The Force Is Strong With Me...
Authoress: ria_chan
Title: La Forza Del Destino
Fandom-Pairing: Tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE - Kurogane/Fai
Disclaimer: CLAMP ownz all.
Rating-Warnings: R - Lemon, Slash, Angst, Fai POV, Spoilers
Prompt: 30sexyfics; #23; The Art of Seduction. 100moods; #23; Curious.
A/N: This is going to be one of those fics that when you look back in retrospect just make no sense.
Summary: I didn’t want this. You did. I know you did. But…if I didn’t want this, why am I here in your arms?
I’ve always found you fascinating. I would look at you and wonder why you wanted me so bad. I would look at you and wonder why you didn’t just take me when I was vulnerable and weak. I always thought about you, you know - the kind of person you were underneath, what it felt like in your arms…
I only looked at you somberly through what little vision I had. My body twitched in damaging ruin. My insides were tearing me apart and you could only stare. You just stared at me. I was fascinated - it didn’t look like the love I had denied from you was even there anymore. I think…my heart was breaking…
~O~
You glanced at me with a scowl and yelled an obscenity at me. That didn’t hurt me - it couldn’t. I was far used to the derogatory language aimed at myself. There was a pain in that phrase, though. There was a pain I could never forget even if you asked me. You could treat me the same after what you did… It was an indelible sin I could never forgive. You knew I could never forgive that which you did and still you committed such an action. The betrayal I felt was horrifying, crushing my spirit as a crushed leaf in the wind.
We spent the next few days in an awkward waltz. I felt crimson eyes trail my every move. I could be bent over the table just slightly and feel your breath trailing down my nape and the closeness of your body pressed against my back. It was driving me insane. I hated it so much. The fact you could drive me insane in such a way was lunacy.
I couldn’t drink any of your blood. With the thoughts I had in my head, I couldn’t even look at you straight. Fear, betrayal, lust…by this point I didn’t know what to feel. I kept putting off eating. Whenever I got the feeling you were on the verge of forcing me, I just pushed our traveling companions out as a barrier between us, an immature, buffering technique, I know. It was wrong but I couldn’t help myself. If I knew what would happen, I don’t think I wouls have gone as far as I did…
Later that night, long after the scent of alcohol was stained into our mouths, you said it. ‘I love you…ya know that? And I’m not gonna have it…any…other…way…’ And then you passed out. I didn’t know what to make of it at the time… With a plastered on a smile I flung it to the side. I knew you were a reckless drunk, saying things you wouldn’t otherwise. Recalling the time you told me you preferred the bunnies to the kitties, I curled up to you that night and stole your warmth. By tomorrow morning we would both forget…
Or so I thought.
My breaking point was going to breach. The dark sky was painted with white spots. The tranquil setting allowed me to think about things rationally. I was lying outside atop the roof when I felt your presence. I thought nothing of it but tensed just a little bit. I heard your armor clang against the hard rooftop-tiles and settle down behind me. My eye was closed so I parted my golden eyelashes enough just to see your face. You weren’t smiling or frowning. Bent, raven eyebrows gave the impression you were contemplating something. Golden eyebrows seamed together as I pondered what you could be thinking. The next moment, I felt a moist, warm pressure against my lips. My trembling eyes jolted open in shock as your face parted away. Black-clad shoulders shrugged as you stormed off. I was so enraptured.
You were so far in denial I never thought it would amount to anything. And it did. That’s why you kept me alive. That’s why you wanted to be the one to leave unbearable scars on me. You wanted to leave marks on me that would never heal - proof of my humanity, proof that you were the only one who was strong enough to do so.
I never thought it would happen…but it did.
Three days later, I was too weak to reject the arm that wrapped around my waist and the hand that cradled my head to your neck. My vision was hazy and blurring out with spots. Before I could even plea your name I felt my canines dig into your neck. You tensed up and immediately I felt vigorous and full of energy. Luscious, vibrant, beautiful blood seeped through my mouth and soak into my throat. I wanted more of it but upon the realization pulled off. I covered my mouth and ran out of the room. The last thing I remember in that dark, moon-lit room was your concerned expression and scarlet eyes.
It was exactly a week afterwards. Those seven days were torture. You sent me scowls and furious glances. I even kept my distance. That seventh night was worse. The words you snarled are still left ringing in my head. ‘I love you and by God’s Hell I want you. I’m gonna make you mine even if it kills us both.’ I was scared, tell you the truth. My façade had been falling lately and now I felt as if it was gone forever, left swaying in the wind. There were no boundless skies for me - skies that shined a bright, never-ending blue. You couldn’t give them to me, and I could never bear to steal yours away…
You didn’t care what I had to say. My say was as good as a whine or whimper. I was ironic how easy you were to read and yet so hard to understand and how hard I was to read and yet so easy for you to comprehend. Nothing ever got in your way and even I knew it. When there was something you wanted, not a single force in the world would stop you from obtaining it. And right now that thing was me. So I gave myself to you - thinking this would be simple scheme to avoid afterwards. I was wrong. I was so very wrong.
You push me down up against the wall with an excruciating force. My hips were straddled between your knees. Rough skin crashed onto my tender spots. You enthralled in all the areas I made particularly loud moans or screams. It made me wonder - if you loved me as you said why did you want to hurt me so?
I made a fascinating discovery that night. I never thought anything could compare to your scarlet eyes. They burned like a sunset - something so beautiful and hot yet excruciatingly painful. Your tongue could, though. It was blood red and hurt like a needle, poking into places a needle shouldn’t be paced. When I saw the saliva drip down the right side of your mouth, I expected nothing. I expected what others attempted to do. You gave me pleasure, though. It was pleasure unlike anything I had experienced before. It was a pleasure no one would be able to take away from me.
I bit my lip, knowing more than well that I would I wonderful bruise by tomorrow morning. My nails gripped black sheets. Cringing under your weight felt wonderful. This ecstasy I had long given up on was flowing through my veins. It was a paradise I thought I would never find.
For a moment I thought the skies had opened up and the raining had stopped. A muffled gripe left me in a frail voice. I felt your mouth press down at my whining. Your left palm reached up and found my right hand pressed up against the wall for support. You forced it open and tangled your fingers into mine. I swallowed back another whimper but you jerked your face. I screamed with an unknown feeling arousing within. It beat at my heart begging to release.
I stuttered your name into the air between huffed pants. You growled, jerking me to the other side. Your back arched up as my knees bent upwards. Fingernails dug into one another I thought we might draw each other’s blood. I felt a surge run through my blood as if I had caused a disturbance in our silent waltz. You grunted only to confirm my suspicion. Scarlet eyes glanced up from their hold with furrowed brows. I closed my eyes - it was the only way I could retreat from our tangled mess.
Your mouth let go of me. Saliva residue mixed with my own liquids dripped onto my inner thigh. For a reason or another, it felt like acid upon the collision. It felt like my skin was burning and my insides would rip apart. You smirked, your sterile teeth glowing in the dim light perfectly. It had been quite some time since I had seen that disturbing smirk just for me. I truly was melting…
‘You must be falling apart.’
I smiled weakly. By this point, I knew you could see through me.
‘If you’re breaking, why don’t you hold onto me for support, huh? You can’t say that damn teasing and flirting is all for nothing.’
My smile fell for a moment. My lips were chapped. My bottom lip trembled slightly under the accusation. I wasn’t breaking. Long ago, someone else had broken me. If I had made it this far without support in my state, why would I need it now?
You grunted with a grimacing frown. I felt those crimson eyes of yours sharpen.
‘Wrap your legs around me.’
I shook my head slowly from side-to-side. My bangs were heavy, pressing onto my head with an unbearable pressure. My eyes fluttered open and closed in short blinks until I was sure you would move me into place. My eyelids clenched together tightly. It was only a matter of time…
Just as I anticipated, I was pressed up, hands working at my thighs to move them into a comfortable position. I flung my arms around your shoulders and dug my face under your chin. If nothing else, I could use it as a way of support. The countdown began…
You slide into me. Quick unlike anything I had ever had, we bent in sync. It had been ages since I felt this way - like there was someone out there in this universe of worlds who actually wanted me. I felt uneasy. I didn’t deserve love. This wasn’t love. It couldn’t be. You weren’t capable of loving me. No one was. You thrust yourself into me again.
‘Put it all aside, mage. I’m the one fucking you. Think of me. That’s all that better be on your fucking mind.’
I sighed. It was such a shame you couldn’t see how much I thought of you. I whimpered with a sudden jerk. A dribble of cold sweat ran down my nape. I could feel it. The strange emotion aroused itself again. It pounded at my heart. It was horrible. My back arched up as I huffed in exhaustion. I felt your palms attempting to press my hips further up causing me to whimper in pain. But I would keep strong in this position - forever, if that’s what you wanted.
‘That’s better.’
Hissing bit at my ears. I felt the teeth I had so longingly feared dig into my shoulder muscles. I tensed up with another arching motion. You grunted in amusement, I could tell. Grinding hips jerked upwards filling me completely. I inhale deep and quick with a shudder of excitement. Warm breath trailed up my neck to my ear. I shivered in delight. My heart pounded, begging for silence, begging for more, begging for a break of this madness.
That must be what this is: madness. You saying you love me in madness. Me thinking I never want this end is madness. The sweet words you utter are madness. Your complete name leaving my mouth is madness. Our interweaving, unrequited whispers are madness. You are the madness.
‘You need me. Even if you don’t want to, you can’t survive without me.’
I’m tunneling further into the madness.
‘Hey…you want to know why I do this - why I want it? It’s all for you.’
Tell me, why am I so fascinated by you?
Afterthoughts: Ummm.... yeeeeaaaaaah... I was rushed but I hope it didn't come out too bad. ^^;;; (notices the two prompts she filled out have the same number) O_o
~B.T.A. Ria-Chan is gonna paaaaaaaartyyyyyyy~!
Title: La Forza Del Destino
Fandom-Pairing: Tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE - Kurogane/Fai
Disclaimer: CLAMP ownz all.
Rating-Warnings: R - Lemon, Slash, Angst, Fai POV, Spoilers
Prompt: 30sexyfics; #23; The Art of Seduction. 100moods; #23; Curious.
A/N: This is going to be one of those fics that when you look back in retrospect just make no sense.
Summary: I didn’t want this. You did. I know you did. But…if I didn’t want this, why am I here in your arms?
I’ve always found you fascinating. I would look at you and wonder why you wanted me so bad. I would look at you and wonder why you didn’t just take me when I was vulnerable and weak. I always thought about you, you know - the kind of person you were underneath, what it felt like in your arms…
I only looked at you somberly through what little vision I had. My body twitched in damaging ruin. My insides were tearing me apart and you could only stare. You just stared at me. I was fascinated - it didn’t look like the love I had denied from you was even there anymore. I think…my heart was breaking…
~O~
You glanced at me with a scowl and yelled an obscenity at me. That didn’t hurt me - it couldn’t. I was far used to the derogatory language aimed at myself. There was a pain in that phrase, though. There was a pain I could never forget even if you asked me. You could treat me the same after what you did… It was an indelible sin I could never forgive. You knew I could never forgive that which you did and still you committed such an action. The betrayal I felt was horrifying, crushing my spirit as a crushed leaf in the wind.
We spent the next few days in an awkward waltz. I felt crimson eyes trail my every move. I could be bent over the table just slightly and feel your breath trailing down my nape and the closeness of your body pressed against my back. It was driving me insane. I hated it so much. The fact you could drive me insane in such a way was lunacy.
I couldn’t drink any of your blood. With the thoughts I had in my head, I couldn’t even look at you straight. Fear, betrayal, lust…by this point I didn’t know what to feel. I kept putting off eating. Whenever I got the feeling you were on the verge of forcing me, I just pushed our traveling companions out as a barrier between us, an immature, buffering technique, I know. It was wrong but I couldn’t help myself. If I knew what would happen, I don’t think I wouls have gone as far as I did…
Later that night, long after the scent of alcohol was stained into our mouths, you said it. ‘I love you…ya know that? And I’m not gonna have it…any…other…way…’ And then you passed out. I didn’t know what to make of it at the time… With a plastered on a smile I flung it to the side. I knew you were a reckless drunk, saying things you wouldn’t otherwise. Recalling the time you told me you preferred the bunnies to the kitties, I curled up to you that night and stole your warmth. By tomorrow morning we would both forget…
Or so I thought.
My breaking point was going to breach. The dark sky was painted with white spots. The tranquil setting allowed me to think about things rationally. I was lying outside atop the roof when I felt your presence. I thought nothing of it but tensed just a little bit. I heard your armor clang against the hard rooftop-tiles and settle down behind me. My eye was closed so I parted my golden eyelashes enough just to see your face. You weren’t smiling or frowning. Bent, raven eyebrows gave the impression you were contemplating something. Golden eyebrows seamed together as I pondered what you could be thinking. The next moment, I felt a moist, warm pressure against my lips. My trembling eyes jolted open in shock as your face parted away. Black-clad shoulders shrugged as you stormed off. I was so enraptured.
You were so far in denial I never thought it would amount to anything. And it did. That’s why you kept me alive. That’s why you wanted to be the one to leave unbearable scars on me. You wanted to leave marks on me that would never heal - proof of my humanity, proof that you were the only one who was strong enough to do so.
I never thought it would happen…but it did.
Three days later, I was too weak to reject the arm that wrapped around my waist and the hand that cradled my head to your neck. My vision was hazy and blurring out with spots. Before I could even plea your name I felt my canines dig into your neck. You tensed up and immediately I felt vigorous and full of energy. Luscious, vibrant, beautiful blood seeped through my mouth and soak into my throat. I wanted more of it but upon the realization pulled off. I covered my mouth and ran out of the room. The last thing I remember in that dark, moon-lit room was your concerned expression and scarlet eyes.
It was exactly a week afterwards. Those seven days were torture. You sent me scowls and furious glances. I even kept my distance. That seventh night was worse. The words you snarled are still left ringing in my head. ‘I love you and by God’s Hell I want you. I’m gonna make you mine even if it kills us both.’ I was scared, tell you the truth. My façade had been falling lately and now I felt as if it was gone forever, left swaying in the wind. There were no boundless skies for me - skies that shined a bright, never-ending blue. You couldn’t give them to me, and I could never bear to steal yours away…
You didn’t care what I had to say. My say was as good as a whine or whimper. I was ironic how easy you were to read and yet so hard to understand and how hard I was to read and yet so easy for you to comprehend. Nothing ever got in your way and even I knew it. When there was something you wanted, not a single force in the world would stop you from obtaining it. And right now that thing was me. So I gave myself to you - thinking this would be simple scheme to avoid afterwards. I was wrong. I was so very wrong.
You push me down up against the wall with an excruciating force. My hips were straddled between your knees. Rough skin crashed onto my tender spots. You enthralled in all the areas I made particularly loud moans or screams. It made me wonder - if you loved me as you said why did you want to hurt me so?
I made a fascinating discovery that night. I never thought anything could compare to your scarlet eyes. They burned like a sunset - something so beautiful and hot yet excruciatingly painful. Your tongue could, though. It was blood red and hurt like a needle, poking into places a needle shouldn’t be paced. When I saw the saliva drip down the right side of your mouth, I expected nothing. I expected what others attempted to do. You gave me pleasure, though. It was pleasure unlike anything I had experienced before. It was a pleasure no one would be able to take away from me.
I bit my lip, knowing more than well that I would I wonderful bruise by tomorrow morning. My nails gripped black sheets. Cringing under your weight felt wonderful. This ecstasy I had long given up on was flowing through my veins. It was a paradise I thought I would never find.
For a moment I thought the skies had opened up and the raining had stopped. A muffled gripe left me in a frail voice. I felt your mouth press down at my whining. Your left palm reached up and found my right hand pressed up against the wall for support. You forced it open and tangled your fingers into mine. I swallowed back another whimper but you jerked your face. I screamed with an unknown feeling arousing within. It beat at my heart begging to release.
I stuttered your name into the air between huffed pants. You growled, jerking me to the other side. Your back arched up as my knees bent upwards. Fingernails dug into one another I thought we might draw each other’s blood. I felt a surge run through my blood as if I had caused a disturbance in our silent waltz. You grunted only to confirm my suspicion. Scarlet eyes glanced up from their hold with furrowed brows. I closed my eyes - it was the only way I could retreat from our tangled mess.
Your mouth let go of me. Saliva residue mixed with my own liquids dripped onto my inner thigh. For a reason or another, it felt like acid upon the collision. It felt like my skin was burning and my insides would rip apart. You smirked, your sterile teeth glowing in the dim light perfectly. It had been quite some time since I had seen that disturbing smirk just for me. I truly was melting…
‘You must be falling apart.’
I smiled weakly. By this point, I knew you could see through me.
‘If you’re breaking, why don’t you hold onto me for support, huh? You can’t say that damn teasing and flirting is all for nothing.’
My smile fell for a moment. My lips were chapped. My bottom lip trembled slightly under the accusation. I wasn’t breaking. Long ago, someone else had broken me. If I had made it this far without support in my state, why would I need it now?
You grunted with a grimacing frown. I felt those crimson eyes of yours sharpen.
‘Wrap your legs around me.’
I shook my head slowly from side-to-side. My bangs were heavy, pressing onto my head with an unbearable pressure. My eyes fluttered open and closed in short blinks until I was sure you would move me into place. My eyelids clenched together tightly. It was only a matter of time…
Just as I anticipated, I was pressed up, hands working at my thighs to move them into a comfortable position. I flung my arms around your shoulders and dug my face under your chin. If nothing else, I could use it as a way of support. The countdown began…
You slide into me. Quick unlike anything I had ever had, we bent in sync. It had been ages since I felt this way - like there was someone out there in this universe of worlds who actually wanted me. I felt uneasy. I didn’t deserve love. This wasn’t love. It couldn’t be. You weren’t capable of loving me. No one was. You thrust yourself into me again.
‘Put it all aside, mage. I’m the one fucking you. Think of me. That’s all that better be on your fucking mind.’
I sighed. It was such a shame you couldn’t see how much I thought of you. I whimpered with a sudden jerk. A dribble of cold sweat ran down my nape. I could feel it. The strange emotion aroused itself again. It pounded at my heart. It was horrible. My back arched up as I huffed in exhaustion. I felt your palms attempting to press my hips further up causing me to whimper in pain. But I would keep strong in this position - forever, if that’s what you wanted.
‘That’s better.’
Hissing bit at my ears. I felt the teeth I had so longingly feared dig into my shoulder muscles. I tensed up with another arching motion. You grunted in amusement, I could tell. Grinding hips jerked upwards filling me completely. I inhale deep and quick with a shudder of excitement. Warm breath trailed up my neck to my ear. I shivered in delight. My heart pounded, begging for silence, begging for more, begging for a break of this madness.
That must be what this is: madness. You saying you love me in madness. Me thinking I never want this end is madness. The sweet words you utter are madness. Your complete name leaving my mouth is madness. Our interweaving, unrequited whispers are madness. You are the madness.
‘You need me. Even if you don’t want to, you can’t survive without me.’
I’m tunneling further into the madness.
‘Hey…you want to know why I do this - why I want it? It’s all for you.’
Tell me, why am I so fascinated by you?
Afterthoughts: Ummm.... yeeeeaaaaaah... I was rushed but I hope it didn't come out too bad. ^^;;; (notices the two prompts she filled out have the same number) O_o
~B.T.A. Ria-Chan is gonna paaaaaaaartyyyyyyy~!