You're motherfucking uncoordinated
I went hunting this weekend. Fueled by Copenhagen and cheap apricot brandy, my dad and I went off into the wilderness in search of large buck deer. We had originally intended on leaving Thursday but instead, the biggest blizzard in 7 years dumped 2 feet of snow in Colorado Springs. So, we left on Friday and discovered that the original spot we scouted out in September was covered with over 3 feet of snow and there was no deer to be had. So we found an RV park to park the tent trailer we rented and found a new location to hunt. It was a hike up several hills to get to it so we figured there wouldn't be too many people there as most hunters are lazy fucks. On Saturday we sat in the area waiting for deer all day. Not a damn living creature came within sight. I was lucky to have brought a bunch of books.
I read the rest of Faulkner's "As I Lay Dying" during that time. It was a funny tragedy, like the way people laugh when old people fall down. It's all about this family in Mississippi who has to take their dead mother/wife to be buried in Jefferson, which is like 40 miles away. They all go, but they only go for their own reasons. The father wants to go to get a new set of teeth and a wife, the daughter is going to get a quickie back-alley abortion, one son is functionally retarded and thinks his mother is a fish, one is an illigitamate kid and hates his half siblings. So many ridiculous things happen, like one kid breaks his leg so they pour cement around it to make it okay and it fucks him up. The daughter tries to get an abortion but the doctor isn't in and his assistant gives her random medicine and then fucks her. Their wagon fucks up in a river and the mother's coffin floats away. It takes them like 10 days to get there and the body smells so people in town are yelling at them and buzzards follow them. One kid gets pissed it takes so long so he tries to set everything on fire to be "respectful" and ends up in an insane asylum. It's crazy as shit.
So anyway, after the shitty day of hunting we ate various things and got a little drunk on brandy and my dad told stories that had no end...or middle. We came back yesterday after scouting out the area a little more in the morning. Imagine my surprise to find a package waiting for me with my name in "spooky" halloween lettering and no return address. I opened it and I found out that apparently someone hates me. SOMEONE SENT ME MOTHERFUCKING PEEPS. It was obviously a message as everyone should know that I really fucking hate peeps. It was like in the Godfather when Solazzo sent Don Vito the fish, as if to say "Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes". I haven't figured out the message yet, nor who sent it, but I will exact revenge. Oh yes, I will.
I read the rest of Faulkner's "As I Lay Dying" during that time. It was a funny tragedy, like the way people laugh when old people fall down. It's all about this family in Mississippi who has to take their dead mother/wife to be buried in Jefferson, which is like 40 miles away. They all go, but they only go for their own reasons. The father wants to go to get a new set of teeth and a wife, the daughter is going to get a quickie back-alley abortion, one son is functionally retarded and thinks his mother is a fish, one is an illigitamate kid and hates his half siblings. So many ridiculous things happen, like one kid breaks his leg so they pour cement around it to make it okay and it fucks him up. The daughter tries to get an abortion but the doctor isn't in and his assistant gives her random medicine and then fucks her. Their wagon fucks up in a river and the mother's coffin floats away. It takes them like 10 days to get there and the body smells so people in town are yelling at them and buzzards follow them. One kid gets pissed it takes so long so he tries to set everything on fire to be "respectful" and ends up in an insane asylum. It's crazy as shit.
So anyway, after the shitty day of hunting we ate various things and got a little drunk on brandy and my dad told stories that had no end...or middle. We came back yesterday after scouting out the area a little more in the morning. Imagine my surprise to find a package waiting for me with my name in "spooky" halloween lettering and no return address. I opened it and I found out that apparently someone hates me. SOMEONE SENT ME MOTHERFUCKING PEEPS. It was obviously a message as everyone should know that I really fucking hate peeps. It was like in the Godfather when Solazzo sent Don Vito the fish, as if to say "Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes". I haven't figured out the message yet, nor who sent it, but I will exact revenge. Oh yes, I will.