(no subject)
reading through my journal while waiting for music to download this evening, i came across an entry from last year about 'digging holes', in the context of constantly repeating the same mistakes over and over. i believe i may have dug another hole ... actually, revisited the same one.
it's very frustrating to know that you can keep making the same mistakes over and over again. i would assume that you would learn from past mistakes, and move on, never to make them again. this is not true. my mistake is the word 'assume'.
maybe it's ingrained in my personality to be a prick, to be .... selfish (?), self-centered....
i grow weary of slipping back to the same mistakes over and over again. and i am not only hurting myself by doing these things, i'm hurting those i care about the most ... my brother, my closest friends ... the list goes on and on.
just when i think my situation is getting better, i do something to cause it to fail.
thought:
do i enjoy being miserable? i have been told by many that i do. 'always prepare for the worst', 'always believe that i will fail' ... don't even bother to try.
i actually do enjoy feeling pleasure, of feeling 'happy'. i do not understand why i do this to myself.
is the glass actually half full?
it's very frustrating to know that you can keep making the same mistakes over and over again. i would assume that you would learn from past mistakes, and move on, never to make them again. this is not true. my mistake is the word 'assume'.
maybe it's ingrained in my personality to be a prick, to be .... selfish (?), self-centered....
i grow weary of slipping back to the same mistakes over and over again. and i am not only hurting myself by doing these things, i'm hurting those i care about the most ... my brother, my closest friends ... the list goes on and on.
just when i think my situation is getting better, i do something to cause it to fail.
thought:
do i enjoy being miserable? i have been told by many that i do. 'always prepare for the worst', 'always believe that i will fail' ... don't even bother to try.
i actually do enjoy feeling pleasure, of feeling 'happy'. i do not understand why i do this to myself.
is the glass actually half full?