All smiles Rick downgraded to quizzical frown Rick
So I moved out of kutztown without crying...until I got in the car. "these constant reminders in everything i see, the chance of a lifetime, what a great place to be..." But what happens to the great things that were? I don't want to leave that behind. I never really knew how much walking into a room and shouting "mike! shut up!" felt so secure. "Fuck you brown" sounds so alien now...I know they're still near...but it's different for them to not be right there. I feel as if I shut myself away from those i knew in kutztown like i did in high school...and it makes me sad. I know the boys don't feel that way, but i'm sorry Lauren, I'm sorry Eric...i'm sorry for not being me to the end...it's just that goodbye hurts so much and I don't do it well.
On the 12th I realized that Justin would have been 21 this year... I can't believe that it was over a decade ago. What would he be doing? Would we be friends still? Who knows...
Talking to Jeff recently has been refreshing and a much needed source of stability. Even after all the hate that was spread between the two of us in the past it feels so good to be able to just im him and not try to figure out what happened and all that bullshit. Wonder if that works for females too...
"come tomorrow i'll be on my way back home
in the morning call from a roadside telephone
one night doesn't mean the reast of my life
if i go it's not impossible but possible is probably wrong
so, let go because i'm afraid to try
i'll keep myhands by my side"
I'm going to string christmas lights around my bedroom tonight...i don't feel like sleeping today. I've become an insomniac.
I need to unpack this shit...too much stuff around. I can't even sleep on the floor anymore...not enough floorspace..which is strange for me, because i usually have floorspace to put the shit that's on my bed down so i can sleep. Hmm.
Must find a source of income...selling my shit on ebay seems like a cop out...but i need money. I could make jewelry,but who would i sell it to? Hand made jewelry from some kid...yeah right. i wouldn't get shit for it, even though my work is extremely elite.
Tonight's Zen thought: Are the people we stay in touch with more important than the memories of the good times we had with them? Are the thoughts more important? Are they equal?
"...Lets take the moon and make it shine for everyone"
Right now I have to fake the smile for my brother who is having trouble in school...the same emotional trouble i had in middle school...i hope the kid doesn't get it as bad as i did...i was pretty desperate back then. Mom's back is geting worse and i sit and realize that almost 6 years of her life has been ruined because of this...i wish i could do something to help her or let that guy who hit her understand what he did.
I miss the mustang...that car was me in....car form.....wow that was a bad sentence. Damn lack of time/money.
Mike just came online. At least I'll have a half smile for a few minutes. I'm just like a fucking girl...I need to stop being a little bitch.
This should have been like 14 posts...i'm pathetic. I need to get off of this machine during the night hours....ok, off to unpacking and christmas lights
On the 12th I realized that Justin would have been 21 this year... I can't believe that it was over a decade ago. What would he be doing? Would we be friends still? Who knows...
Talking to Jeff recently has been refreshing and a much needed source of stability. Even after all the hate that was spread between the two of us in the past it feels so good to be able to just im him and not try to figure out what happened and all that bullshit. Wonder if that works for females too...
"come tomorrow i'll be on my way back home
in the morning call from a roadside telephone
one night doesn't mean the reast of my life
if i go it's not impossible but possible is probably wrong
so, let go because i'm afraid to try
i'll keep myhands by my side"
I'm going to string christmas lights around my bedroom tonight...i don't feel like sleeping today. I've become an insomniac.
I need to unpack this shit...too much stuff around. I can't even sleep on the floor anymore...not enough floorspace..which is strange for me, because i usually have floorspace to put the shit that's on my bed down so i can sleep. Hmm.
Must find a source of income...selling my shit on ebay seems like a cop out...but i need money. I could make jewelry,but who would i sell it to? Hand made jewelry from some kid...yeah right. i wouldn't get shit for it, even though my work is extremely elite.
Tonight's Zen thought: Are the people we stay in touch with more important than the memories of the good times we had with them? Are the thoughts more important? Are they equal?
"...Lets take the moon and make it shine for everyone"
Right now I have to fake the smile for my brother who is having trouble in school...the same emotional trouble i had in middle school...i hope the kid doesn't get it as bad as i did...i was pretty desperate back then. Mom's back is geting worse and i sit and realize that almost 6 years of her life has been ruined because of this...i wish i could do something to help her or let that guy who hit her understand what he did.
I miss the mustang...that car was me in....car form.....wow that was a bad sentence. Damn lack of time/money.
Mike just came online. At least I'll have a half smile for a few minutes. I'm just like a fucking girl...I need to stop being a little bitch.
This should have been like 14 posts...i'm pathetic. I need to get off of this machine during the night hours....ok, off to unpacking and christmas lights