360 degrees
*sigh*
Its always a strange feeling, deja vu... Its even stranger when its not a single repeat that you experience, but a second one, in my case anyway. I'm sitting here typing this, and telling myself that this time around its not eating me up inside... actually maybe that's being a little dramatic... gnawing at my heartstrings would probably be a better way of putting it. But maybe I'm kidding myself. Maybe it really is gnawing away, but its doing it somewhere deep inside me, where I've subconciously banished it to, so as to not let it get to me, as it has done before.
So here's the story for the uninitiated. Five years ago I met this guy through the internet... We got along really well, and decided to meet up overseas together, I suppose really to see what one another was like. Well, we did get on really well (really really well if you know what I mean) but it never went any further - distance played an enormous part - me in Australia, him in the UK. I talked about doing the 2 year working holiday thing over there to try and take it further, but never did for whatever reason - fear, lack of conviction... I dunno, and its not worth going into too much detail about it.
Then I went to Europe on a holiday in 2004, about 2 and half years after we first met (as in met in person). There's actually another post in here about it... from like April 2004... Found it, its here. He's recenty moved to Hong Kong to work (where I am now), so I came over to visit, and like... it all starts again... I just don't get it... And its fucking amazing, but what are you meant to do in situations like this? Where's the operating manual? He's only 9 and a half hours away instead of 24, but its not really all that different to before is it? Do I actually say to myself this time "Right, you really like this guy, so get off your fucking arse and do something about it! Make a move that's going to make him yours properly, not just for two week stints at horrendously irregular intervals". Or, do I just let it slip away again, to be possibly rekindled again at a later date?
Ugh... Decisions... And I think I just felt something gnawing at one of my heartstrings. *Gulp*
Its always a strange feeling, deja vu... Its even stranger when its not a single repeat that you experience, but a second one, in my case anyway. I'm sitting here typing this, and telling myself that this time around its not eating me up inside... actually maybe that's being a little dramatic... gnawing at my heartstrings would probably be a better way of putting it. But maybe I'm kidding myself. Maybe it really is gnawing away, but its doing it somewhere deep inside me, where I've subconciously banished it to, so as to not let it get to me, as it has done before.
So here's the story for the uninitiated. Five years ago I met this guy through the internet... We got along really well, and decided to meet up overseas together, I suppose really to see what one another was like. Well, we did get on really well (really really well if you know what I mean) but it never went any further - distance played an enormous part - me in Australia, him in the UK. I talked about doing the 2 year working holiday thing over there to try and take it further, but never did for whatever reason - fear, lack of conviction... I dunno, and its not worth going into too much detail about it.
Then I went to Europe on a holiday in 2004, about 2 and half years after we first met (as in met in person). There's actually another post in here about it... from like April 2004... Found it, its here. He's recenty moved to Hong Kong to work (where I am now), so I came over to visit, and like... it all starts again... I just don't get it... And its fucking amazing, but what are you meant to do in situations like this? Where's the operating manual? He's only 9 and a half hours away instead of 24, but its not really all that different to before is it? Do I actually say to myself this time "Right, you really like this guy, so get off your fucking arse and do something about it! Make a move that's going to make him yours properly, not just for two week stints at horrendously irregular intervals". Or, do I just let it slip away again, to be possibly rekindled again at a later date?
Ugh... Decisions... And I think I just felt something gnawing at one of my heartstrings. *Gulp*