Just a few things
I can understand being jealous of things that other people have that you don't. I can even understand being wary of an ex and saying hateful things to them to increase the distance between you. Everyone has a psycho ex at some point, and generally we make them out to be because we're hurt and angry and sad. It doesn't really matter if the ex actually did anything to deserve it, it only matters what's in our heads and hearts. I do understand revenge.
What I cannot understand is completely overreacting to a situation and then telling them you can't be a friend because you don't agree with something they've done. Wait a minute here. I thought that was the meaning of being a friend. To want what's best for them, even if you don't agree with it. To encourage and support someone you called friend. To be there when they need you, to provide happiness and joy and give them someplace to run when things go bad. You certainly availed yourself of these qualities in others, how can you not share them?
A person I'm friends with has made a decision to act honorably about something he inadvertently caused to happen. To step up to the plate and admit that while he didn't intend to cause another life, he is more than willing to care for that life and the life of it's mother in perpetuity. To learn to live with that person for the next however many years in whatever capacity is needed and be a father to the child. To accept. To not act like a cheap unmitigated bastard and squeal and squirm and try everything to avoid admitting that such a thing exists. This surprises some people and astonishes others. It makes me proud of him.
And yet, he is berated and ridiculed and treated like a brainless tool. He is presented as stupid and idiotic for taking joy in the unexpected and making a life for the child that is on the way. He is ridiculed by one who is jealous and angry and spiteful because he has what they don't. What they want. He is shot down by people pretending to be his friend but can't see past their own wants and desires to wish him well, even if they don't agree with the situation that happened. They can't see past their own unhappiness and fears to see an admirable act.
He has a child on the way. He has the makings of a family and the wherewithal to stick with it, even though it's not something that was planned and plotted ahead of time. He has a partner to share the child's life with and he can share his own with the child. He looks with joy on the child's arrival and tells everyone he runs into that it's happening. In short, he acts like an expecting father.
The truth is, this person is jealous, angry and spiteful. The truth is, since they are not happy, then they have to make everyone else unhappy as well. If you cannot see good things in yourself then you see bad things in everyone else. I had to learn this one the hard way, most of you might agree. You imagine slights and intentions that aren't there and hold yourself back from the brink because you're too scared to cross over and see what happens. Criticizing someone and being hateful simply because you don't have the things in your life that you want isn't the way to get those things or keep friends. It's the way to lose them forever. You get what you put out into the world, in one shape or another. And so far I have to say, this person is doing an admirable job of polluting the air.
Now, this is not to say that I'm perfect. None of us are. This is not even to say that I'm better than most, because I'm not. I am, however, trying. Trying to change myself, remake myself and learn from myself and those around me. I am trying my best to learn from my mistakes and make new and more interesting ones. I've not had very good luck with positive thinking, but I am trying. I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut but I did try. I am trying, desperately, to understand. In this particular case, I just cannot understand this. It all goes back to the adage: "With friends like you, who needs enemies."
What I cannot understand is completely overreacting to a situation and then telling them you can't be a friend because you don't agree with something they've done. Wait a minute here. I thought that was the meaning of being a friend. To want what's best for them, even if you don't agree with it. To encourage and support someone you called friend. To be there when they need you, to provide happiness and joy and give them someplace to run when things go bad. You certainly availed yourself of these qualities in others, how can you not share them?
A person I'm friends with has made a decision to act honorably about something he inadvertently caused to happen. To step up to the plate and admit that while he didn't intend to cause another life, he is more than willing to care for that life and the life of it's mother in perpetuity. To learn to live with that person for the next however many years in whatever capacity is needed and be a father to the child. To accept. To not act like a cheap unmitigated bastard and squeal and squirm and try everything to avoid admitting that such a thing exists. This surprises some people and astonishes others. It makes me proud of him.
And yet, he is berated and ridiculed and treated like a brainless tool. He is presented as stupid and idiotic for taking joy in the unexpected and making a life for the child that is on the way. He is ridiculed by one who is jealous and angry and spiteful because he has what they don't. What they want. He is shot down by people pretending to be his friend but can't see past their own wants and desires to wish him well, even if they don't agree with the situation that happened. They can't see past their own unhappiness and fears to see an admirable act.
He has a child on the way. He has the makings of a family and the wherewithal to stick with it, even though it's not something that was planned and plotted ahead of time. He has a partner to share the child's life with and he can share his own with the child. He looks with joy on the child's arrival and tells everyone he runs into that it's happening. In short, he acts like an expecting father.
The truth is, this person is jealous, angry and spiteful. The truth is, since they are not happy, then they have to make everyone else unhappy as well. If you cannot see good things in yourself then you see bad things in everyone else. I had to learn this one the hard way, most of you might agree. You imagine slights and intentions that aren't there and hold yourself back from the brink because you're too scared to cross over and see what happens. Criticizing someone and being hateful simply because you don't have the things in your life that you want isn't the way to get those things or keep friends. It's the way to lose them forever. You get what you put out into the world, in one shape or another. And so far I have to say, this person is doing an admirable job of polluting the air.
Now, this is not to say that I'm perfect. None of us are. This is not even to say that I'm better than most, because I'm not. I am, however, trying. Trying to change myself, remake myself and learn from myself and those around me. I am trying my best to learn from my mistakes and make new and more interesting ones. I've not had very good luck with positive thinking, but I am trying. I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut but I did try. I am trying, desperately, to understand. In this particular case, I just cannot understand this. It all goes back to the adage: "With friends like you, who needs enemies."