[for Shari]

[rhymingdevil]

I've always tried to play it cool when it came to dating and relationships and as a result, I didn't really date around. I always had dates for the requisite high school social scenes: sweet sixteens, proms, homecomings. I didn't really date though, because I always had a hard time letting people close. There's a lot of protection in being

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[broken_brushes]

"I'm in here!" I called from upstairs, where I'd been gathering up a few clothes into a pillowcase so that I could carry them over to the Compound for washing. "I'm taking a load of clothes to be washed, if you have anything that needs to go!" Bounding down the stairs with the case slung over one shoulder, I nearly collided with Peter, a canny sidestep at the last moment avoiding disaster.

"Oh!" I blinked at the flowers, then up to his face with a smile. "That's nice. I think there's a mason jar in the cabinet in the kitchen that'll work for a vase." I gave his cheek a friendly pat and continued into the living room, where I dropped the half-full case onto the tropical approximation of a sofa.

[rhymingdevil]

That...wasn't the reaction I was hoping for but she was busy, so I went to grab the jar and filled it with water, taking my time to settle the flowers inside and arrange them in some semblance of art. I was never going to be a professional, but it looked pretty good to me.

That done, I wandered back out to the living room to see Shari and tried to decide if I had any laundry that needed to be washed. I sort of regretted having done it a couple days prior since my excuse for tagging along wouldn't be as good.

"Need any help getting it to the Compound?"

[broken_brushes]

"Nah, it's not much," replied as I glanced up to him from where I was tying my sneakers. "You know, I used to have fresh flowers in here all the time. I think it's been months since I picked any, though." Finished with my laces, I sat back with a bewildered smile. "It's seriously weird when I stop and think about how much I do everyday. Like, who am I and why am I not laying out on the beach instead? This place has turned me into a productive member of society."

[rhymingdevil]

"I don't know how you keep up with all of it without a personal assistant," I offered, giving her a big smile and deciding to forget about the flowers for a minute. It was stupid to bring them but she seemed to like them all right, especially if she was used to keeping them around. I guess I might have a career in interior decorating after all.

"I would have completely lost it by now. I'm still in the sunbathing stage. I guess by this time next year I'll have built my own boat or something, right?"

[broken_brushes]

I sat straight up, holding my palms forward for emphasis. "I actually tried that in my first year here, I swear to god. I must have been high or had heat stroke or something to think I could manage it. I am definitely not a boat maker, I'll say that much."

[rhymingdevil]

"I guess I wouldn't do so great either," I said, giving her a little grin. "It's a lot easier when you can just imagine it and shape it out of thin air, I'm guessing. That's probably the only thing I miss about being dead."

[broken_brushes]

"I miss flying," I admitted, my smile quirking. "That was fun." I missed being able to actually see my family, too, in a way, but that didn't bear mentioning. I was sure Peter knew the feeling.

"Did I tell you that Jimmy was here for a little while?" I asked, more subdued.

[rhymingdevil]

I shook my head. I knew that Shari and her brother had been close even before I died but afterward, well. There was no denying that she and Jim were close in a way that didn't require blood relation.

"I wish he was here now," I admitted. "I didn't know him that well, but I know he meant a lot to you."

[broken_brushes]

"It was good while it lasted," I said, picking idly at the fraying hem of my cut-offs. "More than I ever expected to get again, anyway. Can't really ask for more than that."

While I honestly believed that, I wasn't necessarily happy about it. I tried really hard to be zen, had gotten to a point on the island where it was a choice between that or going crazy, but it wasn't always as effortless as I made it seem most days.

"I'm glad you're here," I ejected, looking back up to Peter with a faint smile. "After Jimmy, you and Jo were always top of my wish list."

[rhymingdevil]

I thought about that for a moment, thought about how hard it would be to be in this place, alive and have my brother again only for him to disappear again. It must have been hard on Shari and I had new respect for her because she seemed so well-adjusted. I wouldn't have been.

When she said she was glad to see me, some of the tension I'd built up regarding the stupid flowers eased away and I figured that was better than nothing. Maybe she'd just been preoccupied.

"I'm glad I'm here too. I'm glad we're both...alive, for lack of a better term. I can see you and touch you and take you out to dinner, except the part where everything's free so it's not really any big undertaking."

I gave her a little grin at that, trying to deflect and hoping she wouldn't look too deep past it.

[broken_brushes]

Oh, there was no way I was letting that slide. Canting my head, I smirked. "I know what you just did, there, for the record," I told him, then looked away, pushing a hand through my hair.

"I'd say you could cook, but I kinda like being alive again," I added with a sideways glance and barely contained smile. "And, you know, asking me would probably help, too."

[rhymingdevil]

I had the decency to be embarrassed about that. I hadn't really asked anything, just assumed, and figured based on how she'd kissed me when I first showed up that things would take their natural progression.

A month later, I wasn't so sure about that.

"I guess that's usually a good first step. So. Shari Cooper. Do you want to go to The Winchester one night with me?"

[broken_brushes]

I'd known Peter a long time, and while it took us both being dead to really connect, we'd been through a lot together. That I wasn't the same person he'd known wasn't in question; we both knew I'd changed in the last three years. Still, even though I was technically the older one now and supposed to be mature and cool, for a minute there I was that teenage girl in science class completely in awe of him again. He'd really been something.

"Peter Nichols, I would love to," I replied, and ducked my head, directing my gaze back to my hem. A thought abruptly occurred to me, and I jerked by head back up. "Wait a minute. Were those flowers for me?"

[rhymingdevil]

It was truth time and my natural inclination was to brush it off and save some embarrassment. She hadn't really been interested in the flowers, not the way girls usually were and I didn't really want to get a let's just be friends speech at this point.

"I...yeah," I said, figuring that ripping off the bandaid was going to be easier than dragging it out. "They were. It's not a big deal or anything if that's not what you want. I know you've been here for three whole years without me and it's kind of stupid for me to expect anything."

[broken_brushes]

It was official: I was an idiot. So much so that for a handful of seconds I just stared back at him, trying to process exactly how epically I'd screwed up.

"Peter…" I began, and faltered, feeling ridiculous and oblivious. "I just- I didn't realize. Because I'm a dumbass, and because…" I bit my lip, looking down. "I don't know. I guess there's this part of me that's still sitting at a lab table hoping you'd ask me out but knowing you never would. And because-" I swallowed, shaking my head. There was no way I was getting into George, not now.

"It's stupid, I'm sorry. Of course I want the flowers, they're beautiful." I peered back up at him. "I thought they were just for both of us, you know. For the house."

[rhymingdevil]

I laughed a little, a short, sharp laugh that helped to purge the rest of the awkward feelings I'd had about bringing her the flowers in the first place.

"Shari, when in the time you've known me did you ever think I cared about getting floral arrangements for the house? I am not my mother."