(no subject)
i really wish i could artliculate words better to show you want i mean about things. but, im not a great writer so, here goes. i think ever since gina's death i have really tried to think hard about what life means. truly means. not this get up at the same time every day and go to my dead end job corporate bull crap everyday stuff. like the big stuff. what makes my heart truly happy about this life. i have always thought that some of the experiences i have had in life have been unique until i listen to everyone elses i get to wondering. isn't there more hurt out there? more pain? and suffering that is greater than my own? i begin to feel selfish about my pains as if they shouldn't matter because they are not as great as that other person. like there is some sort of standard of pain. or a glorious pain. i wonder why is it that some people just wake up angry everyday of their lives for a reasons they can't describe. i know that is how i feel all the time. i know what things i have not let go of. i have put more band aids on them over the years or thought i had done surgery on that area of my life then someone has to go running their mouth about something and it resurfaces again. this life is too short to be angry and unhappy. but for every 25 days im happy i have those 2 or 3 that just suck and i want to get out of this place and find my happiness find things that make sense and feel good.