In 3 days i'll be outta here and it's not a day too soon.
One of those days eh.
I have recently discovered that the band Supergrass are, in fact, super.
My paternal grandfather died today, on halloween. Creepy. Poor guy was wrestling with crippling dementia for years, so by the time he died he couldn't even recognise his reflection. My grandmother and everyone else was a stranger. He was mostly unable to speak anything but incomprehensible gibberish, occasionally uttering a familiar word or phrase that always came as a surpise, a flashback to the person he once was. So he died in the morning, not really as my grandfather but as the empty shell from which my grandfather departed several years ago. He was awoken, showered and dressed at his nursing home as usual and taken to the breakfast table where he suddenly collapsed into the table, victim of a terrible stroke. He was also suffering from cancer in his throat. So while the actual moment of death was quite peaceful, and hopefully painless, he really had been dying for about 4 years. I was called at work with the news as soon as my parents found out, which resulted in a very deep philosophical discussion with the old guy i was working with at the time about the mind and so forth.
I'm off to get tea and ice-cream, i'll be back in a sec.
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Well, i'm back. I got out the ice-cream but decided to return to the freezer in favour of an apple and a banana. Are you PROUD abbey? I sure hope so.
No matter who you are, it's always a somewhat frightening thing to hear/see somebody you've always seen as a very strong and composed person cry. I called my grandmother after i had finished work to offer condolences and love and i could hear her trying to maintain her composure over her grief, but despite her efforts to sound strong it was very obvious that she was crying. I have never seen her visibly display saddness like that before. My mother, having known her for 26 odd years had never seen her cry before today. Makes you feel like any individual, no matter how strong really is powerless over anything much at all. I haven't seen my father cry over this yet, but i will at friday's funeral undoubtedly. Anyone who has much knowledge of the relationship i have with my father (which i realise is perhaps nobody) will know why this will feel so strange. Again.
I bought the new Supergrass album today on my way from work to uni. I felt the need to listen to the song "St. Petersburg" over and over for some reason. Now it will forever remind my of my grandfather, especially considering he used to speak russian and would often use the phrase 'Das Verdania' (sic?) in place of 'goodbye'.
Anyway, i've forgotten where this post was going so i think i'll end it about here.
P.S. All apologies if this comes across as a bunch of self-pitying, depressed wank. I realise i'm the only person ever to lose a family member, I'm not out looking for sympathy etc, but i just thought i'd share a thought or two.
RIP Dudley William Cranswick (left - i inherited his funny ears)
-Leon
<3
I have recently discovered that the band Supergrass are, in fact, super.
My paternal grandfather died today, on halloween. Creepy. Poor guy was wrestling with crippling dementia for years, so by the time he died he couldn't even recognise his reflection. My grandmother and everyone else was a stranger. He was mostly unable to speak anything but incomprehensible gibberish, occasionally uttering a familiar word or phrase that always came as a surpise, a flashback to the person he once was. So he died in the morning, not really as my grandfather but as the empty shell from which my grandfather departed several years ago. He was awoken, showered and dressed at his nursing home as usual and taken to the breakfast table where he suddenly collapsed into the table, victim of a terrible stroke. He was also suffering from cancer in his throat. So while the actual moment of death was quite peaceful, and hopefully painless, he really had been dying for about 4 years. I was called at work with the news as soon as my parents found out, which resulted in a very deep philosophical discussion with the old guy i was working with at the time about the mind and so forth.
I'm off to get tea and ice-cream, i'll be back in a sec.
--------
Well, i'm back. I got out the ice-cream but decided to return to the freezer in favour of an apple and a banana. Are you PROUD abbey? I sure hope so.
No matter who you are, it's always a somewhat frightening thing to hear/see somebody you've always seen as a very strong and composed person cry. I called my grandmother after i had finished work to offer condolences and love and i could hear her trying to maintain her composure over her grief, but despite her efforts to sound strong it was very obvious that she was crying. I have never seen her visibly display saddness like that before. My mother, having known her for 26 odd years had never seen her cry before today. Makes you feel like any individual, no matter how strong really is powerless over anything much at all. I haven't seen my father cry over this yet, but i will at friday's funeral undoubtedly. Anyone who has much knowledge of the relationship i have with my father (which i realise is perhaps nobody) will know why this will feel so strange. Again.
I bought the new Supergrass album today on my way from work to uni. I felt the need to listen to the song "St. Petersburg" over and over for some reason. Now it will forever remind my of my grandfather, especially considering he used to speak russian and would often use the phrase 'Das Verdania' (sic?) in place of 'goodbye'.
Anyway, i've forgotten where this post was going so i think i'll end it about here.
P.S. All apologies if this comes across as a bunch of self-pitying, depressed wank. I realise i'm the only person ever to lose a family member, I'm not out looking for sympathy etc, but i just thought i'd share a thought or two.
RIP Dudley William Cranswick (left - i inherited his funny ears)
-Leon
<3