Absolutely Toe-riffic
The interwebs are filled with all kinds of questionnaires in which you answer "A," "B," or "C" to determine how much of a man, woman, demon, geek, or...well, you get it. Some of these things are based mostly on stereotypes and partly in truth. Case in point? The Butch Quotient. Never heard of it? That's because I just made it up for my own evil purposes, also known as "the amusement of my readership of eight."
My own Butch Quotient keeps fluctuating due to a series of events that directly contradict the Butch Quotient factors. Girlie Points totally cancel out Butch Points. Case in point: I own and ride a motorcycle. That's worth 50 Butch Points. Last week I had to install a new battery. Yeah, I did my own maintenance on my motorcycle. That's worth 100 Butch Points. My first step was to pull off a side cover to get at my manual. And thus, within the first minute of the procedure, I wiped out 150 Butch Points by saying "Damn. I broke a nail."
Oh, it gets better. I play softball, earning 50 Butch Points. I got hurt at Sunday's practice, for a measly 25 Butch Points. Then I continued playing through the pain, and gritted my teeth through two scrimmage games. That was worth a whopping 150 Butch Points. Wow, 225 Butch Points! I freakin' rule! Then it happened. One of the first thoughts in my head after the injury-inducing incident was "I hope my pedicure is OK." I couldn't take it back. The thought was out there...along with the 300 Girlie Points that obliterated my hard-earned Butch Points. Shit! I'm in the pink! This calls for drastic measures. And, by "drastic measures," I mean ...
Photo by Lindsey
Booyah! Readership Grossout Points, which I just made up and gave myself 500 of, are mightier than Girlie Points...cuz I said so.
My own Butch Quotient keeps fluctuating due to a series of events that directly contradict the Butch Quotient factors. Girlie Points totally cancel out Butch Points. Case in point: I own and ride a motorcycle. That's worth 50 Butch Points. Last week I had to install a new battery. Yeah, I did my own maintenance on my motorcycle. That's worth 100 Butch Points. My first step was to pull off a side cover to get at my manual. And thus, within the first minute of the procedure, I wiped out 150 Butch Points by saying "Damn. I broke a nail."
Oh, it gets better. I play softball, earning 50 Butch Points. I got hurt at Sunday's practice, for a measly 25 Butch Points. Then I continued playing through the pain, and gritted my teeth through two scrimmage games. That was worth a whopping 150 Butch Points. Wow, 225 Butch Points! I freakin' rule! Then it happened. One of the first thoughts in my head after the injury-inducing incident was "I hope my pedicure is OK." I couldn't take it back. The thought was out there...along with the 300 Girlie Points that obliterated my hard-earned Butch Points. Shit! I'm in the pink! This calls for drastic measures. And, by "drastic measures," I mean ...
Photo by Lindsey
Booyah! Readership Grossout Points, which I just made up and gave myself 500 of, are mightier than Girlie Points...cuz I said so.