'Two Gates' - due South, Fraser/RayK
I just realized I never actually posted this on Livejournal. I posted it to AO3, but I've neglected my LJ so much that I forgot to post here!
I only managed to finish one fic for the last Trope Bingo, and I started it the day before the last day of amnesty. Posted it on the last day with only a few hours to spare. I had other fics I had intended to finish, but nothing was coming together and I figured when in doubt, due South!
Title: Two Gates
Fandom: due South
Pairing: Fraser/RayK
Rating: G
Read below or at AO3
The flight from Inuvik to Edmonton lasts nearly five hours with two stops en-route, and Ray spends most of that time trying not to think. The first stop is Norman Wells, and the flight is fast enough that they’re barely in the air before they are starting to descend again. He reads the in-flight magazine from front to back, and resolutely does not look out the window as the tundra slips away behind him.
They touch down in Norman Wells only to take off soon after, another hour to Yellowknife. He reads the in-flight magazine a second time, then the emergency information sheet, and they’re landing again. His hands tighten on the armrests as they take off a final time, for the last two hours to Edmonton. He can’t stomach reading the same article (“Ten Great Sun Destinations When You Need to Get Away!”) three times in a row, so instead he tries to read a book over the shoulder of the person next to him. She’s a faster reader than he is, though, and eventually he gives up and just stares at the seat in front of him.
At one point he tries to sleep, but every time he closes his eyes he sees Fraser’s face when Ray climbed on to the plane back in Inuvik, and he has to open them again. He counts sheep for awhile, then counts them backwards, and eventually he begins making a mental list of the things he will need to take care of when he’s back in Chicago. Get the turtle back from Frannie, dust his apartment, visit the precinct and meet whoever the Lieu has chosen to be his new partner. The thought makes his chest hurt, though, and when he pictures his empty mothball-filled apartment he just feels hollow. There’s nothing for him back in Chicago, but what was there for him in Inuvik? A lot of snow, and the prospect of a broken heart and destroyed friendship if he stayed any longer.
Two months out on the ice, sharing everything save for what Ray wanted most. They had eaten together, bathed together, even shared a bedroll on multiple occasions when the temperatures dropped, but Ray could never find the courage to tell Fraser the truth. Sometimes he thought that Fraser felt the same way, could swear that he felt the heat of Fraser’s eyes on him when his back was turned, but before he knew it they were back in Inuvik in an old motel room with two beds. Three feet and a million miles away from each other. Two days later, Ray was booked on the next flight back to Chicago.
The plane lands at Edmonton International Airport a little after 7pm, and Ray stumbles to the nearest coffee shop in the terminal. His flight to Toronto leaves in an hour and a half. Another four hour flight, a three hour layover at Pearson, then the final two hours to O’Hare. It feels like an eternity.
Ray finds himself standing in the middle of the terminal a few minutes later, a cup of coffee clutched in his hand as he watches the Arrivals and Departures screen flicker and change. One hour and twenty minutes left until Air Canada flight 158 departs to Toronto from Gate A14. The time counts down in front of him. One hour nineteen, one hour eighteen. Every minute taking him one step further from Benton Fraser, and Ray thinks he’s going to be sick.
He’s never been particularly afraid of flying, at least not until he had clung to the outside of a plane bound for Canada next to a crazy Mountie. Now he’s more wary, and at the moment the idea of getting on that airplane is making his palms sweat and his heart race. He knows, somewhere deep down, that he can’t blame a newfound fear of flying for what he’s feeling right now. But it’s a lot easier to blame a common phobia than it is to face the real reason he doesn’t want to get on the flight.
One hour sixteen, fifteen. Movement at the top of the board catches his eye. Canadian North flight 522 to Yellowknife is boarding in thirty minutes from Gate A8. It’s not the same plane he just landed on, and there is no flight back to Inuvik departing that evening. But for a moment he pictures it. Walking up to the gate, buying a ticket. Getting on the plane and flying to Yellowknife. There would be another flight from Yellowknife to Inuvik the next morning, he was sure of it. He could spend the night in Yellowknife, be in Inuvik by midday tomorrow. The pressure inside his chest eases at the thought. Stepping off the plane, being greeted by Fraser’s open arms. Staying this time, trying to make a life together. Fraser would hunt down criminals out in the ice, and Ray would. Ray would…
He opens his eyes and he’s back in the terminal, the Departures board flashing the time at him. One hour twelve. The fantasy falls away from him, leaving him cold. What place could he have in Inuvik? What the hell was he supposed to do while Fraser was out being a Mountie, even assuming that Fraser would want him there? But the thought of getting on that flight to Toronto fills him with a bleakness he cannot name. Returning to Inuvik terrifies him, but in those few minutes of imagining it he felt more alive than he had since he boarded that plane five hours ago.
He’s moving before he quite realizes what he’s doing, but not towards either gate. One of the payphones next to the washroom is thankfully empty, and he slips coins into it with hands that only shake a little. He needs advice, and there is one person who, in spite of everything, he can always count on for it.
Stella doesn’t answer the phone, though. It takes Ray a moment to place the voice, and when he figures it out he groans and bangs his head on the wall in front of him.
“Hello? Who is this?” Ray Vecchio sounds irritated, and Ray almost hangs up on him but then he steels his nerves and responds.
“It’s Kowalski.”
The silence on the other end of the line stretches for a few seconds, and Ray fidgets as he waits.
“Kowalski?” Vecchio says at last. “I thought you were on a dogsled somewhere in Canada?”
“I was. Now I’m in Edmonton airport. Is Stella there?” He sounds brusque, he knows, but he can’t bring himself to particularly care. It’s awkward enough talking to Vecchio knowing that he was Fraser’s first partner, and it’s worse now that he’s apparently dating Ray’s ex as well.
“She’s out. What do you mean you’re in Edmonton?” Vecchio sounds confused now, though Ray can’t figure out why.
“We got into Inuvik a few days ago, and I’m on my way back to Chicago. Are you sure Stella isn’t there?” Ray needs to talk to her. She’s always been good at setting his head back on straight, and telling him what he needs to hear even when he doesn’t want it. She’ll know what he should do.
“So you left.” Vecchio’s voice goes flat. Ray hasn’t known him for long, but he could swear there’s an edge to Vecchio’s voice, an ‘I’m going to murder you, you moron’ edge. Ray is faintly impressed by how much Vecchio can pack into three words. He wonders if it’s a skill picked up from a year undercover in the mob, or if it’s always been a talent of Vecchio’s.
“Yeah, so what? Why do you care?” He probably shouldn’t antagonize Vecchio, but he can’t help himself. After all, what business is it of his?
He must have spoken that last part aloud, apparently he’s more tired than he realized. “It’s my business because Fraser’s my business.” The ‘you moron’ is barely subtext now. “I don’t get you, Kowalski. You had everything, why would you leave?”
Now Ray is the one who’s confused. “What the hell do you mean, I had everything?”
“You had Fraser. You had Canada. You spent two months together in a tent and now, what, you’re just going to take off back to Chicago alone? You’re an idiot, Kowalski.” So they’ve moved past even subtext now. That’s good, because now Ray is pissed and he doesn’t want to hold back.
“I never had Fraser, Vecchio. I don’t know what you think happened up there, but there’s nothing to tell. We saw a bunch of snow, were really fucking cold all the time, and then we got back to Inuvik and Fraser booked me on the first flight back to Chicago. He doesn’t want me there, and there’s nothing I can offer him anyway.”
“God you’re such a drama queen, Kowalski. I don’t know what Fraser sees in you but he obviously sees something. Get your ass back up to Inuvik and talk to him. Trust me.” The last part comes out softer, and something in Ray cracks.
“How can you be sure?” He needs to know, he can’t handle the thought of landing in Inuvik only to have Fraser look at him in confusion and ask what he’s doing there.
Vecchio is silent for a moment, and when he speaks again he’s lost the mob boss tone. “I spent barely a day with the two of you together, and even I could see the way that Fraser looked at you. The last time Fraser loved someone, it consumed him. Victoria was an obsession, but she wasn’t real. She was a ghost to him, a memory that he held on to for years until she nearly destroyed him. That wasn’t love. I remember the look in his eyes when he would talk of her, all fire and pain and sadness. When he looks at you, it’s like someone turned on a light inside of him. Trust me, Kowalski, talk to him.”
Ray realizes that he’s gripping the phone so tightly that his knuckles are white, and he loosens his fingers. He didn’t know what he had been expecting from this conversation, but it definitely wasn’t that. “You’re not so bad after all, Vecchio.” He doesn’t know what else to say.
Vecchio snorts. “Yeah, well, I’m reserving judgement on you until I hear that you got on the next flight back to Inuvik. Benny deserves some happiness, Kowalski. Don’t hurt him or I’ll fly up there and kick your ass.” The call ends abruptly, leaving Ray listening to a dial tone. He stares at the keypad in front of him for a few seconds, then adds some more coins and dials a different number. The phone rings for what feels like forever, then clicks over to the answering machine. In a way, Ray is relieved. This will be easier to say without interruptions.
“Frase, it’s me. I’ve got some things I need to say, and your answering machine is a captive audience so I’m just gonna get this out. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe Vecchio’s wrong, and I’m shooting our friendship in the foot and you’re never going to talk to me again, but I don’t think so. We spent two months in that tent, Fraser, and sometimes I thought… but I was too much of a coward to do anything, too scared of losing you to tell the truth. I tried to run away back to Chicago, and here I am in Edmonton airport staring at this stupid Departures board. There’s a flight to Toronto in an hour, and I’m supposed to be on it. But there’s a flight to Yellowknife in twenty minutes, and I think that’s the flight I’m really supposed to be on.
I don’t know, Fraser. Fuck. I miss you already and it’s only been five hours. Am I crazy? What do I have to offer you, what the hell am I supposed to do with myself up there? Do you even want me there? Vecchio says you do, he told me that I’m being an idiot and that he’d kill me if I hurt you. Your best friend is kind of terrifying, you know that right? Was he always like that? Anyway. I hated Vecchio at first, hated that he was your best friend because then who was I? But I get it now. He’s your best friend, and I’m…” Ray falters for a moment. “I’m whatever you will have. If you want it. I know I do. I love you, Fraser, and I don’t want to be your best friend. Vecchio can have that title. I want more.”
He stares up at the Departures board. The flight to Yellowknife is boarding in 15 minutes.
“I’ll be on whatever the first flight is tomorrow from Yellowknife to Inuvik. If I’m right, if this is what you want, then I’ll see you at the airport. If I’m wrong, if you’re not there… well, then, I guess I’ll turn around and get back on that plane. I hope you’re there.”
He hangs up and walks to Gate A8 before he can change his mind. The woman at the counter gives him a strange look when he asks to buy one ticket to Yellowknife and another on to Inuvik the next day. He can’t really blame her, considering that the flight is boarding in a few minutes and Ray has no luggage other than the duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He’d managed to shave and have a couple of hot showers when they got back to Inuvik, but his hair is still longer than normal and he knows that he looks rough. But she sells him a ticket, and books him on a flight to Inuvik first thing the next morning.
Ray has a few minutes left before boarding, so he grabs a bag of chips and a murder mystery from the small convenience shop next to the gate. He feels lighter now than he has in days, but he still doesn’t want to spend the next few flights re-reading that damned in-flight magazine.
The flight lands in Yellowknife a little after ten, and Ray checks into the closest hotel to the airport. It’s a cheap motel with old stained covers, but he’s too exhausted by that time to care. He’s starving, too, but shitty cheap motels aren’t known for their room service so he buys a couple of chocolate bars from the vending machine down the hall and scarfs them down before passing out. His sleep is solid and dreamless, and when he wakes up his mind is clear and refreshed. He’s still nervous, unsure of what he will find when he gets off the plane in Inuvik, but Vecchio’s words echo inside his head and calm his nerves.
Yellowknife to Norman Wells, Norman Wells to Inuvik. One of the stewardesses on the flight is the same as the day before, and she raises an eyebrow when she sees him but doesn’t say anything. He’s grateful. He doesn’t want to explain himself, and the closer he gets to Inuvik the more jittery he becomes.
When the door finally opens, he takes a deep breath and walks down the stairs onto the runway. He closes his eyes for just a moment when he reaches the bottom, counts to three, then turns towards the terminal and opens them.
Fraser smiles at him, and Ray is home.
I only managed to finish one fic for the last Trope Bingo, and I started it the day before the last day of amnesty. Posted it on the last day with only a few hours to spare. I had other fics I had intended to finish, but nothing was coming together and I figured when in doubt, due South!
Title: Two Gates
Fandom: due South
Pairing: Fraser/RayK
Rating: G
Read below or at AO3
The flight from Inuvik to Edmonton lasts nearly five hours with two stops en-route, and Ray spends most of that time trying not to think. The first stop is Norman Wells, and the flight is fast enough that they’re barely in the air before they are starting to descend again. He reads the in-flight magazine from front to back, and resolutely does not look out the window as the tundra slips away behind him.
They touch down in Norman Wells only to take off soon after, another hour to Yellowknife. He reads the in-flight magazine a second time, then the emergency information sheet, and they’re landing again. His hands tighten on the armrests as they take off a final time, for the last two hours to Edmonton. He can’t stomach reading the same article (“Ten Great Sun Destinations When You Need to Get Away!”) three times in a row, so instead he tries to read a book over the shoulder of the person next to him. She’s a faster reader than he is, though, and eventually he gives up and just stares at the seat in front of him.
At one point he tries to sleep, but every time he closes his eyes he sees Fraser’s face when Ray climbed on to the plane back in Inuvik, and he has to open them again. He counts sheep for awhile, then counts them backwards, and eventually he begins making a mental list of the things he will need to take care of when he’s back in Chicago. Get the turtle back from Frannie, dust his apartment, visit the precinct and meet whoever the Lieu has chosen to be his new partner. The thought makes his chest hurt, though, and when he pictures his empty mothball-filled apartment he just feels hollow. There’s nothing for him back in Chicago, but what was there for him in Inuvik? A lot of snow, and the prospect of a broken heart and destroyed friendship if he stayed any longer.
Two months out on the ice, sharing everything save for what Ray wanted most. They had eaten together, bathed together, even shared a bedroll on multiple occasions when the temperatures dropped, but Ray could never find the courage to tell Fraser the truth. Sometimes he thought that Fraser felt the same way, could swear that he felt the heat of Fraser’s eyes on him when his back was turned, but before he knew it they were back in Inuvik in an old motel room with two beds. Three feet and a million miles away from each other. Two days later, Ray was booked on the next flight back to Chicago.
The plane lands at Edmonton International Airport a little after 7pm, and Ray stumbles to the nearest coffee shop in the terminal. His flight to Toronto leaves in an hour and a half. Another four hour flight, a three hour layover at Pearson, then the final two hours to O’Hare. It feels like an eternity.
Ray finds himself standing in the middle of the terminal a few minutes later, a cup of coffee clutched in his hand as he watches the Arrivals and Departures screen flicker and change. One hour and twenty minutes left until Air Canada flight 158 departs to Toronto from Gate A14. The time counts down in front of him. One hour nineteen, one hour eighteen. Every minute taking him one step further from Benton Fraser, and Ray thinks he’s going to be sick.
He’s never been particularly afraid of flying, at least not until he had clung to the outside of a plane bound for Canada next to a crazy Mountie. Now he’s more wary, and at the moment the idea of getting on that airplane is making his palms sweat and his heart race. He knows, somewhere deep down, that he can’t blame a newfound fear of flying for what he’s feeling right now. But it’s a lot easier to blame a common phobia than it is to face the real reason he doesn’t want to get on the flight.
One hour sixteen, fifteen. Movement at the top of the board catches his eye. Canadian North flight 522 to Yellowknife is boarding in thirty minutes from Gate A8. It’s not the same plane he just landed on, and there is no flight back to Inuvik departing that evening. But for a moment he pictures it. Walking up to the gate, buying a ticket. Getting on the plane and flying to Yellowknife. There would be another flight from Yellowknife to Inuvik the next morning, he was sure of it. He could spend the night in Yellowknife, be in Inuvik by midday tomorrow. The pressure inside his chest eases at the thought. Stepping off the plane, being greeted by Fraser’s open arms. Staying this time, trying to make a life together. Fraser would hunt down criminals out in the ice, and Ray would. Ray would…
He opens his eyes and he’s back in the terminal, the Departures board flashing the time at him. One hour twelve. The fantasy falls away from him, leaving him cold. What place could he have in Inuvik? What the hell was he supposed to do while Fraser was out being a Mountie, even assuming that Fraser would want him there? But the thought of getting on that flight to Toronto fills him with a bleakness he cannot name. Returning to Inuvik terrifies him, but in those few minutes of imagining it he felt more alive than he had since he boarded that plane five hours ago.
He’s moving before he quite realizes what he’s doing, but not towards either gate. One of the payphones next to the washroom is thankfully empty, and he slips coins into it with hands that only shake a little. He needs advice, and there is one person who, in spite of everything, he can always count on for it.
Stella doesn’t answer the phone, though. It takes Ray a moment to place the voice, and when he figures it out he groans and bangs his head on the wall in front of him.
“Hello? Who is this?” Ray Vecchio sounds irritated, and Ray almost hangs up on him but then he steels his nerves and responds.
“It’s Kowalski.”
The silence on the other end of the line stretches for a few seconds, and Ray fidgets as he waits.
“Kowalski?” Vecchio says at last. “I thought you were on a dogsled somewhere in Canada?”
“I was. Now I’m in Edmonton airport. Is Stella there?” He sounds brusque, he knows, but he can’t bring himself to particularly care. It’s awkward enough talking to Vecchio knowing that he was Fraser’s first partner, and it’s worse now that he’s apparently dating Ray’s ex as well.
“She’s out. What do you mean you’re in Edmonton?” Vecchio sounds confused now, though Ray can’t figure out why.
“We got into Inuvik a few days ago, and I’m on my way back to Chicago. Are you sure Stella isn’t there?” Ray needs to talk to her. She’s always been good at setting his head back on straight, and telling him what he needs to hear even when he doesn’t want it. She’ll know what he should do.
“So you left.” Vecchio’s voice goes flat. Ray hasn’t known him for long, but he could swear there’s an edge to Vecchio’s voice, an ‘I’m going to murder you, you moron’ edge. Ray is faintly impressed by how much Vecchio can pack into three words. He wonders if it’s a skill picked up from a year undercover in the mob, or if it’s always been a talent of Vecchio’s.
“Yeah, so what? Why do you care?” He probably shouldn’t antagonize Vecchio, but he can’t help himself. After all, what business is it of his?
He must have spoken that last part aloud, apparently he’s more tired than he realized. “It’s my business because Fraser’s my business.” The ‘you moron’ is barely subtext now. “I don’t get you, Kowalski. You had everything, why would you leave?”
Now Ray is the one who’s confused. “What the hell do you mean, I had everything?”
“You had Fraser. You had Canada. You spent two months together in a tent and now, what, you’re just going to take off back to Chicago alone? You’re an idiot, Kowalski.” So they’ve moved past even subtext now. That’s good, because now Ray is pissed and he doesn’t want to hold back.
“I never had Fraser, Vecchio. I don’t know what you think happened up there, but there’s nothing to tell. We saw a bunch of snow, were really fucking cold all the time, and then we got back to Inuvik and Fraser booked me on the first flight back to Chicago. He doesn’t want me there, and there’s nothing I can offer him anyway.”
“God you’re such a drama queen, Kowalski. I don’t know what Fraser sees in you but he obviously sees something. Get your ass back up to Inuvik and talk to him. Trust me.” The last part comes out softer, and something in Ray cracks.
“How can you be sure?” He needs to know, he can’t handle the thought of landing in Inuvik only to have Fraser look at him in confusion and ask what he’s doing there.
Vecchio is silent for a moment, and when he speaks again he’s lost the mob boss tone. “I spent barely a day with the two of you together, and even I could see the way that Fraser looked at you. The last time Fraser loved someone, it consumed him. Victoria was an obsession, but she wasn’t real. She was a ghost to him, a memory that he held on to for years until she nearly destroyed him. That wasn’t love. I remember the look in his eyes when he would talk of her, all fire and pain and sadness. When he looks at you, it’s like someone turned on a light inside of him. Trust me, Kowalski, talk to him.”
Ray realizes that he’s gripping the phone so tightly that his knuckles are white, and he loosens his fingers. He didn’t know what he had been expecting from this conversation, but it definitely wasn’t that. “You’re not so bad after all, Vecchio.” He doesn’t know what else to say.
Vecchio snorts. “Yeah, well, I’m reserving judgement on you until I hear that you got on the next flight back to Inuvik. Benny deserves some happiness, Kowalski. Don’t hurt him or I’ll fly up there and kick your ass.” The call ends abruptly, leaving Ray listening to a dial tone. He stares at the keypad in front of him for a few seconds, then adds some more coins and dials a different number. The phone rings for what feels like forever, then clicks over to the answering machine. In a way, Ray is relieved. This will be easier to say without interruptions.
“Frase, it’s me. I’ve got some things I need to say, and your answering machine is a captive audience so I’m just gonna get this out. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe Vecchio’s wrong, and I’m shooting our friendship in the foot and you’re never going to talk to me again, but I don’t think so. We spent two months in that tent, Fraser, and sometimes I thought… but I was too much of a coward to do anything, too scared of losing you to tell the truth. I tried to run away back to Chicago, and here I am in Edmonton airport staring at this stupid Departures board. There’s a flight to Toronto in an hour, and I’m supposed to be on it. But there’s a flight to Yellowknife in twenty minutes, and I think that’s the flight I’m really supposed to be on.
I don’t know, Fraser. Fuck. I miss you already and it’s only been five hours. Am I crazy? What do I have to offer you, what the hell am I supposed to do with myself up there? Do you even want me there? Vecchio says you do, he told me that I’m being an idiot and that he’d kill me if I hurt you. Your best friend is kind of terrifying, you know that right? Was he always like that? Anyway. I hated Vecchio at first, hated that he was your best friend because then who was I? But I get it now. He’s your best friend, and I’m…” Ray falters for a moment. “I’m whatever you will have. If you want it. I know I do. I love you, Fraser, and I don’t want to be your best friend. Vecchio can have that title. I want more.”
He stares up at the Departures board. The flight to Yellowknife is boarding in 15 minutes.
“I’ll be on whatever the first flight is tomorrow from Yellowknife to Inuvik. If I’m right, if this is what you want, then I’ll see you at the airport. If I’m wrong, if you’re not there… well, then, I guess I’ll turn around and get back on that plane. I hope you’re there.”
He hangs up and walks to Gate A8 before he can change his mind. The woman at the counter gives him a strange look when he asks to buy one ticket to Yellowknife and another on to Inuvik the next day. He can’t really blame her, considering that the flight is boarding in a few minutes and Ray has no luggage other than the duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He’d managed to shave and have a couple of hot showers when they got back to Inuvik, but his hair is still longer than normal and he knows that he looks rough. But she sells him a ticket, and books him on a flight to Inuvik first thing the next morning.
Ray has a few minutes left before boarding, so he grabs a bag of chips and a murder mystery from the small convenience shop next to the gate. He feels lighter now than he has in days, but he still doesn’t want to spend the next few flights re-reading that damned in-flight magazine.
The flight lands in Yellowknife a little after ten, and Ray checks into the closest hotel to the airport. It’s a cheap motel with old stained covers, but he’s too exhausted by that time to care. He’s starving, too, but shitty cheap motels aren’t known for their room service so he buys a couple of chocolate bars from the vending machine down the hall and scarfs them down before passing out. His sleep is solid and dreamless, and when he wakes up his mind is clear and refreshed. He’s still nervous, unsure of what he will find when he gets off the plane in Inuvik, but Vecchio’s words echo inside his head and calm his nerves.
Yellowknife to Norman Wells, Norman Wells to Inuvik. One of the stewardesses on the flight is the same as the day before, and she raises an eyebrow when she sees him but doesn’t say anything. He’s grateful. He doesn’t want to explain himself, and the closer he gets to Inuvik the more jittery he becomes.
When the door finally opens, he takes a deep breath and walks down the stairs onto the runway. He closes his eyes for just a moment when he reaches the bottom, counts to three, then turns towards the terminal and opens them.
Fraser smiles at him, and Ray is home.