(no subject)
Ive had the hardest time trying to understand myself. I have no idea what I want in life anymore. The people I loved/love dont even give me the time of day. Staying up late in the night thinking about my last really fun memory is getting old. Its lonely when you dont have the bestfriend anywhere close. The kisses and hugs and just plain ol' love is missed alot. I have started talking to my parents. Thats how desprate I have become. I get no affection whats so ever thats worth talking about. It seems everyone is in a group of some sort. I sit with people. I talk with people. But I feel alone even in a room of "friends."
It seems like everything is a competition... or a race. Im tired of trying really hard. I wish I was one of those people who didnt have to work for affection. I miss having lauren around. I miss being able to tell the whole world that she is my bestfriend. And the truth is, when people ask me about her and I, I want to bust out crying. Moldypeaches no longer is in my iTunes, for i cry everytime it comes on. Id give anything to go back having an egg shaped hair do, gross skin, and weird personality so i could just hold her hand again. Lindsay and I basically only talk when i pick her up and drop her off. She was the first girl after whitney that I became close to. I miss being her friend. I miss telling her that i loved her and being tackeld on her bed, but those days are over and i doubt that I will ever get them back. I have no idea what I've become, im just there. I really just need a fun time with the people i love the most.
It seems like everything is a competition... or a race. Im tired of trying really hard. I wish I was one of those people who didnt have to work for affection. I miss having lauren around. I miss being able to tell the whole world that she is my bestfriend. And the truth is, when people ask me about her and I, I want to bust out crying. Moldypeaches no longer is in my iTunes, for i cry everytime it comes on. Id give anything to go back having an egg shaped hair do, gross skin, and weird personality so i could just hold her hand again. Lindsay and I basically only talk when i pick her up and drop her off. She was the first girl after whitney that I became close to. I miss being her friend. I miss telling her that i loved her and being tackeld on her bed, but those days are over and i doubt that I will ever get them back. I have no idea what I've become, im just there. I really just need a fun time with the people i love the most.