Primary Color: Yellow
Republicans, like most groups, can be subdivided into smaller groups. Among those smaller groups are those who carefully think about their chosen party's platforms, carefully think about their chosen candidates' positions on topics that matter to them, and carefully listen to opposing viewpoints and offer respectful, fact-filled rebuttal. They do not use words like "typical," "kneejerk," "bleeding-heart" or "pinhead" when discussing their views. If you're one of those Republicans, you may leave the runway. You? Are safe. Today, I'm addressing the mindless, thoughtless, toe-the-party-line no matter what followers.
When I say "thoughtless," I don't mean they forgot to bring a covered dish to Aunt Selma's potluck dinner. Oh no, when I say "thoughtless," I mean they have no thoughts in their wee heads, which may as well be filled with cottage cheese, because that brain thing isn't doing them an ounce of good. As a matter of fact, these people are lucky certain life-sustaining bodily functions are involuntary actions, or they'd surely suffocate. Poor, dumb bastards.
Seems like a certain conservative radio personality doesn't think much of these folks either. He likes to take advantage of these poor souls by telling them what to think and do. He espouses an idea, and they bleat their approval and allow themselves to be herded off to do his bidding. In the latest escapade, he encouraged Republican voters in the recent primaries to vote for Hillary Clinton. He reasoned that, if this hugely polarizing candidate earns the Democratic party nomination for president, any Republicans thinking of voting Democratic would be so turned off by the notion of her as president, that they'd vote Republican, and John McCain (the presumed Republican nominee) would win. Baaaaa, great ideeaaaaa! That'll fix those lib-ruls. Baaaa!
Well my bi-pedal, wooly ruminants, let me translate something for you. What you've just done is admit that your candidate is not strong enough to win an election against strong opposition. You're admitting your candidate is weak, and the only way he can win is to get rid of the candidate you think represents real competition. You know who else attempted that? Wanda Holloway. And Tonya Harding. The only difference is that you didn't break the law to do it. You did, however, misuse the system and its intent, and that's the difference between you and other voters. Other voters believe in the system. You use it like a Kleenex. Or a toilet. Or a Thai prostitute. Thank goodness people are dying for your right to do so.
So here's to you, oh sheep of the Republican party: I guess we'll see you and your weak "we think he can beat a girl" candidate in November. After that, we wait impatiently for your appearance on Celebrity Boxing.