Tangles
I need to learn to fight for the things I want. I think if I fought for them harder...maybe theyd turn out differently...maybe theyd stay instead of floating away on the breeze.
Or maybe they wouldnt stay. And they just werent meant to be with me anyways...I just dont know what to think exactly anymore..Im tired of my thoughts bouncing from Pessimism to Optimism..and yet I wouldnt want to stick with just one side of that coin. Forever optimistic, farther heights to fall from...forever pessimistic you never choose to fly...
I dont know anymore, maybe its all the partying sex drugs whatever...my brain isnt producing the right things anymore..Im all outta whack...or maybe Im honestly feeling this way.
I was really attached to Steven...and I really wish it wouldnt have been so easy for him to forget me...it just makes me wonder what it all really was anyways....was it all just meaningless...or was there something building there....and did I pull out the cornerstone...or did he............or was the whole castle made to fall....
and Dan....I couldve been anything he needed in his life right now...same goes for steven...but I was trying too hard to be what I thought they wanted me to be...what I thought they thought they needed if that makes sense....you want me to always be down to party and do crazy shit? Ok...you want me to tell you that Im afraid that if you take too many drugs youre going to end up lost...I can do that too...Im just tired of trying to figure out what it is they want me to say or do or be...because it doesnt get me anywhere...yeah I should just be myself...but myself IS wanting to please them..and be say and do whatever they want me to....so that theyll stay around....
fuck it all to the moon and back I guess Ill just give up and try to live in the moments...but it drops so hard when the moments are over doesnt it?
Or maybe they wouldnt stay. And they just werent meant to be with me anyways...I just dont know what to think exactly anymore..Im tired of my thoughts bouncing from Pessimism to Optimism..and yet I wouldnt want to stick with just one side of that coin. Forever optimistic, farther heights to fall from...forever pessimistic you never choose to fly...
I dont know anymore, maybe its all the partying sex drugs whatever...my brain isnt producing the right things anymore..Im all outta whack...or maybe Im honestly feeling this way.
I was really attached to Steven...and I really wish it wouldnt have been so easy for him to forget me...it just makes me wonder what it all really was anyways....was it all just meaningless...or was there something building there....and did I pull out the cornerstone...or did he............or was the whole castle made to fall....
and Dan....I couldve been anything he needed in his life right now...same goes for steven...but I was trying too hard to be what I thought they wanted me to be...what I thought they thought they needed if that makes sense....you want me to always be down to party and do crazy shit? Ok...you want me to tell you that Im afraid that if you take too many drugs youre going to end up lost...I can do that too...Im just tired of trying to figure out what it is they want me to say or do or be...because it doesnt get me anywhere...yeah I should just be myself...but myself IS wanting to please them..and be say and do whatever they want me to....so that theyll stay around....
fuck it all to the moon and back I guess Ill just give up and try to live in the moments...but it drops so hard when the moments are over doesnt it?