Open Letter to a Roommate, OR How Not to Communicate Properly
Dear Patrick:
I respectfully request that you cease parking on the lawn. The drought is already causing serious distress to the grass, and the constant pressure of tires is not helping matters. As I had attempted to explain to you in our previous conversation, we do have a solution. I have provided you with a garage door opener and your vehicle is capable of fitting inside the garage. Other members of the house and I have discussed a plan to fairly share use of the garage. Due to the interrupted nature of our conversation, I was not able to fully explain the plan; I will therefore detail it here.
There are four vehicles in this household. Due to the odd construction of the garage, only three of the four vehicles can fit in the garage. The fourth will be exempt from this arrangement, and since it is not subject to the covered parking perquisite, will be given a designated space in the driveway that does not block access to the garage. The other three vehicles will rotate as follows: The first car to pull into the driveway takes a place in the garage, preferably the left-hand side since this is the more difficult to pull into when the garage is half occupied. The second car into the driveway will take the other half of the garage, and then the third car will park on the side street, Parker Ave, located two houses away from our front door and hardly a serious inconvenience. This allows for an equitable distribution of time in the preferred parking areas as well as giving the lawn a chance to repair itself.
As per your request, I will not leave this for you as a note. I have never received any response from emails I have sent to you, so I have no faith that this is actually a viable means of communication, despite your stated preference for it. We appear to be unable to have a face to face conversation. As you have suggested, I am attempting to find other means of communication. That is why I am sending this via carrier pigeon (I apologize if the small font is difficult to read). If by some chance the bird happens upon misfortune with your Spaniel, I will attempt other means of communication. I am currently investigating running the lines for telegraph into the basement, although I have the same concerns there that I do with email. In the meantime, it is all I can do to hope that this message will in fact reach you intact.
In conclusion, I would like to recommend that you heed your own counsel, namely "grow up and learn to communicate".
Sincerely,
One Pissed-Off Roommate
I respectfully request that you cease parking on the lawn. The drought is already causing serious distress to the grass, and the constant pressure of tires is not helping matters. As I had attempted to explain to you in our previous conversation, we do have a solution. I have provided you with a garage door opener and your vehicle is capable of fitting inside the garage. Other members of the house and I have discussed a plan to fairly share use of the garage. Due to the interrupted nature of our conversation, I was not able to fully explain the plan; I will therefore detail it here.
There are four vehicles in this household. Due to the odd construction of the garage, only three of the four vehicles can fit in the garage. The fourth will be exempt from this arrangement, and since it is not subject to the covered parking perquisite, will be given a designated space in the driveway that does not block access to the garage. The other three vehicles will rotate as follows: The first car to pull into the driveway takes a place in the garage, preferably the left-hand side since this is the more difficult to pull into when the garage is half occupied. The second car into the driveway will take the other half of the garage, and then the third car will park on the side street, Parker Ave, located two houses away from our front door and hardly a serious inconvenience. This allows for an equitable distribution of time in the preferred parking areas as well as giving the lawn a chance to repair itself.
As per your request, I will not leave this for you as a note. I have never received any response from emails I have sent to you, so I have no faith that this is actually a viable means of communication, despite your stated preference for it. We appear to be unable to have a face to face conversation. As you have suggested, I am attempting to find other means of communication. That is why I am sending this via carrier pigeon (I apologize if the small font is difficult to read). If by some chance the bird happens upon misfortune with your Spaniel, I will attempt other means of communication. I am currently investigating running the lines for telegraph into the basement, although I have the same concerns there that I do with email. In the meantime, it is all I can do to hope that this message will in fact reach you intact.
In conclusion, I would like to recommend that you heed your own counsel, namely "grow up and learn to communicate".
Sincerely,
One Pissed-Off Roommate