Wisdom from Jay
All these people who say "The greatest thing in life to love and be loved in return"....apparently they've never been in love, or never fallen out of it, because as near as I can tell, the greatest thing I've ever learned is not to fall in love with someone who won't return it.
Find someone to love? Done.
Making that person realize that they can let me in? Therein lies the problem.
I doubt highly that every female I have been involved with has been not allowed to love me. People go on and on about how it "didn't work out". Perhaps they should just say "We weren't right for each other" and understand that it is a very distinct possibility. I've had my fun, I've tried it with a few people, and it hasn't worked out to the point of marriage yet. Have I failed? No. Have I lost my ability to love? No. Have I shut anyone out from loving me? No.
Everyone has their own wonderful theory on love and yet everyone who states these ideas are happy with the way things are going for them. I haven't been happier in a long time...why do i need to "find someone to share it with, somebody who [I] will allow to love [me] back"? Your opinion is noted and appreciated for what it is worth, beyond that I'm afraid that I haven't gained much insight.
I request 2 things:
1) Before responding to something, make sure you have spoken to me and gained an actual account of what I am like. Not what I was like 3 months ago or what you heard I was like. I am constantly told that "I have changed"...why go back on your labeling of my new personality?
2) Remember that I am with someone now, I have a plan as to what is going on with my life, and I have friends. This isn't an attack on anyone, but I'm not suffering any losses...I'm not in my own personal hell or anything. Just because things aren't exactly how they were/ how they "should be"/ or how people would like them to be, I am alive and I'm living my life.
High school was 2 years ago people, get with the program.
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though you think i'm just a crazy psycho, and really i know i'd be better off forgetting you ever existed, i just at times can't help but worry about you. people tend to have this excessively annoying ass habit of telling me everytime they've talked to you or seen you anywhere. some even still ask me what you're doing, or where you are whenever you're not where they are. because apparently there is a tattoo across my forehead that says "oh my God i need to know anything and everything about rick that there ever was!" yeah, sometimes it's nice to hear what they have to say. and sometimes i'm like you're telling me why? and sometimes i just feel bad. i don't think things just didn't work out. i don't even think we just weren't meant for eachother. we were just all out horrible for eachother. and it just makes me feel like a mean person. because i knew, i tried to deny it, but i knew. and i let the misery drag on, because i was too pathetic to attempt being on my own. have you ever had that? where despite the fact that something is totally over and done with and dead, you still feel guilty? it's like that picture frame i broke at the beach house when i was like 8. i hid it under the bed and never told anyone, and i can't forgive myself. whatever, one more time.
you're right, i oughtn't go by heresay. but since that is all i have, because we are incapable of getting along, i have nothing to discount the little bits i am told. and where i do hear things from is someone who i know is very fond of you, and therefore i would hope wouldn't tell lies about you. it's generally not all that surprising or interesting news, but from what i gather somewhere there's a little piece of you left over from who you used to be. and it's that little piece that worries me. you have changed. but unfortunately, i don't think i'll ever consider you a stranger. i could be entirely wrong. it's well known i'm not the brightest star in the sky. but i doubt you have entirely healed from every single one of the woes you had even way back when. we all have patterns, and i still hear yours. whatever, the last time.
it's time for my afternoon hot-tubbing and nap routine. bye
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