Maybe I'm a Grownup Now
Wow. Yesterday I spent such a large portion of the day re-discovering this journal and reminiscing and outright CRINGING over who I was as a young adult. On the one hand, it's pretty cool and fascinating to see how I've evolved and changed and grown since being 17. On the other hand... wow, I hate younger me! I hate how my life revolved around boys (not men, even). I hate how I was so fixated an acceptance and approval and validation from boys. I hate how selfish I was and how totally fucked up my priorities were. But, all of those moments brought me to where I am today, right? Without all of those learning moments, would I be the Erica I am now?
What else? Finances. It's been 17 years, and I still haven't learned to properly manage finances like an adult. It is a HUGE goal for me this year, and I know I AM getting better but, wow. Your girl is on the 20-year plan, apparently.
I'm proud of the mom I've been. There are days I am not proud of the mom choices I make. But, looking back, I AM proud of the mother I am, that part of me, it's a HUGE part of my identity. I am proud of my daughter and the amazing person she is, and I'm not sure how much is me or how God made her, but I'll take it.
It shouldn't be surprising that Hasan and I are no longer together. We were together seven years, engaged for three. We weren't right for each other, ultimately. That was the hardest breakup, because, as usual, I SO wanted it to work, and Lily adores Hasan.
It probably also isn't surprising that I am with someone else and engaged. It almost seems trite to gush about how perfect he is for me since I basically did that over every man I've ever had a serious relationship with. We met playing Final Fantasy XIV. He is Canadian. And he IS perfect for me, but I don't need to gush over it or prove it to myself this time around.
Oh, and there's that. I live in Toronto now. Not Richmond, VA. A whole different country! I have a pretty awesome career in advertising. I have two awesome doggos. Mahkon and Lucy. My fiance has two kids, teen girls (Yikes).
It's funny how life still always has problems, the latest dramas, the angst here and there. It just changes over time. It used to be boy and friend drama, now it's stepkid and bill drama.
Like, I'm in my 30s. and maybe... well, maybe I'm a grown up now?
What else? Finances. It's been 17 years, and I still haven't learned to properly manage finances like an adult. It is a HUGE goal for me this year, and I know I AM getting better but, wow. Your girl is on the 20-year plan, apparently.
I'm proud of the mom I've been. There are days I am not proud of the mom choices I make. But, looking back, I AM proud of the mother I am, that part of me, it's a HUGE part of my identity. I am proud of my daughter and the amazing person she is, and I'm not sure how much is me or how God made her, but I'll take it.
It shouldn't be surprising that Hasan and I are no longer together. We were together seven years, engaged for three. We weren't right for each other, ultimately. That was the hardest breakup, because, as usual, I SO wanted it to work, and Lily adores Hasan.
It probably also isn't surprising that I am with someone else and engaged. It almost seems trite to gush about how perfect he is for me since I basically did that over every man I've ever had a serious relationship with. We met playing Final Fantasy XIV. He is Canadian. And he IS perfect for me, but I don't need to gush over it or prove it to myself this time around.
Oh, and there's that. I live in Toronto now. Not Richmond, VA. A whole different country! I have a pretty awesome career in advertising. I have two awesome doggos. Mahkon and Lucy. My fiance has two kids, teen girls (Yikes).
It's funny how life still always has problems, the latest dramas, the angst here and there. It just changes over time. It used to be boy and friend drama, now it's stepkid and bill drama.
Like, I'm in my 30s. and maybe... well, maybe I'm a grown up now?