Expandy thy wings, beetle, and fly
Well, I guess it's time to come out of my shell for a bit and look to the future.
I didn't get into grad school.
Again.
And it fucking sucks. Academia is what I want to do with my life, and so far I've got 7 years of college invested in this, so being turned down again hurts. Being turned down by a second-tier school that seemed very encouraging hurts. Being turned down the top-tier universities I was dying to attend hurts for other reasons.
But you know what hurts most? Gentle comments from people that maybe I need to own up to the fact that academia is very competitive and not everyone makes the cut, so I ought to just keep plugging away at my job and write on my own time. To them I say: fuck that, and fuck you.
I'll continue trying, although my high hopes have been tamped down a bit. Probably back to applying to PhDs in the fall, along with some MFA programs. I'll also be looking to pick up some city college classes (teaching) and maybe some journalism and/or editing classes (taking), depending on how things turn out. Teaching is a hard gig these days, and so is writing, but I think that if I work this game from four angles (teaching, tutoring on the side, supplemented by professional writing and editing) I might make a go of it. If nothing else, the setback is opening other doors. Doors I never wanted to open, but now that I'm here I might as well look into them.
I tried to take a journalism class once, with a professor I really admired. I turned up at his office to ask if there was space in his class, and his office was locked, his name tag gone. He had died of a heart attack at 43.
In the meantime, I've got a load of projects. I've got a story I want to revise, a paper I want to revise, I need to look to local schools to see about teaching night classes (I'm working these days, at a good job, and will need night classes), and look to the future. I like my job, and plan to stay in it, but not forever. Literary groundwork comes slow, so if I start now, I might be able to make a go of it later and not fall flat on my face.
I'm playing little music these days, but running, climbing, reading, getting fit and thinking when I can. It's life.
I didn't get into grad school.
Again.
And it fucking sucks. Academia is what I want to do with my life, and so far I've got 7 years of college invested in this, so being turned down again hurts. Being turned down by a second-tier school that seemed very encouraging hurts. Being turned down the top-tier universities I was dying to attend hurts for other reasons.
But you know what hurts most? Gentle comments from people that maybe I need to own up to the fact that academia is very competitive and not everyone makes the cut, so I ought to just keep plugging away at my job and write on my own time. To them I say: fuck that, and fuck you.
I'll continue trying, although my high hopes have been tamped down a bit. Probably back to applying to PhDs in the fall, along with some MFA programs. I'll also be looking to pick up some city college classes (teaching) and maybe some journalism and/or editing classes (taking), depending on how things turn out. Teaching is a hard gig these days, and so is writing, but I think that if I work this game from four angles (teaching, tutoring on the side, supplemented by professional writing and editing) I might make a go of it. If nothing else, the setback is opening other doors. Doors I never wanted to open, but now that I'm here I might as well look into them.
I tried to take a journalism class once, with a professor I really admired. I turned up at his office to ask if there was space in his class, and his office was locked, his name tag gone. He had died of a heart attack at 43.
In the meantime, I've got a load of projects. I've got a story I want to revise, a paper I want to revise, I need to look to local schools to see about teaching night classes (I'm working these days, at a good job, and will need night classes), and look to the future. I like my job, and plan to stay in it, but not forever. Literary groundwork comes slow, so if I start now, I might be able to make a go of it later and not fall flat on my face.
I'm playing little music these days, but running, climbing, reading, getting fit and thinking when I can. It's life.