I Can Totally Explain!
A little earlier, my gorgeous wife might have implied that I'm attempting to start a cult. I feel I need to explain why, this morning, I was in the kitchen. Naked. Holding a candle.
Let's travel back in time to an era I like to call "6 a.m. Today." That's when I stumbled out of bed and made my way into the shower. Like most people, when I get out of the shower, I don't get dressed right away. After all, there are contacts to put in, teeth to brush, hair to gel, and lotion to BLIP. In this case, BLIP refers to the exact moment in time when the first of the heretofore unknown rolling blackouts hits your house, and you realize that, at 6: 30 a.m., without artificial outside ambient light, your bedroom is pitch black.
The expletives coming out of my mouth translated roughly as my realization of the following:
My next step was to get a lighter and one or two candles so I could have a candle lit downstairs for Lindsey when she came back from walking Sugar. At this point, I had no idea she was stealthily planning her Ninja assault under the RubinSmo Manor gates. Just after I lit the candle, Lindsey came into the house clamoring for tools.
See? It's a very simple explanation. Now, if I'd been in the kitchen, naked and holding a candle and a jar of Vick's VapoRub? Then you could worry.
Let's travel back in time to an era I like to call "6 a.m. Today." That's when I stumbled out of bed and made my way into the shower. Like most people, when I get out of the shower, I don't get dressed right away. After all, there are contacts to put in, teeth to brush, hair to gel, and lotion to BLIP. In this case, BLIP refers to the exact moment in time when the first of the heretofore unknown rolling blackouts hits your house, and you realize that, at 6: 30 a.m., without artificial outside ambient light, your bedroom is pitch black.
The expletives coming out of my mouth translated roughly as my realization of the following:
- Our flashlight is downstairs.
- My cell phone (which can double as a flashlight) is downstairs.
- I'm naked.
- I have no way of getting down our freakishly steep stairs in the dark without possibly falling down them.
My next step was to get a lighter and one or two candles so I could have a candle lit downstairs for Lindsey when she came back from walking Sugar. At this point, I had no idea she was stealthily planning her Ninja assault under the RubinSmo Manor gates. Just after I lit the candle, Lindsey came into the house clamoring for tools.
See? It's a very simple explanation. Now, if I'd been in the kitchen, naked and holding a candle and a jar of Vick's VapoRub? Then you could worry.