I'm so tired, but i can't sleep... stranded on a path that doesn't let me choose...
its been a long day, and the only thing that got me through it was the thought that i was gonna see mike today... and, once again, i thought wrong. it sucks... but what sucked even more is that when i called there.. Ashley was there... i know it wasn't for Mike, but it still sucks... i don't know. Its not like me to be jealous... and i'm not at all jealous of her, it just hurts so much that hes so close and i can't see him. I thought it hurt when Ricky moved away, he was my best friend, and i thought that not bein able to see him was the worst thing ever, but having someone be so close and still not being able to see them, sucks so much more. At least with rick i didn't have ne chance of seein him, Mike's up the street... it hurts so much
I went out to eat today with my sister, mom, and dad. Katies new friend Kerry came too.. shes here from Austrailia.. shes a cool person i'm glad she's here. Even more cool.. she's a hair dresser and a make-up artist so she said she'd do my hair n make-up for the prom. I have no idea if Mike is coming with me. I know he wants to but hes not really giving me a straight answer. :-/ that sux pretty bad too... but i'll get over it. worse comes to worse i'll just bring a friend. don't ask who cuz i have no idea. I just would really like to be able to spend that night with him, he means a lot to me and everyone i've ever talked to about prom has said, "just make sure u spend it with people you like, and people you really give a damn about" well i love mike, and theres no one i'd like to have more than him with me... i don't wanna nag him about it n make him feel obligated to go, cuz its not a big deal if he doesn't REALLY want to even tho he's said he does a million times, but... i don't know...
My cousin Andy is in Iraq... i'm so against this whole war thing... i mean... i support the troops who are there... cuz they're fighting for our country and if we're GONNA have a war we need someone to fight it, but i don't support the cause and i don't support our reasons for being there.. i'm worried about Andy... he got CONNED into goin in the first place.. he was suppose to be released this year.. hes been in for over 25 years... and now, since hes doesn't really know EXACLTY how it works.... hes in Iraq and he can't fight it in any way.. and our family has no way to know how hes doing or if hes ok... i don't know.. maybe i'm just stressin over nothing. i'm sure hes fine, i'm just so irritated that everything is comin out here... and i'm sure everyone readin this is like "shut up riv"... if thats how u feel.. then DON'T READ IT
Thats something else that has pissed me off... OK... PEOPLE WHO READ THESE... IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHATS WRITTEN THEN DON'T READ IT... i can write whatever the hell i want on here... its mine... my place to say what i need to say... and i'm not gonna sensor whats in here just because it upsets you... this is how i feel.. this is what i know... you can't change that so just deal with it
anyway enough of this... i'm goin to pack for florida... tomorrow's my birthday and.. .AGAIN.. i don't know if my plans are still on.... all i really need is to see mike.. and to get away from reality for a while. Florida will be good, but i'm gonna miss mike more than anyone knows...
mer...