Parameters - Heechul, Heechul/Gunhee
Title: Parameters
Pairing: Heechul/various, Heechul/Gunhee
Rating: PG-13
Summary: No matter what age, Heechul isn't sure he's figured it out.
A/N: This literally just came to me and after it did I took a shower, sat down, and typed it up with no breaks. I'm really pleased with it. It's a bit different from what I usually write, but I really like it. Also ages might not be 100% accurate. And the song kind of mentioned in the fic is 50% & 50% by hide.
Heechul's 8 years old.
And he doesn't play soccer with the other boys during recess. He plays games in the grass with girls in his class and secretly watches one of the boys playing soccer. At recess the girls talk about the boys they think are cute and at lunch the boys talk about which girls they think are cute. Heechul is only eight but something instinctively tells him he shouldn't mention who he thinks is cute.
But he's still not smart enough to realize he shouldn't kiss this boy suddenly when they are playing around. The boys calls him gross and pushes him away before running off.
Heechul writes about it in his school journal, but doesn't mention the last part. When his mom comes and picks him up his teacher shows her the journal entry and they both laugh about it.
Heechul doesn't understand what makes it funny.
Heechul's 14 years old.
And in his class there's a boy who he thinks is cute and a girl he thinks is cute.
He asks out the girl.
They hold hands and kiss and she is so happy to get her first kiss. Heechul doesn't mention it's not his first kiss.
They break up two weeks later because she says he isn't paying her enough attention.
Heechul decides he doesn't understand girls.
Heechul's 15 years old.
And he's walking through school with his friend Younghun when he feels someone slip a piece of paper into his hand.
Heechul looks down at the pink paper and at the guy quickly walking away from them.
Heechul just pockets the note and Younghun who saw the whole exchange doesn't say anything.
Heechul's 16 years old.
And he has his first super secret boyfriend and when they kiss for the first time Heechul thinks this is what first kisses should be like.
Heechul's 18 years old.
And he likes the music all kids his age like, but he also likes these strangely wonderful Japanese bands that dress in cool outfits and wear make up.
One day he looks up lyrics of songs translated into Korean and his chest constricts tightly when he finds a song about being attracted to men and women. Heechul starts looking up all the videos and buying all the merchandise he can.
His mom thinks his interests are weird, but Heechul decides the only thing he wants to do with his life is be like them.
Heechul's 20 years old.
And there's this new trainee at the company that Heechul doesn't understand a word of what he says.
Still, when he hears some guys making fun of the way the new trainee talks he walks up to them and punches one of them in the face.
Heechul's 21 years old.
And he's not sure if he's going to ever be a celebrity contract or not. When one trainee comes on to Heechul he decides he doesn't care anymore and goes home with the guy.
Heechul goes back to the company the day after losing his virginity to find out he's going to debut.
A week later the guy he lost it to goes to another company.
Heechul's 22 years old.
And he struggles with himself and with his members in this too big group, but it's not so bad. Especially with his best friends are some of the members. And with that trainee from so long ago that didn't speak Korean very well, and maybe he still doesn't but Heechul can understand him just fine.
Heechul's 23 years old.
And he's holding a little gray kitten in his hands when he realizes there is such thing as unconditional love.
Heechul's in a hospital waiting room where the light shining in his face and the chair he's sitting on all seem too harsh. He's sitting in painful silence with the other members, waiting for a doctor to come out and say that kid Heechul thought he didn't care about is going to be okay when he realizes he doesn't want to love so much.
Heechul's 24 years old.
And his leg hurts like hell and he hates his hospital bed, but there's another Chinese man, taller than the other one he knows, that is always watching over him and calls himself seasoning.
There's also a nurse who asks him out and Heechul agrees, but they don't last a month before she's complaining about the way Heechul acts and they break up. Just like all the other women he dates.
Heechul's 25 years old.
And he leans in to kiss that guy whose Korean is good, but still has a slight accent in front of thousands of fans that he pretends aren't there.
A finger over his lips stops him before he gets that close and he is forced to open his eyes and face reality.
Heechul's 26 years old.
And he's locked himself in his room and his hands are wet and warm from wiping tears from his eyes. He tells himself he doesn't believe in love anymore.
Heechul's 27 years old.
And he's trying to move on but no matter how many men he dates there's only one he sees when he closes his eyes.
Heechul's 28 years old.
And he finally feels comfortable enough to tell one of his girl friends he likes men and is surprised when she admits to liking women.
He asks her out a week later and she is everything he thought he wanted in a woman. She doesn't mind him being friends with other women, she doesn't bother him about playing computer games, she is always on time. Heechul likes her platonically and even sexually, but he doesn't feel anything for her romantically. He breaks it off and she agrees they are better as friends.
Finally Heechul realizes maybe it wasn't the girl's he was dating that were the problem, it was him.
Heechul's 29 years old.
And he meets Younghun while recording for a show and it feels like he's in a movie. Later Heechul thinks that's silly because he doesn't believe magical things like those that happen in movies exist.
Heechul's 30 years old.
And he thought he'd be more scared of this age, but he's laying in bed with Gunhee asleep beside him. He never felt like he was suffocating when he had sex before and he also never thought he'd like that feeling so much.
Heechul's 31 years old.
And Sungmin has met the one and he's going to be with her even if it costs him thousands of others.
It makes Heechul think about Gunhee and his fans and how he's not as fearless as he used to be.
He doesn't answer his phone for a week until Gunhee comes over uninvited and forces Heechul to realize that no matter how scared he is he won't lose Gunhee over it.
Heechul's 32 years old.
And he doesn't jump anymore at the sounds the apartment makes that he can't contribute to the members since they don't live here and Gunhee is at his own home and the only ones there are Heechul and two deadly silent cats.
But being alone means he feels bold enough to go online and order a frilly black dress in a large size.
When it arrives he stares at it laying unassumingly in its box. He thinks about how he likes his weird men's clothes and being called handsome, but he also likes being called auntie and saying he and Hani are sisters.
He puts on the dress and feels more self conscious than ever, but also pleased.
Shyly, he walks into the living room where Gunhee is messing around on his computer, but he looks up when Heechul walks in.
Heechul asks how he looks with a shaky voice.
Gunhee smiles and says beautiful.
Heechul's 32 years old.
And he thinks he may not have figured it all out forever, but he has for now and that's good enough.
Pairing: Heechul/various, Heechul/Gunhee
Rating: PG-13
Summary: No matter what age, Heechul isn't sure he's figured it out.
A/N: This literally just came to me and after it did I took a shower, sat down, and typed it up with no breaks. I'm really pleased with it. It's a bit different from what I usually write, but I really like it. Also ages might not be 100% accurate. And the song kind of mentioned in the fic is 50% & 50% by hide.
Heechul's 8 years old.
And he doesn't play soccer with the other boys during recess. He plays games in the grass with girls in his class and secretly watches one of the boys playing soccer. At recess the girls talk about the boys they think are cute and at lunch the boys talk about which girls they think are cute. Heechul is only eight but something instinctively tells him he shouldn't mention who he thinks is cute.
But he's still not smart enough to realize he shouldn't kiss this boy suddenly when they are playing around. The boys calls him gross and pushes him away before running off.
Heechul writes about it in his school journal, but doesn't mention the last part. When his mom comes and picks him up his teacher shows her the journal entry and they both laugh about it.
Heechul doesn't understand what makes it funny.
Heechul's 14 years old.
And in his class there's a boy who he thinks is cute and a girl he thinks is cute.
He asks out the girl.
They hold hands and kiss and she is so happy to get her first kiss. Heechul doesn't mention it's not his first kiss.
They break up two weeks later because she says he isn't paying her enough attention.
Heechul decides he doesn't understand girls.
Heechul's 15 years old.
And he's walking through school with his friend Younghun when he feels someone slip a piece of paper into his hand.
Heechul looks down at the pink paper and at the guy quickly walking away from them.
Heechul just pockets the note and Younghun who saw the whole exchange doesn't say anything.
Heechul's 16 years old.
And he has his first super secret boyfriend and when they kiss for the first time Heechul thinks this is what first kisses should be like.
Heechul's 18 years old.
And he likes the music all kids his age like, but he also likes these strangely wonderful Japanese bands that dress in cool outfits and wear make up.
One day he looks up lyrics of songs translated into Korean and his chest constricts tightly when he finds a song about being attracted to men and women. Heechul starts looking up all the videos and buying all the merchandise he can.
His mom thinks his interests are weird, but Heechul decides the only thing he wants to do with his life is be like them.
Heechul's 20 years old.
And there's this new trainee at the company that Heechul doesn't understand a word of what he says.
Still, when he hears some guys making fun of the way the new trainee talks he walks up to them and punches one of them in the face.
Heechul's 21 years old.
And he's not sure if he's going to ever be a celebrity contract or not. When one trainee comes on to Heechul he decides he doesn't care anymore and goes home with the guy.
Heechul goes back to the company the day after losing his virginity to find out he's going to debut.
A week later the guy he lost it to goes to another company.
Heechul's 22 years old.
And he struggles with himself and with his members in this too big group, but it's not so bad. Especially with his best friends are some of the members. And with that trainee from so long ago that didn't speak Korean very well, and maybe he still doesn't but Heechul can understand him just fine.
Heechul's 23 years old.
And he's holding a little gray kitten in his hands when he realizes there is such thing as unconditional love.
Heechul's in a hospital waiting room where the light shining in his face and the chair he's sitting on all seem too harsh. He's sitting in painful silence with the other members, waiting for a doctor to come out and say that kid Heechul thought he didn't care about is going to be okay when he realizes he doesn't want to love so much.
Heechul's 24 years old.
And his leg hurts like hell and he hates his hospital bed, but there's another Chinese man, taller than the other one he knows, that is always watching over him and calls himself seasoning.
There's also a nurse who asks him out and Heechul agrees, but they don't last a month before she's complaining about the way Heechul acts and they break up. Just like all the other women he dates.
Heechul's 25 years old.
And he leans in to kiss that guy whose Korean is good, but still has a slight accent in front of thousands of fans that he pretends aren't there.
A finger over his lips stops him before he gets that close and he is forced to open his eyes and face reality.
Heechul's 26 years old.
And he's locked himself in his room and his hands are wet and warm from wiping tears from his eyes. He tells himself he doesn't believe in love anymore.
Heechul's 27 years old.
And he's trying to move on but no matter how many men he dates there's only one he sees when he closes his eyes.
Heechul's 28 years old.
And he finally feels comfortable enough to tell one of his girl friends he likes men and is surprised when she admits to liking women.
He asks her out a week later and she is everything he thought he wanted in a woman. She doesn't mind him being friends with other women, she doesn't bother him about playing computer games, she is always on time. Heechul likes her platonically and even sexually, but he doesn't feel anything for her romantically. He breaks it off and she agrees they are better as friends.
Finally Heechul realizes maybe it wasn't the girl's he was dating that were the problem, it was him.
Heechul's 29 years old.
And he meets Younghun while recording for a show and it feels like he's in a movie. Later Heechul thinks that's silly because he doesn't believe magical things like those that happen in movies exist.
Heechul's 30 years old.
And he thought he'd be more scared of this age, but he's laying in bed with Gunhee asleep beside him. He never felt like he was suffocating when he had sex before and he also never thought he'd like that feeling so much.
Heechul's 31 years old.
And Sungmin has met the one and he's going to be with her even if it costs him thousands of others.
It makes Heechul think about Gunhee and his fans and how he's not as fearless as he used to be.
He doesn't answer his phone for a week until Gunhee comes over uninvited and forces Heechul to realize that no matter how scared he is he won't lose Gunhee over it.
Heechul's 32 years old.
And he doesn't jump anymore at the sounds the apartment makes that he can't contribute to the members since they don't live here and Gunhee is at his own home and the only ones there are Heechul and two deadly silent cats.
But being alone means he feels bold enough to go online and order a frilly black dress in a large size.
When it arrives he stares at it laying unassumingly in its box. He thinks about how he likes his weird men's clothes and being called handsome, but he also likes being called auntie and saying he and Hani are sisters.
He puts on the dress and feels more self conscious than ever, but also pleased.
Shyly, he walks into the living room where Gunhee is messing around on his computer, but he looks up when Heechul walks in.
Heechul asks how he looks with a shaky voice.
Gunhee smiles and says beautiful.
Heechul's 32 years old.
And he thinks he may not have figured it all out forever, but he has for now and that's good enough.