save ME from what I want
i hate feeling like this.
what i hate even more is that i'm going to dinner tonight with the ladies and i'm gonna make up a story and lie to my friends because i'm a little too embarassed to tell them the truth.
perhaps i'll steer the conversation away from relationships, even though it's so much a part of what we talk about...disecting and analysing everything.
i wish i were more wrapped up in school, like i should be.
i think i've used school as a diversion, all these years, trying to not pay attention to those i-like-you-feelings. maybe it's because the feelings always seemed inappropriate, so it was "good" to not pay attention to them.
anyway, using school as an excuse has worked this far. so here i am, in graduate school. they ask, "have you got a boyfriend yet?"
i reply, "yea, five of them."
i'm okay with the meaningless fun...druken nights and rest, but it's the feeling and shit with which i have a problem. maybe it's circumstance. but i can't keep avoiding it.
god, i wish i didn't have to feel. if i could just be numb, everything would run more efficiently.
what i hate even more is that i'm going to dinner tonight with the ladies and i'm gonna make up a story and lie to my friends because i'm a little too embarassed to tell them the truth.
perhaps i'll steer the conversation away from relationships, even though it's so much a part of what we talk about...disecting and analysing everything.
i wish i were more wrapped up in school, like i should be.
i think i've used school as a diversion, all these years, trying to not pay attention to those i-like-you-feelings. maybe it's because the feelings always seemed inappropriate, so it was "good" to not pay attention to them.
anyway, using school as an excuse has worked this far. so here i am, in graduate school. they ask, "have you got a boyfriend yet?"
i reply, "yea, five of them."
i'm okay with the meaningless fun...druken nights and rest, but it's the feeling and shit with which i have a problem. maybe it's circumstance. but i can't keep avoiding it.
god, i wish i didn't have to feel. if i could just be numb, everything would run more efficiently.