why do i feel like i post more than i do
so, playing catch up once again. 4th of july, bill kissed me. in a drunken moment. very drunk. but i wanted it, so i let him kiss me. his girlfriend is out of town so we both kinda feel like shit, but ive thought about it and i dont know her, i wont know her, nor will i ever. i admitted to bill that yes i do have feelings for him but that i dont want to get back together. A i couldnt hurt him again B i am very very happy and enjoying my single life and C im in no position to be tied down oh and for the record of D i also will become way to busy in the fall to be a good girlfriend. so as all signs point to no, so do i. in his mind he sees us together, married with kids. and i might secretly agree but im not ready to admit it or see it or even start that long road quite yet. IF thats the way life takes me. So in the mean time, bill is trying to figure out whether he wants to tell nicole or not- its the right thing but nothing good could come out of telling her. or so he has been told by, his mom and juli. I honestly want him to tell her but i dont want him to automatically run to me when she doesnt take him back. so in the end i hope he doesnt tell her so that he doesnt run to me,. because like i told him im not his fall back girl, .. not because i dont want to be "that girl" but because i dont want to be with him right now.
tonight he said "i think you would be with me if i were single, like if i had been single without the current complications, you would be with me" my response was "no bill.. if i REALLY wanted to be with you right now, the truth is i could be. you would drop nicole for me, if i told you i wanted to be with you" so point proven
but despite this minor drama bump in the road, im very very very very content with my life right now. im so at peace with myself, my friends, with God, with work, my attitude towards life is just in lack of better words, perfect. this is perfect. I am in love with my life, if i wanted to marry someone right now, it would be my life. id fuck it hard too. its just that good.
i bought paiges wedding gift today, i also bought irene's birthday present. so im feeling slightly accomplished. I also got to play mini catch up with jess. this was good too.
<3 im happy
tonight he said "i think you would be with me if i were single, like if i had been single without the current complications, you would be with me" my response was "no bill.. if i REALLY wanted to be with you right now, the truth is i could be. you would drop nicole for me, if i told you i wanted to be with you" so point proven
but despite this minor drama bump in the road, im very very very very content with my life right now. im so at peace with myself, my friends, with God, with work, my attitude towards life is just in lack of better words, perfect. this is perfect. I am in love with my life, if i wanted to marry someone right now, it would be my life. id fuck it hard too. its just that good.
i bought paiges wedding gift today, i also bought irene's birthday present. so im feeling slightly accomplished. I also got to play mini catch up with jess. this was good too.
<3 im happy