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Happy Birthday _wwsd_
Firefly
Time for some thrilling heroics.
Jayne, Train Job
Zoe: Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.
Train Job
Jayne: Can't be a statue of me. No reason for it. Flies in the face of every kind of sense.
Mal: Won't argue with that.
Jaynestown
Simon: You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I reattached a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Kaylee: Hamsters is nice.
Simon: To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing.
Jaynestown
Mal: Ship like this, be with ya 'til the day you die.
Zoe: 'Cause it's a deathtrap.
Out of Gas
Zoe: Planet's coming up a mite fast.
Wash: That's just cause, I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all.
Mal: Well, that happens, let me know.
Shindig
"Dear Diary, Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy." "Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
Jayne reading Simon's diary, Safe
Shepherd: Some orders allow Shepherds to marry, but I follow a narrower path.
Jayne: But I mean, you still got the urge. They don't cut it off or nothing.
Shepherd: No, I'm more or less intact. I just direct my energy elsewhere.
Jayne: You mean like masturbating?
Shepherd: I hope you're not thinking of taking Orders yourself.
Objects in Space
Stargate: SG1
Jack: Is everyone clear on that, Daniel?
Daniel: What?
Jack: Good.
Rules of Engagement
I don't have a sister Jack, but if I did I wouldn't let you near her.
Daniel, Holiday
Maybourne, you are an idiot, every day of the week, why couldn't you have just taken one day off?!
Sam, Foothold
Daniel: Jack?
Jack: Daniel?
Daniel: Are you you?
Jack: yeah, you?
Daniel: What?
Jack: Never mind.
Spirits
Daniel: Didn't you think it was strange when you got through security with a loaded gun?
Jack: A little.
Daniel: You never were that bright.
Jack: No.
Absolute Power
Well then . . . to hell with us!
Jack, Jolinar's Memories
Hammond: It's not our world. Is it really any of our concern?
Teal'c: The destruction of the hammer device to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible.
O'Neill: General, I gave the order.
Daniel: And i fired the staff at the machine.
Sam: And I... was there.
Thor's Chariot
Jack: Or?
Sam: I can't think of an or at the moment, sir.
Daniel: no or?
Jack: There's an or.
Daniel: There's an or?
Sam: Sir, you can't just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.
Jack: Captain, where there's a will there's an or... way
1969
Daniel: Well maybe you could try coming up with something better than inappropriate sarcasm.
Jack: You want sarcasm? Nice to meet you.
One Small Step
Jack: So what's your impression of Alar?
Teal'c: He is concealing something.
Jack: Like what?
Teal'c: I am unsure, he is concealing it.
Demons
BtVS
Willow: Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life.
Buffy: Good for you.
Willow: Well, I didn't choose yet.
Inca Mummy Girl
Willow (on coffee): It's the non-relationship drink of choice. It's not a date, it's a caffeinated beverage. Okay, sure, it's hot and bitter like a relationship that way, but...
Reptile Boy
Willow: Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of.
Cordelia: That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?
Halloween
Xander: Aren't you supposed to be drinking tea, anyway?
Giles: Tea is soothing, I wish to be tense.
Xander: Okay, but you're destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype here.
Graduation Day
Willow: He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy.
Oz: You too, huh?
Graduation Day
Giles: There is a certain dramatic irony attached to all this. A synchronicity that borders on predestination, one might say.
Buffy: Fire bad. Tree pretty.
Graduation Day
Oz: Guys. Take a moment to deal with all this. We survived.
Buffy: It was a hell of a battle.
Oz: Not the battle. High school.
Graduation Day
Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.
Enemies
Jack: What are you, retarded?
Xander: No. No, I had to take that test when I was seven. A little slow in some stuff, mostly math and spatial relations, but certainly not challenged or anything.
The Zeppo
Forrest: How are you going to learn anything if you keep doing schoolwork?
The Initiative
Buffy: There's no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.
Willow: I think I'm gonna barf.
Buffy: Except that.
Fear, Itself
Willow: Goody! Research party!
Xander: Will, you need a life in the worst way.
What's My Line
Giles: Why would someone want to hurt Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
The Witch
The West Wing
Sam: I really gotta go.
Laurie: 'Cause POTUS was in a bicycle accident?
Sam: Yup.
Laurie: Tell your friend, POTUS, he's got a
funny name. And he should learn how to ride a bicycle.
Sam: I would, but he's not my friend, he's my boss; and it's not his name, it's his title.
Laurie: POTUS?
Sam: President of the United States.
Pilot
Secret Service Agent: It's a nice morning, Mr. McGarry.
Leo: We'll take care of that in a hurry. Won't we, Mike?
SSA: Yes, sir.
Pilot
Sam: About a week ago, I accidentally slept with a
prostitute.
Toby: Really?
Sam: Yes.
Toby: You accidentally slept with a prostitute?
Sam: Call girl.
Toby: Accidentally?
Sam: Yes.
Toby: I don't understand. Did you trip over something?
Sam: I did not know she was a call girl.
Toby: There wasn't a red flag when she charged you money in exchange for sex?
Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc
Bartlet: Why are you smiling?
Toby: Happiness is my default position.
Dead Irish Writers
Toby: You think the United States is under attack from 1200 Cubans in rowboats?
Sam: I'm not saying I don't like our chances.
Toby: It's mind-boggling to me we ever won an election.
Pilot
Leo: With everything that's going on, I don't think we need to be marriage counsellors too.
Toby: Well, yeah, because you and I would be so good at it.
Manchester
Doug: It's a simple equation. Bartlet rules America; America rocks; therefore Bartlet rocks.
Sam: 'America rocks'?
Toby: 'Bartlet rocks'?
Doug: Yes.
Josh: He really... doesn't... that much.
Manchester II
Bartlet: Josh!
Josh: Yes sir.
Bartlet: A ballerina?
Josh: Yeah, I... I didn't know... what it was at the time... I... I liked the word.
Bartlet: We'll go with that for now.
Ways and Means
Will: We're having trouble with the Democrats.
CJ: Wow, along with the Republicans. That's kind of everyone.
Jefferson Lives
Toby: In a triumph of the middling, a nod to mediocrity, and with gorge rising, it gives me great nausea to announce Robert Russell - Bingo Bob, himself - as your new Vice President.
Will: This lapdog of the mining interests is as dull as he is unremarkable...
Toby: ...as lackluster as he is soporific. This reversion to the mean...
Will: ...this rebuke to the exemplary...
Toby: ...gives hope to the millions unfavored by the exceptional... Bob Russell: not the worst, not the best, just what we're stuck with.
Han
Reporter: Mr. Bailey, we're all sitting here pretending this is a regular press conference and you're very engaging up there, but your candidate died, so why isn't this all a little preposterous?
Will: Chuck Webb is a seven-term Congressman who, as chairman of not one but two Commerce subcommittees, has taken money from companies he regulates. He's on the board of the NRA and once challenged another Congressman to a fist fight on the floor, over an amendment to make stalkers submit to background checks before buying AR-15s, AK-57s, Street Sweepers, Mac-10s, Mac-11s. He's joined protests designed to frighten pregnant women.
Reporter: What's your point?
Will: There are worse things in the world than no longer being alive.
Game On
Firefly
Time for some thrilling heroics.
Jayne, Train Job
Zoe: Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.
Train Job
Jayne: Can't be a statue of me. No reason for it. Flies in the face of every kind of sense.
Mal: Won't argue with that.
Jaynestown
Simon: You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I reattached a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Kaylee: Hamsters is nice.
Simon: To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing.
Jaynestown
Mal: Ship like this, be with ya 'til the day you die.
Zoe: 'Cause it's a deathtrap.
Out of Gas
Zoe: Planet's coming up a mite fast.
Wash: That's just cause, I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all.
Mal: Well, that happens, let me know.
Shindig
"Dear Diary, Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy." "Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
Jayne reading Simon's diary, Safe
Shepherd: Some orders allow Shepherds to marry, but I follow a narrower path.
Jayne: But I mean, you still got the urge. They don't cut it off or nothing.
Shepherd: No, I'm more or less intact. I just direct my energy elsewhere.
Jayne: You mean like masturbating?
Shepherd: I hope you're not thinking of taking Orders yourself.
Objects in Space
Stargate: SG1
Jack: Is everyone clear on that, Daniel?
Daniel: What?
Jack: Good.
Rules of Engagement
I don't have a sister Jack, but if I did I wouldn't let you near her.
Daniel, Holiday
Maybourne, you are an idiot, every day of the week, why couldn't you have just taken one day off?!
Sam, Foothold
Daniel: Jack?
Jack: Daniel?
Daniel: Are you you?
Jack: yeah, you?
Daniel: What?
Jack: Never mind.
Spirits
Daniel: Didn't you think it was strange when you got through security with a loaded gun?
Jack: A little.
Daniel: You never were that bright.
Jack: No.
Absolute Power
Well then . . . to hell with us!
Jack, Jolinar's Memories
Hammond: It's not our world. Is it really any of our concern?
Teal'c: The destruction of the hammer device to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible.
O'Neill: General, I gave the order.
Daniel: And i fired the staff at the machine.
Sam: And I... was there.
Thor's Chariot
Jack: Or?
Sam: I can't think of an or at the moment, sir.
Daniel: no or?
Jack: There's an or.
Daniel: There's an or?
Sam: Sir, you can't just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.
Jack: Captain, where there's a will there's an or... way
1969
Daniel: Well maybe you could try coming up with something better than inappropriate sarcasm.
Jack: You want sarcasm? Nice to meet you.
One Small Step
Jack: So what's your impression of Alar?
Teal'c: He is concealing something.
Jack: Like what?
Teal'c: I am unsure, he is concealing it.
Demons
BtVS
Willow: Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life.
Buffy: Good for you.
Willow: Well, I didn't choose yet.
Inca Mummy Girl
Willow (on coffee): It's the non-relationship drink of choice. It's not a date, it's a caffeinated beverage. Okay, sure, it's hot and bitter like a relationship that way, but...
Reptile Boy
Willow: Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of.
Cordelia: That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?
Halloween
Xander: Aren't you supposed to be drinking tea, anyway?
Giles: Tea is soothing, I wish to be tense.
Xander: Okay, but you're destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype here.
Graduation Day
Willow: He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy.
Oz: You too, huh?
Graduation Day
Giles: There is a certain dramatic irony attached to all this. A synchronicity that borders on predestination, one might say.
Buffy: Fire bad. Tree pretty.
Graduation Day
Oz: Guys. Take a moment to deal with all this. We survived.
Buffy: It was a hell of a battle.
Oz: Not the battle. High school.
Graduation Day
Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.
Enemies
Jack: What are you, retarded?
Xander: No. No, I had to take that test when I was seven. A little slow in some stuff, mostly math and spatial relations, but certainly not challenged or anything.
The Zeppo
Forrest: How are you going to learn anything if you keep doing schoolwork?
The Initiative
Buffy: There's no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.
Willow: I think I'm gonna barf.
Buffy: Except that.
Fear, Itself
Willow: Goody! Research party!
Xander: Will, you need a life in the worst way.
What's My Line
Giles: Why would someone want to hurt Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
The Witch
The West Wing
Sam: I really gotta go.
Laurie: 'Cause POTUS was in a bicycle accident?
Sam: Yup.
Laurie: Tell your friend, POTUS, he's got a
funny name. And he should learn how to ride a bicycle.
Sam: I would, but he's not my friend, he's my boss; and it's not his name, it's his title.
Laurie: POTUS?
Sam: President of the United States.
Pilot
Secret Service Agent: It's a nice morning, Mr. McGarry.
Leo: We'll take care of that in a hurry. Won't we, Mike?
SSA: Yes, sir.
Pilot
Sam: About a week ago, I accidentally slept with a
prostitute.
Toby: Really?
Sam: Yes.
Toby: You accidentally slept with a prostitute?
Sam: Call girl.
Toby: Accidentally?
Sam: Yes.
Toby: I don't understand. Did you trip over something?
Sam: I did not know she was a call girl.
Toby: There wasn't a red flag when she charged you money in exchange for sex?
Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc
Bartlet: Why are you smiling?
Toby: Happiness is my default position.
Dead Irish Writers
Toby: You think the United States is under attack from 1200 Cubans in rowboats?
Sam: I'm not saying I don't like our chances.
Toby: It's mind-boggling to me we ever won an election.
Pilot
Leo: With everything that's going on, I don't think we need to be marriage counsellors too.
Toby: Well, yeah, because you and I would be so good at it.
Manchester
Doug: It's a simple equation. Bartlet rules America; America rocks; therefore Bartlet rocks.
Sam: 'America rocks'?
Toby: 'Bartlet rocks'?
Doug: Yes.
Josh: He really... doesn't... that much.
Manchester II
Bartlet: Josh!
Josh: Yes sir.
Bartlet: A ballerina?
Josh: Yeah, I... I didn't know... what it was at the time... I... I liked the word.
Bartlet: We'll go with that for now.
Ways and Means
Will: We're having trouble with the Democrats.
CJ: Wow, along with the Republicans. That's kind of everyone.
Jefferson Lives
Toby: In a triumph of the middling, a nod to mediocrity, and with gorge rising, it gives me great nausea to announce Robert Russell - Bingo Bob, himself - as your new Vice President.
Will: This lapdog of the mining interests is as dull as he is unremarkable...
Toby: ...as lackluster as he is soporific. This reversion to the mean...
Will: ...this rebuke to the exemplary...
Toby: ...gives hope to the millions unfavored by the exceptional... Bob Russell: not the worst, not the best, just what we're stuck with.
Han
Reporter: Mr. Bailey, we're all sitting here pretending this is a regular press conference and you're very engaging up there, but your candidate died, so why isn't this all a little preposterous?
Will: Chuck Webb is a seven-term Congressman who, as chairman of not one but two Commerce subcommittees, has taken money from companies he regulates. He's on the board of the NRA and once challenged another Congressman to a fist fight on the floor, over an amendment to make stalkers submit to background checks before buying AR-15s, AK-57s, Street Sweepers, Mac-10s, Mac-11s. He's joined protests designed to frighten pregnant women.
Reporter: What's your point?
Will: There are worse things in the world than no longer being alive.
Game On