(no subject)
sometimes i hate my mother.
i hate that she followed me here
i hate that we go to the same school
i hate that people call me "sheleigh's daughter"
i hate that she has more friends at WO than i do
i hate that she is always so fucking controlling and then makes it sound like i'm being unreasonable.
i need to fuckin rebel. i moved half way across the fuckin world to do and she has to end up ten minutes away---FUCKING WALKING DISTANCE!
i wish she'd just let me do what i want to do and not constantly guilt me into her plans.
doesn't she see that i don't enjoy it?
i think it's because she loves me and wants me to take part in whatever she's taking part in. and i just want, so desperately, to have a little breathing room.
she's fucking smoothering me.
fuck!
i think she's become less of a grown up as i've grown. i don't like it.
it's easier when the roles are clearly defined.
i was really hoping they'd move to italy...imagine my surprise when they got orders for pearl harbor.
it's not that i don't love her, because i love her so much it hurts me to be mad at her.
but i feel the need to define myself as being distinct from her and i can't do that if she's over every fuckin day!
i suppose i could move. but where?
i guess i could dorm or find a place in town but i really like living here and i love uncle john.
sometimes i wish i had stayed in florida and gone to UF and stuck to the adrienne+rian plan. but, if i hadn't moved here i'd be very unhappy with myself. i don't think i could live with myself if i hadn't been here...i miss her so much. i wish i had her compassion.
even beyond that, what about all the ripples. all the ripples of being here... i wouldn't have met all the family from here. i would go to UHWO, i wouldn't work at CLEAR, i wouldn't have met adrienne or sharla. that would be terrible. i'm glad i know them and i really like the way they've influenced me.
i hate that she followed me here
i hate that we go to the same school
i hate that people call me "sheleigh's daughter"
i hate that she has more friends at WO than i do
i hate that she is always so fucking controlling and then makes it sound like i'm being unreasonable.
i need to fuckin rebel. i moved half way across the fuckin world to do and she has to end up ten minutes away---FUCKING WALKING DISTANCE!
i wish she'd just let me do what i want to do and not constantly guilt me into her plans.
doesn't she see that i don't enjoy it?
i think it's because she loves me and wants me to take part in whatever she's taking part in. and i just want, so desperately, to have a little breathing room.
she's fucking smoothering me.
fuck!
i think she's become less of a grown up as i've grown. i don't like it.
it's easier when the roles are clearly defined.
i was really hoping they'd move to italy...imagine my surprise when they got orders for pearl harbor.
it's not that i don't love her, because i love her so much it hurts me to be mad at her.
but i feel the need to define myself as being distinct from her and i can't do that if she's over every fuckin day!
i suppose i could move. but where?
i guess i could dorm or find a place in town but i really like living here and i love uncle john.
sometimes i wish i had stayed in florida and gone to UF and stuck to the adrienne+rian plan. but, if i hadn't moved here i'd be very unhappy with myself. i don't think i could live with myself if i hadn't been here...i miss her so much. i wish i had her compassion.
even beyond that, what about all the ripples. all the ripples of being here... i wouldn't have met all the family from here. i would go to UHWO, i wouldn't work at CLEAR, i wouldn't have met adrienne or sharla. that would be terrible. i'm glad i know them and i really like the way they've influenced me.