PINNACLE (Legend of the Seeker - Kahlan/Cara)

Aug 28, 2010 19:36

TITLE: PINNACLE 24/26
AUTHOR: rhyfeddu
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Definitely AU from "Eternity" on.
Cara's POV Kahlan/Cara, Dahlia.
DISCLAIMER: As always, everything here belongs to other (much more wealthy) people. I'm just having fun.
COMMENT: Twenty fourth part, a continuation from "Revelation"



I had thought “making love” was just a foolish self delusion - the tepid, sentimental enjoyment of people who had no real passion for each other. Yet another belief shaken loose due to Kahlan.

Because Kahlan had soothed, comforted and kissed me until I found myself finally shedding the shock and felt nothing else but warmth and caring and pleasure at her hand. She insisted on nothing in return and held me in the grassy clearing where we’d ended up, until the sky finally started to lighten around us.

I couldn’t help but be embarrassed for breaking over the news that my child lived. I knew Kahlan didn’t think any less of me for it, but afterwards all my conditioning and training kicked in and it made me feel uncomfortable. The taboo of seeming that weak in front of someone else was still branded on my being, seared there by more than one agiel.

It still confused me how easily and completely Kahlan managed to pierce my defenses. I still needed to adjust to it.

Kahlan seemed to instinctively understand and had allowed me to become more withdrawn as we walked back to camp, even mirroring me somewhat. I imagined she had her own reasons for that. She would soon see Richard again. She needed her own defenses in place.

As we passed through the brush with Kahlan’s hand lightly on my back, I futilely tried again to see my son’s face in my mind. I wondered if my sister had suspected I was the boy's mother when I had met her family. And Grace hadn’t told me because she didn’t know if I would harm him or take him from her. I wondered if she simply hadn’t trusted me with him.

I wondered, too, if the boy had showed any signs of Rahl magic and if Grace was prepared for that. Or, like Richard, not knowing of his special nature, would he live his life like other boys, not having a clue?

As Kahlan and I broke through the greenery and back into camp, I was almost surprised to see Dahlia still there, wide awake and dutifully tending the fire. She held my eyes for just a moment then looked away. We didn’t say anything. The jumble of feelings she evoked in me seemed too insurmountable to talk through. So Dahlia and I continued to pointedly avoid each other as we quickly prepared to leave.

Our packs filled and secured over our horses, we silently began our travels again. I positioned myself last, saying I wished to guard our rear. But it was mainly to give me some respite from both Kahlan and Dahlia. Respite from myself and what they made me feel.

Dahlia just kept her head down and trudged ahead, surely not knowing where to or why anymore. Following behind her, I found myself staring at her loosely bound hair spilling over her back and and speculated at her reasons for not rebraiding it. It seemed strange to see it that way.

It occurred to me that I had somehow placed her in the same position that I’d been in for far too long. Dahlia was now the extra person, the one left behind while the couple went deep into the woods together. Once I wouldn’t have cared about the person left behind. But I truly knew what that was now.

Too many of these kinds of thoughts relentlessly pelted my brain as we struggled to cross what was becoming increasingly barren land. The nearer we got to Amar, the more the earth itself seem to be dying.

Plants were sparse - just timid green peeking through the sandy soil. The ground grew rocky, hilly and uneven. Inhospitable. It slowed us down tremendously. Once the terrain started to change, we decided to free the horses and begin to travel on foot. That meant carrying our heavy packs ourselves. And with no tree cover, the sun started to feel oppressive overhead.

I wanted to be there already and yet I dreaded to get there at all.

After traveling most of the day, finally Kahlan crested yet another hill, and stopped and drew her back straight. Dahlia and I quickly caught up to her and followed her eyes down into the next valley.

Below us was a massive clearing with the barest outline still in place of the city that once stood, sketched in with a spotty collection of broken stone and rotted wood, where vast walls and huge buildings once stood. The site was ringed in a horse shoe shape of pillars, only a very few still intact, only some still holding their rounded finials at their grand apex. Most were split and halved and had toppled over long ago. Brush and weeds pushed up between all this, trying to reclaim the spot. But something seemed to hold nature at bay.

I turned to look at Kahlan, who swallowed hard. “It was as large as Aydindril,” she whispered.

I’d heard of the ruins, of course, but had never cared to question how they came to be. “There’s no record of what happened?” I asked, only mildly interested.

Kahlan just shook her head. “No. I got the sense no one wanted to talk about it. But from what Zedd said, it seems likely the Orb was used here.”

I glanced cautiously from Kahlan to Dahlia. Kahlan didn’t seem to mind talking about this in front of her. I frowned. “Zedd said it absorbs and destroys magic. Not buildings.”

“It must’ve so devastated the community, that the city never recovered. It looks like they just abandoned it.”

I could tell Kahlan was imagining the city in its glory and filling it with its former inhabitants in her mind’s eye. And mourning their loss all over again. I gave a cautioning touch to her arm.

“We should keep going.” It would still take awhile to make our way down the rocky incline and dark grey storm clouds had appeared over the horizon and were floating our way. I could almost believe they always hovered overhead here.

Kahlan clenched her jaw and gave a determined nod of her head, and started negotiating her way downhill. I waited for Dahlia to stir, but she was staring after Kahlan with dull and exhausted eyes that I knew had nothing to do with the distance we’d already traveled.

I suddenly felt the need to make contact with her before we descended. I positioned myself directly in front of Dahlia, forcing her to look at me, and after a hesitation, I lifted my hand to stroke her jaw. Her surprised eyes started to fill. I kept tracing her face, and for the first time let myself really remember those moments we’d had only to ourselves, moments stolen between the discipline and order of the Temples and the harsh expectations of our Sisters and Lord. Flashes of small smiles and gentle gestures. Things not meant to survive as a Mord Sith, but still struggled to, like the grass through these ruins.

I’d often resented Dahlia’s recent presence because she reminded me of two very different lives lost, and of being someone I found it increasingly hard to look at directly anymore. But I realized there were also things she reminded me of that I liked recalling. A person I used to be with her, maybe just fleetingly, but someone that I wanted to know and understand. Someone Dahlia had kept safe until Kahlan could bring her out of hiding again.

So I just stroked her face and remembered. We still didn’t say any words. Dahlia didn’t ask for forgiveness. And I didn’t, either. But in that moment, it felt like we somehow forgave each other anyway. For a history neither of us had asked for.

A loosened stone rolling away from Kahlan’s retreating feet pulled us out of this silent conversation. And I gave her chin one last parting swipe of my thumb and smiled. A slight light came back to her eyes and she nodded. And then she began to follow Kahlan’s steps down the hill, and I followed behind Dahlia.

As I shifted the pack on my back, thinking of my and Dahlia’s agiels stashed deep inside, Zedd’s caution to not use magic never felt so annoying. Even after having used mine earlier, and the sky had not fallen on our heads, Kahlan had insisted that the weapons return to my pack.

The clouds overhead become inky and angry by the time we reached the bottom of the hill. The place around us was broken and somehow made me feel the same way as we entered the splintered circle of pillars.

We shrugged off our packs and looked around. There was only desolation. “Now what?” I said quietly.

“I’ve asked myself the same thing.” Richard’s voice made us all turn in tandem to see him stepping into the clearing, with Zedd close behind him, grasping a crude walking stick. I heard Kahlan’s tight intake of breath.

That Richard looked so normal was startling to me. So much had changed between us all, it seemed only right that we should all look transformed. And Zedd’s concerns about Richard made me almost expect him to charge us on sight, his sword flashing orange-red in sympathetic rage. But he just looked sad and wearied as he cast an annoyed look back at Zedd.

“Looks like Zedd made some invitations I didn’t know about.”

Zedd huffed guiltily and then furrowed his brow in Dahlia’s direction. “Not all the invitations were mine. What is she doing here?” the Wizard scolded. “Kahlan, Cara, you know this is too sensitive a mission to entrust to Dahlia’s presence.”

Kahlan stared at Richard, but answered Zedd. “A lot happened since we saw you. It was necessary to bring her.” Kahlan quickly looked back at Dahlia before her eyes returned to Richard’s. “I think we can trust her.”

Richard’s eyes flicked to me, no doubt remembering when he said the same about me. Zedd, though, made a scoffing noise. “That can wait,” Richard gently chastised the old man. “I need to talk to Kahlan. Alone.” Kahlan’s head lifted, hesitating. “I deserve at least that much, don’t I?” he added softly.

Fear surged through me, irrational and ripe. Fear for her safety, somehow; fear that this is where it would all end for us and she would realize her mistake and I would have to watch her fall back into Richard’s arms.

Kahlan took a deep breath and briefly touched my arm before walking towards Richard. They both turned away and began to walk slowly among the city’s remains, somberly talking, their heads bowed.

I was aware of Zedd nearing me, but I couldn’t tear my eyes from Richard and Kahlan’s backs until I felt the Wizard’s heavy hand on my shoulder, patting it reassuringly. “They have to talk, child.”

I swallowed. “He seems…calmer.”

Zedd nodded and sighed. “Yes, thank the Spirits. The last few days he seemed to regain himself.” He peered sideways at me and added carefully, “He does love Kahlan. Deeply. Ultimately, he’ll always end up worried foremost about her welfare and happiness.”

I felt myself bristle. “And I’m not good enough for her? Is that his concern now?”

“I didn’t say that, and neither did Richard.” Zedd’s hand returned to my shoulder. “He cares for you, too, Cara. He still believes in you. That hasn’t changed.”

My vision blurred at that and I shook my head roughly in irritation. Zedd grunted ruefully. “I think you can imagine now how hard it would be to lose Kahlan. That’s what he’s experiencing. Kahlan was the one true light in his life, the constant. A hope for a future together that made all else he has to endure as Seeker bearable. Besides his real love for her, that is alot to lose and still go on.”

They were now nearly sixty paces away from us, turned towards each other, Richard lightly grasping Kahlan’s arm as she spoke intently to him. My own future was being decided in their quiet conversation, with someone else’s words, and my skin felt dry and tight on my bones.

Zedd cleared his throat and looked behind me. “Cara, Dahlia can’t be here for this. It’s far too dangerous. If knowledge of this gets back to Rahl, it would be devastating.“

“She won’t,” I said curtly, knowing Dahlia could hear me.

“Cara, she’s already betrayed you once...”

“Richard believes people can change,” I turned to look at Zedd fully. “So do I.”

I watched the Wizard debate with himself, his fears palpable. The shrinking, withered look that we’d noticed in Zedd when we’d last seen him at the Inn had only increased since. I saw he was leaning heavily on the stick at his side. He looked over at Dahlia as if sizing her up. Whether he saw something different in her or just felt defeated, he finally gave a tired nod. “Very well. If you trust her,” he croaked.

“I do.”

Zedd didn’t have time to say more as Richard and Kahlan were returning. They walked apart from each other, but there was no tension left. Kahlan’s eyes sought mine, reassuring and sparkling, despite her obvious fatigue. Richard looked resigned, maybe a little confused. He looked directly at me, too.

“I guess there’s no need anymore to tell you to protect Kahlan as if she were me, is there?” he said with a careful amiability.

“No, there is no need,” I said, my voice low. “There hasn’t been for some time.”

Richard winced just slightly, but nodded. “I can’t pretend I’m used to this yet.”

“Understandable,” my voice almost whispered.

Richard flexed his neck. “Well. More should be said, I guess. But maybe...maybe we can just think about this mission. For now.” His eyes seemed to plead for the normalcy of that and I gratefully nodded.

Kahlan took a few more steps until she stood next to me, brushing her knuckles against mine. “Did you figure out a way to handle the Orb?” she asked the men.

Richard looked prepared to shrug and say no, when Zedd roused himself to his full height and said forcefully, “Yes."

Richard tipped his head. “Zedd?”

The Wizard began to pace in front of one of the battered pillars, his stick spitting out rocky soil as it tapped ahead of his steps. “I’ve been involved in this battle against Rahl, against the Keeper, against the dark forces of this world for nearly all my life. And I tire of it. Some days I truly wonder if my efforts have done anything at all. Or actually made things worse. I would like to end my days sure that I’ve made a dent against the nefarious forces of this world.”

He abruptly stopped and gave one last emphatic pound of the stick. “This has to end. Rahl’s hold over this land must end. I’m going to make a lasting difference. I’m going to present the Orb to Rahl’s Palace myself.”

Kahlan made a noise of protest and Richard barely got the word “grandfather” out of his mouth, when Zedd grasped the stick in his hand and swung it around like a staff, striking the pillar behind him and shouting a short burst of magical phrasing.

The stone immediately turned translucent, lit from within by a glaring, bright light. Twenty paces above our heads, we realized the rounded finial was teetering. Zedd spoke again and the thing dropped to the ground below, near Zedd’s feet. It was several hand spans wide. And it’s form swirled and pulsed in shades of blue, it’s margins firm, but it’s interior just liquid and smoke, like a bit of the ocean and sky trapped within. And it’s own small sun was throwing white light from its center.

“The Orb of Cymeryd,” the Wizard pronounced solemnly.

Dahlia instinctively drew closer to me. She’d always distrusted magic. Kahlan and Richard were in stunned awe of its beauty. I looked at Zedd. He was in a rapturous state of satisfaction, the power of the thing seeming to call to his own. But his face twisted when we heard a familiar voice echoing some distance behind us.

“Thank you, Zeddicus.”

Shadows at the edges of the pillared circle coalesced until the forms of D’Haran soldiers, Mord Sith and a slash of scarlet at their center, Darken Rahl, became fully visible around us.

Rahl stepped forward and I realized he had his arm draped around the shoulders of Shota’s slight figure. A thick silver collar was around her neck, her eyes deadened, her auborn hair roughly cut nearly to the scalp. He led her forward like a tolerated cur on a leash.

“You’ve been most helpful, Wizard.”

kahlan/cara, cara/dahlia, fiction, legend of the seeker, femslash

Previous post Next post
Up