young Filipina writers. Her editor has just informed her that she is now being asked to write a commentary in the country’s leading newspaper about a film she co-directed and things couldn’t be better.
Kacci calls in via videophone from Paris. She’s just finished polishing the models’ walk for her fashion line, and why couldn’t we FLY TO HER WHEN WE’D ALL GOTTEN A DAY OFF? She doesn’t mind the protests of ‘lack of funds’ or ‘lack of time’ and immediately turns the phone to a stunning view of the cat walk. Obviously she’s trying to make us all jealous.
Kaye and her boyfriend show up with Dencio in tow. Kaye begins to ask about everyone’s health and for updates about everyone’s lives - while reaching for a second serving of the fish that Jackie had brought in. Dencio has just finished her last hour of duty and announces that she is going to go off for a break from work to tour the world’s beaches. She’s thinking of new business ventures already.
In the meantime, I sit back, rest my white-stockinged feet against my bag and play a little with my cap. I drown in the hum of all your voices put together - and finally when it’s my turn to speak - all of you just laugh and say “I knew it. Japan it is then? When will you be back?”
I trudged along mine - silently cursing the yellow leaves that lined the way to UST. I resented having to give up a lot of who I was, but I knew it was necessary. It was my own sacrifice after all. The rest of you had the liberty to follow your dreams, or rather what you believed to be your ideal.
When I try to remember you all, I can only see your old high school selves smiling at me - and we’re at school. You are all still dressed in that same checkered orange uniform of ours with white socks and black maryjanes. We’re talking about how Sir Tony’s being a goof again and how much we’re all going to enjoy Prom night for sure - when all of a sudden, just as we turn that last corner to our classroom, you all disappear.
And I am left to wonder as I hurriedly change into my white Nursing uniform -- what kind of people are you now? Who do you consider friends now? Do I still hold the same place I used to have in your hearts? Are you wondering about me the same way?
When I see other barkadas stay as close as ever, I cringe a little, swallow that awful feeling, smile and say “That’s good!”
This is why, whenever I find myself enjoying the company of my college friends - I always feel guilty because I’m not with you all. And what makes me even more frightened - no - terrified - is that the rest of you don’t even think this way anymore.
But then, having to leave you who I had grown up with - must be a part of God’s plan for me, and for us. How else could I have realized just how much you all mean to me - or how every step I take from now on - I owe to each and every one of you?
There will come a time, I am sure - that we can all spend a day together - just talking and laughing about our old selves as we drink some coffee or tea. I can see it now so clearly in my mind.
Grace will entertain us all with her hilarious medical school stories [without ever losing that trademark laugh of hers] and proudly talk of the first time a patient thanked her and called her “Doctor”.
Celine will by then have become a successful businesswoman or counselor or whichever - and she’ll just smile in that cool way of hers and tell us about her latest achievement at work - trying to avoid our asking her about her ‘latest’ boyfriend.
Jackie will come rushing in from the entrance, her heels clacking upon the floor. She’s dressed to kill, as usual, and immediately begins to tell us about how her latest dish has just garnered a medal from a prestigious culinary award-giving body…or not. Then she launches into a juicy story about the latest gossip.
Mica joins in and after that, begins to relate about how her latest musical has just been extended, so NO we have absolutely NO excuse for missing it this time. She’d just finished touring Asia and is poised to become the female lead in a new production of Don Quixote.
Lee-Anne then begins to talk about how her latest short story has been included in a new anthology of Young Filipina writers. Her editor has just informed her that she is now being asked to write a commentary in the country’s leading newspaper about a film she co-directed and things couldn’t be better.
Kacci calls in via videophone from Paris. She’s just finished polishing the models’ walk for her fashion line, and why couldn’t we FLY TO HER WHEN WE’D ALL GOTTEN A DAY OFF? She doesn’t mind the protests of ‘lack of funds’ or ‘lack of time’ and immediately turns the phone to a stunning view of the cat walk. Obviously she’s trying to make us all jealous.
Kaye and her boyfriend show up with Dencio in tow. Kaye begins to ask about everyone’s health and for updates about everyone’s lives - while reaching for a second serving of the fish that Jackie had brought in. Dencio has just finished her last hour of duty and announces that she is going to go off for a break from work to tour the world’s beaches. She’s thinking of new business ventures already.
In the meantime, I sit back, rest my white-stockinged feet against my bag and play a little with my cap. I drown in the hum of all your voices put together - and finally when it’s my turn to speak - all of you just laugh and say “I knew it. Japan it is then? When will you be back?”